My Daughter Is Getting an ATTITUDE!!!!

Funny that I was just on the phone with a girlfriend who said the same thing about her son who recently turned 4. I would highly recommend the book "Parenting with Love & Logic" by Jim Fay and Foster Cline. In the meantime, practice talking less and acting more. Rather than tell her something over and over, or give repeated warnings, etc... Get her attention and speak clearly once, then follow through with whatever consequence is appropriate. The best generic consequence I've seen so far is "room time." If my daughter (3 1/2) talks back or disobeys, I say something like "Oh no, this is sad, but sounds like you need a little room time. I was really enjoying your company, so I hope you can start being sweet real soon." You can't sound sarcastic when you do this -- act like it really pains you that she made a poor choice. Do what you need to do to keep her in her room. Once she's in there and finishes throwing her fit, you can start the timer for 4 minutes. She doesn't come out until she's been quiet for 4 minutes. (It may be 30 min before you can start the timer, and then you may have to RE-start it several times the first few times you do this, so you have to prepare yourself for a long haul). When the timer is up, no lectures or "having a talk." Express your joy that she's decided to be sweet then carry on with your day. When we first did this it was rough -- half an hour of kicking and screaming in her room -- but after about a week or so, the fits gradually became less intense and shorter. Now, she goes to her room and stays in there with minimal fussing and we have less talking back and arguing in general.

I'll be closely watching your responses as I seem to have the same problem with my four year old.
I've noticed that this is the first Christmas that she seemed to really have a concept of what was going on and thought perhaps it's as simple as thinking that they don't have to be good because Santa is watching, or sometimes I am amazed at what she gets from watching TV even on the children's channels. Does any of that sound familiar? There is lots of "spoilage" at Christmas after all, at least at my house. Well- meaning friends and relatives can take a toll on everyday discipline. Just my rationalizations anyway.
Maybe the Super-Nanny will write us!
C. S.

This may be a little late seeing you already got a lot of great responses...

Hang in there! My daughter (4 also) is doing the exact same thing. This isn't really normal for her either and I just couldn't figure out what was going on..

Finally I realized (thanks to my mom).. my daughter is over stimulated, over-stressed and off schedule. The holiday/year end is very difficult on kids. There is a lot of change in schedules (not going to preschool, mom & dad being off work, relatives coming over to visit, going on trips, Santa, lots of parties and activites).

This wears kids out just as much as it does us.. maybe give her more rest and see if it helps as well

(though don't let her get away with the bad attitude in the mean time!)

GOOD LUCK!!!

very common-I went through this a few times with my own and my nieces. be diligent with your discipline (if it's not OK, then it's not OK the 40 times she does it again so stick to your guns, you'll feel like you are constantly correcting/disciplining your child- but you will be, and that's OK) this phase will pass around 2 years from now when she has a better sense of empathy and is not so ego-centered (notices her actions affect others..) be patient and CONSISTANT. she'll be your sweetie again in no time. Kids need boundaries- oh! and reward system works great for this age. make a chart or something and after 5 stars on the chart, she gets something cool like "girl's night with mom" or a treat! so when she responds to you respectfully, PRAISE her and give her a star! consider giving her some responsibilities around the house too- like give her a wet paper towel and send her to dusting- great on the self-esteem! good luck, and remember- this too will pass:)if you are the praying type- then that is really all you need:)
T

Very good advice about being consistent with the discipline; but she is beginning the fight for some independence...very common and just the beginning. Let her make a few choices...what to wear, or play, etc. Make sure she doesn't get overwhelmed with too many choices at once. You narrow things down to two...then let her choose. Ask her opinions about things. "Which do you think would be best?" Help her learn to make the right choices. You'll see what a difference it makes. Good luck!

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Around the same time my, now, 6 year old started the samething. He was always so sweet and helpful, thankful and caring. Then overnight it happened......"who is this kid?" I found that he had to be taught that was not appropriate behavior just like whining and throwing fits. Time out works well for him. Looking back I think it was his way of expressing his independance and so forth. And on somedays it comes back on occassions and the same hold true today. He knows that if he chooses to behave with an attitude then there are consequences. My experience is that it is all apart of just growing up...... hope that helps!