My Daughter Is So Emotional Lately!

Change your tone of voice when you talk to her then she will know that you mean business I use to be the same way when I was that age

I know it can be frustrating, but it's normal. My daughter is almost 8 and she has these episodes of arguing, sometimes speaking too loud, etc. Before I event wanted to look into it, I received from school, like all the other 2nd grad parents, a brochure with a summary about the 2nd graders. They are emotional, get frustrated, etc. It said in there that we need to just be close to them (sometimes they want attention) and try to distract them from what makes them this way. So don't worry,,everything is fine. They are growing, hormons start to rumble so emotions start going up and down, too..We just need to be patient.

When I worked for a family practice, the doc gave everyone a book when their child was 5. "Your 5 year old, sunny and serene". Then I read the rest of the titles in the series. 7 and 9 were not so sunny sounding. And 8 was right in between.
(http://www.randomhouse.com/author/results.pperl?authorid=534)

My youngest is 8. She has these days. But not all the time.
When they occur, we sit comfy on the couch. I'll have coffee. She might have juice. And we chat. Regroup. Find out what's up. Make sure there's not some situation/kid/fear/event that has set her off.

Third grade has... real homework. Book reports. Kids in obvious different ability levels. The other kids in the classroom have... real personalities, not all so great.

I don't ever try to be my kids' "friend". But there's nothing wrong with sitting down with coffee and your daughter. I've given them mental health days. We've played hookie.

At 8, kids realize that Something Could Happen to their parents. They analyze, maybe too much. They have the potential to obsess because they can think farther ahead into possibilities. And they copy kids at school who aren't always so sweet. I tried to keep "sassy" at the level of "moxie" and not let it go to far. There's a line between "spirited" and "brat" that can be hard to find.

Take her somewhere where she can be challenged, meet the challenge, and feel great. Rock climbing, horses, out on a boat. We have a friend whose 8yo watches horror movies, to get scared and then overcome it. I don't suggest it. But I understand it, in some twisted way. Her mom was divorced as well.

And then if nothing is improving, pro help.

Hi N.....Welcome to the wonderful world of puberty!! Yes I know you don't expect that at age 8...you were expecting that around age 12 or 13 right? Well, now it's earlier and harder I think. The emotions start first, big swings in mood, easy tears, and soon you'll be buying those beginner bras! Now all the emotional upheaval doesn't mean that her peroid will be starting soon (unless you were an early start). And of course it doesn't excuse bad behavior. But you can help her by explaining to her why she might be feeling out of control, Watching her diet by encourgeing her to drink more water and limiting her caffiene (that will help) as well as increasing her veggies, cutting back on sweets and taking a good vitimine. Also making sure she gets plenty of physical activity and gets out into the fresh air will help a lot! Stay cool, calm and collected durring her storms...if you get caught up in her emotions it won't help. Maintain your standards, reinforce your rules and you will both make it though this stage...no matter how long it lasts! It does get better as they level out, finally get their periods and get regular with it! I've been there, and am going through it myself for the third time! Best wishes.

with school starting and more work i think they are tired!!plain and simple..school and activities all week and then on the weekend...when my 8 yo gets like that i realize she is tired...

This sounds EXACTLY like my daughter!! She can have times where she is completely fine and acts like she always did, but then there is this other side of her now. She is emotional and has these outbursts over almost nothing. We are having trouble with her in 1 or 2 subjects at school and some trouble with homework. I talked with the teacher and it seems that she is spacey. I tried talking with her about these thing s calmly on several occasions and she claims that she doesn't know why she is acting this way.
She is a little over 9. I did just buy her deoderant for the first time a few months ago and it is almost time for a training bra.
My guess is that they are both going through early puberty. It seems like thats what it is. But I do have an appointment in a week with her doctor to discuss these issues, to be sure.
Hope this helps!

My DD is also 8 and also Sybil some days!! You just can't tell who you are going to get or how she'll respond to things. Our pediatrician said it IS hormonal, but not puberty. She said hormones are heavily involved in each stage of significant brain growth and 8 is a biggie. There is a reason why 3rd grade has so much more academic work - they're getting able to reason on a whole new level. Part of this is brain growth! I told DD all of this and the knowledge helped her deal with the swings. She can just say, "I need to be alone for a few minutes and I'll come back to deal with this." And she DOES!

Good luck!

As the Mom of a 13 year old girl, I can assure you its hormonal. Start looking for your daughters physical changes to begin puberity. It seems as if girls are beginning these changes earlier now.

How's her school work? Do you think she could be under stress of harder homework? Stricter teacher? Maybe a nit-picky girl or two?

Hi Nicole,
It might be hormonal.
My daughter is 9 and last year and this year have been horrible. I've been going through the same things you have been going through. Mine is starting to get "breast buds".
It may just be something as simple as that.

Well, it almost sounds like hormones, in fact that is possible, especially with all the different additives they put in our food today. Have you thought of that? The thing to try I believe is to eat as natural as you can, like raw whole fruits and vegetables and grains and whatever meat you eat make sure there are no hormones and no anti-biotics in them and make sure she drinks filtered water. If you need a list of foods for ideas, let me know, I can send you that too.

M.

My guy is still a baby, but I have worked with kids for a long time. Mybe your daughter is having some problems at school that she doesn't want to tell you about?? Sometimes cattiness starts in girls even as young as 8, and if it's been the last couple months that coincides with the start of school. If she is being bullied/teased, maybe she is scared or nervous about telling you and it is impacting her behavior at home?? Ask her if anything is going on, and I am sure you already have told her that she can tell you anything. I hope you figure it out soon!! With luck it is just maybe growing pains or transitioning from summer to school that is a little rough on her.

Hi Mom,

In a nutshell: Your daughter is growing up. as we move from childhood to adulthood we have a period of time when we push our boundaries and then a period of time when we consolodate our "new space". Interestingly, those times tend to correspond with our "years" -- so we tend to push the boundaries on the even years -- 2, for example, 4, 6, 8, 10, and 12, which is a biggie in girls cuz the hormones are also kicking in and making life miserable. (13 is a blessing after age 12) so some of this is just maturational.

However, I wouldn't just rest on that idea, and say, "oh, no big deal," because there might be things that are happening in her life that are causing her frustration -- friendships, problems at school, bullying, etc.

I was a single mom when my kids were little, (ages 3 to 8 for the oldest) and now have 4 girls, ages 27, 25, 15 and 13. So I'm an "old" mom. and I probably wasn't this calm about stuff when my first child went through it -- in fact the first one had serious anger issues, and I got to the point at age 12 that I realized even I didn't like my own child, how could anyone else enjoy her ? Only to discover that EVERYONE ELSE thought she was wonderful. and then I remembered being a kid -- and that I worked really hard to fit in and make friends and be nice at school and I took out ALL my frustration over that at home. hmmmm . . .

I don't know how much she shares at home, but I know that when I was a single mom, we had a sense of being "a team" of us girls. It was kind of "you and me" against the world, and after Dave and I married my relationship with my first 2 changed -- and I kind of miss that at times.

so, while you have that, use it. At supper, there's no one else to talk to but each other, so ask her about her day, when she says it was "okay" period. Say, "It was okay?" (try to get her to explain that statement). If she fills it in, great. If not, ask her to tell you something good that happened and something bad that happened. If you know some of her friends or her teachers, what classes she likes and doesn't like, you can ask about them. Listen as much as possible, even though you are probably tired, somewhat frustrated from work, and definately frustrated with the climate around the home. The trouble with being a single parent is that there isn't another adult in the family to de-fuse the emotional bombs before they go off between the two of you. and probably you and your daughter are similar, so you feed emotionally off each others' responses, escalating the climate to shouting matches.

when she argues back with you, try to ask questions. (Think through some "stock" questions ahead of time, so it's easier when crisis time oomes) If you can get at the root of the anger and frustration, then you can begin to overcome it. If the problem is that you won't let her go somewhere because you don't think it's a good idea, she may argue with you, but you need to stand firm on your decisions. She may be angry, but she'll feel loved.

but sometimes, we are frustrated by something at school or work, and we bring the emotion home. Then we have this bottled up emotion inside, just looking for a spark to make a bonfire. That's when you need to back off and listen. If she cries, try to hold her (if she lets you -- my eldest wasn't good at letting us hug her, but I noticed in high school and college that she hugged EVERYONE else, so I finally pushed my way back in past the invisible boundary we'd built)

One thing I started doing with my kids, starting with my big ones who were "away" -- was that I realized around 45 that I was mortal. (big discovery !) And I wanted to be sure that there was never any question in my kids minds that they were loved. I figured there wasn't, but I wanted to be sure that if I were to die, that in their last conversation with me, they heard the words, "I love you." So now, when we talk on the phone, we say good-bye, and then I always add, "I love you." To which, they usually respond, "love you, too". And since then, the I's have dropped out of my words, too, so we just say, "love you" to each other. What's neat is that it has overflowed to when I talk with my mom who lives alone, and to my sister, whom I used to be incredibly close to, but no longer am because we live too far apart . . . . and it's a reminder to that person and to me that we have a relationship and we actually DO love each other. Those are also my last words when I say good-night to my teens. (And amazingly enough, they still like to have one of us come down and tuck them in at night. I'm in shock over that one, but it provides time for one-on-one chat if something is bugging one of them, and it's a chance to say I love you, and had out another hug.

When the kids are pushing the boundaries, and hitting our buttons, it's hard to step back from the dispute, reach across the divide and hold them, so words become important. If you can draw out the reasons she's shouting at you from her, really listen to her, she won't have to shout to tell you. You can start by saying, I don't hear you when you shout. You will have to talk more quietly, so I can hear and understand. With that said, you can tone down the convesation, so it is easier to listen, and if you REALLY listen and ask questions about her responses, she will felt heard and validated, even if you disagree with her.

So often as parents we feel inadequate and often out of control when our kids are angry, hurt or upset. . . . it's not the ideal world we wished we could have for a while. .. . but those are the times when our kids need love the most.

And all you can do is to take the energy you have at that moment and do the best you can. So don't blame yourself when things don't go as well as you hoped. Just keep trying.

the first child is what I call "The experimental Child" -- cuz you are learning to be a parent. I have a tendency to apologize to my oldest periodically when we talk about growing up, cuz she had to be the experimental child. The younger ones are reaping the reward for having an experienced parent . . . . thanks to her. You don't have younger ones, so you have the experimental thing going on all the time.

But if you listen to her, you can begin to see things that you are doing that maybe are over the top. I find that we want our eldest to be perfect, so we discipline them more, have higher expectations, etc. The youngest, on the other hand, gets to enjoy life, cuz when you have 4 running around, you have stopped disciplining for the little things. You simply ignore them. Make a list of the things you MOST want from your child, and the things you argue over. If you find some on the argue list that are kind of dumb, maybe you should just drop those issues -- let her have the victories on the things that don't matter so much to you. She'll feel good, and it'll also give you more creditibility when you stand firm on the important issues.

most of all, regardless of what is happening anywhere else in her life, you are her primary relationship. If she knows and hears regularly that you love her, support her, believe in her, etc., growing up may be difficult, but she'll remember the good stuff, and you will end up with an adult who loves you for life !

since school started? maybe new friends, anything different in your life?

most likely normal growing up testing her boundaries

N.,
I only have a boy--now 5--so I can't offer specific "8-year-old-girl-advice," BUT I wanted to add that sometimes my son opens up more when he is engaged in an activity and it's not such a O.-on-O. formal discussion that ends up with the parent asking question after question and the kid saying little, or O. word responses. Maybe try bringing up issues while she is coloring, playing, hiking, walking, whatever it is she likes to do. Just a thought. Hope this helps. Good luck!

A few things ocme to mind:

1) How is she doing at school? Is she being teased? Is she finding it hard to connect with her clasmates? How are her accademics?

2)Has there been a family change? Death, birth, divorce, seperation, or matrital problems?

3) Hormones. Is she starting an early puberty?

I actually agree with the mom that said hormonal. My second daughter started that early and has some wonderful mood swings now at 11 ;-)

I'll chime in, I have an 8 year old and she is the same way! It's just hormones and becoming more independent! I actually started to notice a pattern each month. around the 3rd-4th week of the month this happens more often! I think her body is changing and preparing for the friend we don't want!!

Hang in there, it will get better! At least I keep telling myself that! Just know you are not alone.

L.