First of all, she is a very outgoing, full of life child...this is her second year of dance, she is almost 4, has been going to daycare since she was just a wee baby. She has been in several pageants, on stages, etc...never had a problem. Our life hasnt changed much...but all of a sudden she is scared to go to daycare, sleep in her bed, go to dance class, etc. I have even tried to bribe her and am always reassuring her that there is nothing to be scared of. She has always enjoyed all the activities that we have done with her, never cried at daycare for me to stay. I just feel bad for her, I dont know if I should continue taking her dance or should I just stick with it like I have the past 3 weeks. Obviously I cant "not" take her to daycare and she really needs to sleep in her bed. Any insight would greatly be appreciated!!
Just wanted to let everyone know, that we (Her father and I) have had several talks about many things since day one of this issue. I truly feel like shes understanding everything that we talk about, If she makes it through an issue, for instance, sleeping in her bed, shes very excited and wants to let us know what a big girl she is...that she didnt have to be scared, etc... I do stick around dance class, intially she doesnt want to take her spot on the floor, but minutes after Im gone she right on the floor, as if nothing had even bothered her. When shes finished, we wants to show me everything that she has learned, she wants to do more, just as she would have done 3-4 weeks ago, before the whole "Im Scared" situation began. I have talked with daycare, again, as soon as we leave shes fine. For instance, not one problem before going into class this morning. We have not checked in with daycare as much as I would like, but again, she has been going there since she was a few months old, she absolutely adores her teachers, which have been the same since she moved up over a year ago. They do not have a staff turn over like most, there have been maybe 3 new teachers in the entire daycare since she has been going. Her responses to us, is that she doesnt want me to leave her. We do have a doctors appt next week to talk about everything and I will keep everyone updated.
I would definantly talk some more to her to see if you could find anything more out, or to the day care people. But I think it is a stage. One thing to do is to buy her a "special" necklace and tell her that it has some kind of protective powers or that every time she is scared to rub it and it will make her feel better. Or something along those lines, it may just help her (and you)get through this stage. just an idea.
Let me start off with saying i am a single Father of 3 boys ages 26 mos. and 16 mos.(twins). My 2 year old was never scared of anything and all of the sudden he was scared of "silly" things. Slowly but surely i worked with him and some things he is still working on but others are greatly improving. as far as bed goes start with laying down with her until she falls asleep. slowly work your way out the door over time and she will begin to feel safe. she will see that there is nothing to be afraid of and at the same time will see mommy or daddy keeping her safe while she tries to sleep. My two year old was like this for months. My ex had him so scared of his bed and room that it took me about 1 month to break him of this once we were on our own. approx. 6 mos of him staying up until 2-3am. getting up with me at 5am when i had to go to work. try staying with her if you haven't until she feels safe again. i know it is hard but it works if you haven't tried it. Most importantly love conquers all.
I have to agree with the other mother, prayer really does help. Myabe you can ask her what is scaring her or what she finds unpleasant about going to daycare, dance, her own bed, etc. Maybe it is something that you can help to make better. I know it is really hard when you cannot make everything all better for your child. Good Luck!!!
B.
I'm wondering what is your daughter's response when you ask her what she is afraid of?
This is the age that children realize they can be hurt or even die. This is a normal stage of development and you should not worry. Have her talk about what she is scared about...but keep taking her to her activities. if you do not take her you will give her the idea that she is right and there is something to be scared about.
L.
I would try a chart. Talk about scared with her and try to make her see that scared is not the word, and find out why. She is old enough to do some talking. See if you can make a plan, so that a week of enjoying can be stars or a book or something. Something must have happened that she is struggling with.
Hi R.,
I have a 5 year old, going on 6. I believe they go through stages. I think they go through a separation anxiety. When that happens, I believe that you should just stay with her as much as possible. Eventually, they will be okay. Why make your child do something when they are not enjoying it. My little girl was in soccer, she loves it. But there was one year she cried and did not want to leave my side. I thought it was ackward, because she had no problem going out in the field. Well, I pulled her out, this year she wanted to go back. She did wonderful!!!
I hope this helped out.
C. G.
Maybe with Halloweenand everything, maybe something has caught her attention and she isn't able to specify what it was to scare her to start with. Nevertheless, if you are a person of faith, just sit down and pray with her, assuring her that Jesus is taking care of her and so are you, regardless of where she is...simple terms for her and for you. Also, just continue to reassure her that everything is ok. Maybe even check at the daycare and see if something has changed there, even at dance...things us grown ups never think of can seem massive to little ones sometimes. Take care.
I would check to see if she has been exposed to any new adults at daycare or dance,or anywhere else. Then I would find out what they have done to frighten her. Find out if she has seen any movies, etc anywhere that has frightened her. Once you find the source then you can start reassuring her. Things associated with Halloween can be very scary for a young child who takes everything literally. We understand the decorations in stores but they don't. I had to stop taking my little girl to the store until the Halloween decorations were taken down when she was two and three. My sons didn't even pay any attention to them when they were her age. So even young children react differently. Then just keep her routines the same, be especially patient and keep reassuring her until she feels secure again. This is so important because if she doesn't resolve her fear now the next thing that frightens her will be even worse. Maybe you could take turns rubbing her back till she falls asleep or read her to sleep. She will get over her fear as long as she has you on her side encouraging her that you will protect her. In a month I hope to hear she is happy again. B.
The first thing that comes to mind is that there is a definate source of the fear. Is there a new childcare provider at the facilities? Any new children there that have been giving her a hard time? Look at the same questions in regards to her dance center etc.... I'm thinking that there is very real reasaon for her fears. Personally, I think it's important for children to feel that you see their fear and validate it. This, will encourage them to continue acknowledging their emotions and sharing them with you. Is it a possibility to find a short term alternative to the daycare? Maybe have a friend, other parent, relative or neighbor care for her for a week? During that week, you may be able to calm her enough to understand where/why she is apprehensive. It may open new doors for both of you. Please know that I am a new mom and am only basing this on my own experience. I am sure that you are a great (and smart:) mom, but maybe this would give another perspective. Good luck to both of you.
I would talk to her daycare providers and dance teachers just to make sure all is well, that her behavior has not changed significantly, or that she is not being "bullied" by other kids. If you get a chance, sit in on her dance class where she can't see you or peek in unannounced at daycare just to see if their might be a reason for her fears and confirm that all ok in all aspects of her life.
This is the age when children become more aware of themselves and start to become conscious about how they interact with the outside world. It's a stage they go through. This could present itself as "fear" but could be linked to her feeling insecure about the great, big world out there. Children don't understand the range of emotions like we do and it is harder for them to describe their feelings, instead it is more black and white emotions like "fear" or "scared". Also, this age is around the time that social development takes off and self confidence begins to manifest itself, so I would just continue to be encouraging, reassuring, and very supportive. Help her through her fears with love, but don't let the fears win out.
As for dance- Maybe give her an option to try something new. Like a new activity similar to dance such as gymnastics or baton?
Sorry for all the psycho-babble, and good luck!
I'm not sure about your beliefs, but prayer helps. If you pray with her and quote the scripture, "God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind." It worked for my kids. It makes my three year old feel really secure and they usually forget about their fears because they believe. I hope this works for you and your daughter. Fear is a terrible thing that can haunt a child and this is the best and fool proof thing I've ever tried.
Have you asked her why? Has someone scared her at daycare?
I will pray for you, with this day and time. But it could be something simple like they decorated for halloween and did something to scare the kids. Really make sure that you talk to her. Have you had the bad people, good people talk. And i would pop in on daycare just when ever, do that couple times and different times, nap time is a good one to check on..You hate to think the worlds worse, but i would check and double check all the places and people that have been around her. And talk to her, that is really all a mom can do, she is getting older and may being seeing the world for real now..
Hi R.,
I would most certainly try to find out if indeed there really is "nothing to be scared of," as you assured her. It is an unusual thing that after going to all of these things for years she is suddenly just now telling you she is scared. It makes me uneasy. These days we can never be too sure, too trusting. I just wonder if anyone is doing anything to hurt her. At this tender age, she would not just tell you, especially if she has been hurt and has been threatened not to tell you. The best way she would know how to communicate would be to say she "is scared."
I am not trying to scare you, but I do think you should make absolute sure that this is NOT the case. It is just a red flag to me what she is saying. Rule this out first, then once you are sure that is not happening, you can proceed with the good advice of those first two ladies who told you to speak that scripture over her, and nip this fear in the bud.
And pray! If you don't know the Lord what I would say is that He is faithful, in all situations, small or big.
