My Daughter Is Scared

When my girls were little and afraid of the dark my husband would sit in the closet with them talking to them how all is ok and eat m&ms while they were both in the closet. This help to make the dark fun and he also was in charged of bad dream nights so they were allowed about 5 to 10 min to talk about the bad dream and could stay in bed with us then time was up told them that the angles would take care of them and it was time to go to sleep. This worked for both girls and all went well before you know it.

It is normal for children to go through being scared and everything being scary. I found this book for children that you could read to her every night at bedtime. It is a book about a boy who has 4 teddy bears. Each teddy bear has a nighttime fear that the boy helps them through. The book is called "Teddy Bear Tears" by Jim Aylesworth. It is so worth having in the house. My 4 year old was having problems going to bed so we bought him a night light (which he has never had one) and read this book to him. At this time he is not saying he is scared. I believe that it worked for us and might work for you. Good luck!

My son went through that. Sometimes it is a change in their living environment - change of caregiver or something at school seemingly unrelated which makes them feel very insecure. But in our case, it was related to mercury toxicity, which I didn't discover until several years later when he starting showing some ADHD/borderline autism symptoms.

Mercury can come from moms who have amalgams or used contact lens solution thru the 1980s, and seafood and certain vaccines like the flu vaccine. If you have concerns that I suggest you do the urine porphyrins test from labbio.net

My son was the exact same way. He is slowly growing out of his fear (he's almost 7), but was afraid of everything from disneyland characters, to the ocean, to flying. The only advice I have for you is to not force anything on her. Let her lead the way and let her know it's okay to be afraid of some things. I think this has helped my son venture out and try new things.

it may just be an attention getter. try to ignore it for a couple of days, giving no response whatsoever, not even a facial expression. my friend's boy was doing the same thing and stopped within a week of not getting the reaction he wanted out of his mother. good luck

Hi S., Have you talked to her doctor about this, cause I am wondering if kids can have panic or anxiety attacks at this age. I like what you did about explaing why there are shadows, and removing certain toys together, becasue you want to comfort her but at the same time you don't want to validate her fears. I would talk to her doctor and see what he/she says. Let me know what happens if that is OK with you. J.

Hi S., I honestly can't figure out how come your daughter is so fearful. Have you thought about counseling? Maybe a few sessions of play therapy would help her explore her thoughts and realize that her thoughts are scaring her- and that she has power over them.

Hi S.,

Some of the behavior is normal but it seems excessive. Take her to a therapist who specializes in play therapy with a very young child. Maybe you can find out what's going on and help her through it.

V.

Little things can be interpreted the wrong way for little kids, even things as movies that don't seem scary to us can be to a child. When I was little, my mom said I had seen a show, not scary at all, that had a horse in it, or maybe a rocking horse in it, and I started having nightmares about a horse. Who knows why, but it eventually stopped on its own. If you are a Christian, pray God's protection over her and that her fear would be calmed. Pray for peace in her and your house. Re-assure her there in nothing to fear, that you will protect her and that you don't allow anything harmful in the house. Take her fears seriously in her eyes, but don't get paniced yourself.

That's a tough one, especially if you're not sure what started it. I just wanted to share my own memory of an experience when I was a kid. When I was around 6, I spent the night at a friends house and caught snippets of a scary movie (I think it was Friday the 13th or something like that). For a really long time after that, I wouldn't go anywhere alone. I mean ANYWHERE! Someone would have to go to the bathroom with me because I was afraid something would come out of the cabinets and get me. Eventually I grew out of it, but my family just accepted it and helped me out until I did. So perhaps just comforting her and supporting her is all you can really do.

Definitely interesting. Something has obviously sparked this fear. You may need a therapist to figure it out. When my daughter was about 4, she watched Home Alone on TV with the older two kids. And, ever since she's been afraid we'd leave her while she was sleeping. We have to leave her door open so she can hear us, and she'll yell from her bed "I can't hear you, be louder". It was just a silly movie, but she has a genuine fear. With yours, it could be something she heard or saw, you just never know. Just keep reassuring her and loving her! It may be a phase that passes.

Hi S.:
I agree with Erin.As parents, we can't catch everything. Your daughter could have possibly imagined seeing something in the dark or had a nightmare once that frightened her.Its also A childs way sometimes to let you know (She needs you) She may be feeling down or tense,or like she just needs the world to stop long enough to get a hug.Her telling you she is scared,will stop everything.It's as simple as her just needing to reasure herself,that your right there for her. Even on a busy day.I wish you and your daughter the very best.

There would be nothing wrong with talking to her Dr. about this issue, and to discuss it in front of your daughter, because at 5, she knows what you are saying, and she might finally say what has made her so scared in front of both you and her Dr. You did not say for how long this has been going on, and if she is in any daycare or preschool situation. There might be something there that you don't know about. My son sings like a canary, so I always know how his day is. Maybe have her draw what is scarying her. You might need her to expalain what she drew. There is NOTHING wrong with therapy, art, dance... whatever it takes to get her happy & safe again, NO DRUGS!! Do not let a Dr. put her on drugs. Good luck, and keep us posted, I am very interested!! :)

I feel for you. Our daughter is very fearful (she worries) too. She's now 10 and learned with behavior modification in therapy to help control it. It still comes up. No amount of explaining will help, I understand. It's like they don't trust you on these matters, right? "I'm your mother. Would I lie to you?" I've heard myself say.

There is a great book series called "What to do when you (insert word -- worry/are scared/etc)" and I checked to make sure there is one on being scared. We used the worry too much one and it had everything her therapist had taught her in it. It's a great reminder. Here's the amazon link.
<http://www.amazon.com/What-When-Youre-Scared-Worried/dp/1...;

Best of luck. G.

Could it be that she uses the word "scared" to describe anytime she is feeling a bit uncomfortable or out of her element, and she is not necessarily literally scared?

My four and a half year old speaks very well for his age, but there are certain words that he overuses. "Scared" is one of them...I've learned that he says he's scared whether he's actually scared, or just nervous or uncomfortable. When we drop him off at school he says he's scared, but we know he's not scared, he is just a little bit reluctant to see us go and then he's fine.

Another word he overuses is "hungry." When he says "I'm hungry" it just means he feels like eating something, whether he's actually hungry or not. For example, after eating a full dinner, he'll say he's hungry if he knows there's dessert waiting. For some reason he won't directly ask us for dessert, and will just say he's hungry in the hopes that we will offer it to him. It's very annoying.

My almost 5-yr-old son has the same problem. I'm just responding so I can see the other responses (not sure how to view them otherwise, sorry...). Good luck!!

Hello S., when my youngest daughter was smaller she was the same way, and if anyone knocked at the door she would run and hide in her room. It didn't matter who it was she would be gone. I don't know if your daughter is in school yet but I did put mine in pre-k, and it really seemed to helped. I think it was because she was around more kids that were her own age. Just be patient with her and let her know that what ever it is wont hurt her. Good luck and God Bless.

K.

S.,
I've been a teacher for almost 11 years. This doesn't sound completely normal to me, unless something traumatic happened to her. Could it be possible that something happened to her, something you're unaware of? Speak to her pediatrician right away, and get some referals for counseling.
What does her teacher say? Does she notice this behavior at school? This info will be helpful in figuring out what is going on.
Best wishes

It might depend on whether she's always been this way or if you think something may have brought it on.

My youngest is 6.5 and was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (she even throws up at school went scared). We'll be starting Cognitive Behavior Therapy with a Child Psychologist in August to get her past her fears.

You may want to check w/ your dr. Then to find a child therapist. There are are several options there-- a (Marriage)& Family counselor -- can to play therapy to help your child; a Child Psychologist -- can make more diagnosis and do therapy; last option is a Child Psychiatrist -- gives drugs (last resort) Unfortunately any of these can be hard to find -- many do not return calls or are not accepting new patients. I could give you names of ones that do in North OC, but I'm not sure where you are and you'll probably want to check your medical insurance plan first.

Don't think a few sessions w/ a therapist means there is something seriously wrong with your daughter. It may just be a phase, but it is worth it to check it out for a professional opinion than to worry yourself about what may or may not be normal. Good luck

I have 3 daughters (and 1 son.) One daughter and my son have always wanted to be very self sufficient, but my other 2 girls crave a LOT of attention. Kids discover early that adults will respond quickly and completely to fear, but not other situations like boredom. So, when my girls wanted attention and didn't feel they'd get the desired response from us or other adults by just engaging in normal conversation or asking us to play, they would put on a big show of being terrified, or in agony, or unable to so something for themselves (even something simple, like opening a door.) I had people stare at me like I was a monster when I would tell an apparently overwhelmed, wailing child to "stop that now," but then they'd be amazed that it would stop like a switch had been flipped. (My kids are very good little actors. ;P) I've just had to explain to them over and over (and OVER) that it is indeed possible to get someone's attention without a huge crisis. They're better about it around their dad and me, but still likely to be very overdramatic to other adults. It's the lure of immediate, complete attention.

I'd suggest that you keep responses to her fears very short and matter of fact, and give her much more exaggerated attention in normal settings - when she's coloring, playing quietly or whatever. The idea is to get her to see that she can have, and even ask for, attention in ordinary situations.

Pray for her. Eph. 6:12