My Daughter Start to Have Meltdowns When We Try to Put Her in the Car Seat

It's just a phase my 29 month old is going through that right now, but for him it is about me. He doesnt want his daddy to do things for him most of the time. He will cry and carry on about it that he wants mommy to do it. We calm him down and tell him we wont do anything for him when he is acting like that. Usually he calms down and my husband can get him out farely quickly, but not always. Stick with being consistant and not always letting her get her way......it's just a phase it will pass. Good luck!

First, it's summer. Is her car seat too warm? Are the metal parts hot? You could try draping a light colored towel over the seat when she's not in it.

The way I dealt with this with my grandchildren was to stop trying to buckle them in and just stand there so they couldn't get out of the car. They may have been older. I waited until they decided it was OK to buckle them in. I would tell them, we couldn't go anywhere until they were buckled. Sigh! takes patience and at the beginning 10 or more minutes. Be sure there is nothing in the car for her to play with so she'll get bored.

Another idea is to find a toy that she really likes to play with and only give it to her once she's buckled in and only while she's in the car seat.

The times your husband is not there to read with her, try not reading to her either. Perhaps not even change her diaper. Change it earlier when it's not a part of the routine. When she realizes that crying doesn't get her Daddy there she'll eventually learn that if she wants to be read to she has to calm down. Talk with her about it.

I would let him read to her when he's there and start with her before she has the meltdown. Same with the door. If she has a meltdown you calmly open the door. You want her to learn that meltdowns do not get her what
she wants.

Another way that has worked for me with meltdowns is to, in this example, leave her in the car. Lower a window. Sit down nearby where she can see you and wait until she calms down. The meltdown feels like a temper tantrum.

You could try teaching her to use her voice. Tell her when she asks politely and Daddy is there he will do it.

You could also try taking turns with who reads to her. Talk with her about tonight is Daddy's turn and tomorrow is Mommy's turn. Turns have worked with my grandson who used to be upset when his sister came to my house. Today is sister's turn. Wednesday is your turn. We marked it on the calendar. It did take several months for this to work. Perhaps 2 is too young for her to understand. My grandson was closer to 4 when he accepted turns.

A car seat tantrum is a tantrum. Just discipline it. Consoling is encouraging it. I have 3 to strap in and none would be allowed to do that, and they never try it. She's just testing you, nothing is wrong with her seat, don't worry!
Actually same with daddy melt downs. You know she understands everything. Dont' allow the disrespect. It will pass. She'll thank you later.

My grandson is 30 months old and he is currently in a "Mama only" stage, he doesn't want Papa to help with anything or Grandma or Grandpa when we are around. It needs to be MAMA!!! The way my daughter handles it is to explain to him that he needs to let Papa...or whom ever help him with whatever we are trying to accomplish at the moment.He is usually pretty good at listening to reason, unless he is overtired, then only Mama is going to do. I think this stage of a child being attached to the parent of the opposite sex is really very important, it is the first "relationship" that they are experiencing with the opposite sex and I truly believe that it helps to set the stage for a lot of the relationship issues in their adult lives. Let her continue to enjoy her relationship with her Daddy...it is a great time for both of them!!
As to the seatbelt struggle...my daughter and SIL try to make it into a game or a contest to put a bit of fun into the buckling in process, and that seems to help. Sometimes the car is a "spaceship" and he needs to get buckled in for "lift off"...and then they countdown as they are buckling the straps together. Or they have a contest, who can get buckled in and ready to go the quickest...Papa who is in the drivers seat or Kieran who is being put into his seat by Mama. Sing a song while she is being buckled in, or tell her a story, anything to distract and entertain her. Most of all don't get upset about this, that just feeds her frustration. Stay very calm and matter of fact about it...."Susie, we have got to get into our seat belts so that we are safe as we drive to the store. I would be so sad if you were hurt because you weren't buckled into your seat".

Wow, my son (same age) is going through this too but he only wants me. Normally when he won't sit to be buckled then I just wait for him to calm down and tell him that the car will not go anywhere until he is safely buckled in his car seat. When we arrive home, he doesn't want to get out on the car, it is very strange. I am curious to see the other responses to this

Is it possible that the sun is in her eyes in the car? My daughter had that issue. It can be hard to decode behavior, but just keep working at it. Does she want to stay home, is she going somewhere she does not like to go?
Also, kids love structure and it is very hard, I KNOW, but maybe if you make a really simple chart with pictures of who is doing the routine for the night or for a few hours. And give her a visual. Put up momm's picture with the bedtime routine or the bath time or dinner, whatever it might be that you have going on and who is going to be doing that. That way she has a visual as to who is going to be helping her. My son is the same way with me. He only wants me to do EVERYTHING! So it takes time a little baby steps to inch them in a new direction. Also, validate her feelings.. Oh, I know you want Daddy to help you with your juice box, but daddy is busy right now. Can mommy help you? Let her know that daddy will spend some special time with her in a few minutes or whatever the time might be. Good luck momma!

She will cry for daddy *if* it continues to get her daddy. Don't let her take charge here, calmly redirect her, you are in charge, not her. If her little meltdowns get her something she wants (more freedom out of the carseat maybe?) then she will continue to have them. These just need to be ignored. She will get it soon and will stop the behavior all together.

My 18 month old does this occasionally. She's never really liked the carseat or any other situation involving restraints - the stroller, shopping cart etc. I try to have something on hand to immediately distract and interest her, a sippy cup, a snack, a toy - something special she only gets when in the car/store etc. If that doesn't defer a meltdown then I remain calm and explain we can't go until she is buckled and will just stand there and hold her calmly until she calms down. It can be hard when you are in a hurry or need to get somewhere. These episodes upset me a lot more with my middle daughter (same personality type) but now I am able to be calm and wait for her to calm down. Deep breaths! It will pass.

My middle daughter is also a"black and white" thinker who gets an idea in her head (I want daddy to open the door) and if it doesn't happen that way she will meltdown. It is a bit better now that she is older but she still tends toward extreme inflexibility and gets obsessed over things like that. She too is a daddy's girl. Sticking to routines and preparing her ahead of time for what is going to happen is very helpful. When things don't go as planned is when it is difficult. I acknowledge her disappointment that things didn't go the way she was expecting them to and try to get her to help think of a compromising solution that works for everyone. Not always easy, especially with a toddler. Good luck!

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