My Daughter Is Delayed, Has Anyone Experienced This?

Honey, you are on the right track with ECI, but that is not all you need, and don't try to rule anything in or out until you get her a full evaluation by a developmental pediatricain. Call the nearest children's hopspital in the morning, get an appointment with a Developmental Pediatrician, and take what ever therapy the state (ECI) will give you in the mean time. If you can suppliment that with private speech and OT, do so. ECI is there to prepare your child to be funcitional, and you want much more than that.

I know this is hard, but try not to wonder what it is until you talk to a DP about her evaluation resluts. You make a big point about being premature, and eitherway, the DP is the one who can tell you what is going on here. They will call in every single professional she needs and put it all into one report for you and give you a treatment plan to follow, and you will not have to guess. One thing that they may not be able to do is to tell you why, and that is very hard when they are little. As mine have grown up (my oldest delayed child is now 18) I have learned that why matters less and less because what really matters is getting her what she needs today to be the best she can. Get more therapy rather than less, and given a choice, always get the test, go to the new office, schedule the appointment, do another therapy...never rest or wait and see, if she is going to just outgrow it, she will still out grow it if you get her that therapy too!

One last thought for you, don't beat yourself up for a second, not one second. You did not work with her on waving or pointing because that is something that kids pick up on without instruction. You can start now if you want, but know that you are not to blame. I am saying this to you, and I mean it, don't do it. That will be the hardest thing you ever do in your whole life, but she needs you to put that energy into helping her. Few people will see how hard you work, but she will. Take as good care of yourself as you do of her.

M.

Please know that there is no evidence that vaccines cause any type of delays, tons of ASD research money has been spent on this myth, and you can be very confident in the results that show no connection. I can tell you that what ever the nature of your daughters delay, being protected against preventable illness is still a very good thing for her, and in my experience with my own delayed children, they handle illness less well than children without delays, so make every effort to prevent what you can. Again, don't try to diagnose this yourself, and try not to worry. Finally, take heart in all the stories about children who were just like yours, but are now totally fine, but try to put these aside and don't have that expectation. It can be very damaging to your own emotional journey if you count on that (been there, done that!) MR

They will most likely get her OT, PT and speech therapy if she needs it. It doesn't really matter "why" she is delayed and you shouldn't be looking to place blame on anyone or yourself. Do as EI recommends and she'll get the help she needs. Good luck!

Hi, I saw that you asked for input from me on my thread below about my twins, I'll call them S and T. My boys were preemies too, 11 weeks early. I have never stopped worrying about them since the day they were born! It is SO hard.

My boys got into Early Intervention at 6 months because they showed gross motor delays. They saw a PT until they started walking (16 months, which is totally within the normal range) then they were discharged. Right around that time is when I started to worry about their speech. I am a terrible googler (am constantly looking things up) so I realized they also were not pointing or waving yet. They "failed" their MCHAT at 18 months which is a screening test the pediatrician gives for autism red flags. They were re-evaluated for EI and were behind on EVERYTHING. They started ST and classroom right away, and soon my son who had more of a delay started OT. T started signing and talking pretty quickly and was discharged from ST after awhile. S didn't really say consistent words until 2 1/2! At 3 years old they "graduated" and S qualified for school district services and T was deemed to be in the "normal" range. They attend a developmental preschool, S has an IEP and T is a "peer model" in the classroom. T is still on the lower end of average for speech in my opinion, but he is catching up quick. S has a good vocabulary, but is still pretty behind in speech. They suspect apraxia, which can look like autism because of the way trouble with motor coordination and speech can affect social and play skills. By the way, NEITHER boy pointed and waved until at least age 2!

SO, sorry about the long story. Back to you...it is really hard not to worry but you are doing exactly what you need to do, getting your daughter into services. Make sure you are "correcting" her age for prematurity when you look at milestones, too. Don't worry too much about those evaluations, my kids scored ridiculously low on those things. (They are obviously very bright.) Try to get your daughter into classroom services if they have them through your clinic, I think it helped my boys SO much. Your little girl is so young that it is hard to know yet when she will "catch up" or what her diagnosis will be, if any. I can't tell you not to worry because I still do, all the time, but I am coping a little better now. Feel free to message me with more questions.

Good for you for taking her to EI. Now you and she will get the help you need for her to have the best life possible. She is VERY young and it is too early for you to panic or self-diagnose.

Just follow through with the EI recommendations and see where that takes you. Whatever her diagnosis turns out to be (if anything) you and she will have a rich beautiful life together! Enjoy every second of it!

WANTED TO ADD: While I advocate for and adore ALL children, I am especially fascinated by children who are unique and challenging. Whatever her therapy future holds, she and you will be surrounded by people who feel the same way! :)

First of all, take a few really deep breaths. I understand all too well the panic you are feeling. Our oldest son (now 8) was severely speech delayed at 2-1/2, and when we went in for the initial diagnosis, they gave him a lot more labels as well. They kept saying he was autistic-like, but not really autistic.

Just yesterday we had his IEP and the school changed his qualifying diagnosis to autism because he is no longer speech delayed and did not qualify for services under that diagnosis. He does have a diagnosis of PDD (which is on the spectrum), but two years ago the neuropsych said she specifically couldn't give the autism diagnosis because he didn't fulfill all the requirements. But the school requires a diagnosis in order to provide special needs services, and autism is closest to his "official" diagnosis. He still has handwriting, auditory processing and attention issues, so still needs the extra assistance, but he is totally caught up in the area of speech.

The labels don't mean a lot. All they mean is the child is not "normal" or "typical". Just after switching him to the autism qualification they spent the rest of the IEP telling us how bright he was but he wasn't performing up to his potential, yet he fits right in in class. The kids play with him as much as anybody else, and he doesn't behave in any way that would make him stand out. Only difference is that he is behind academically and he also has issues getting too hyper when he runs a lot, but many boys his age are like this.

Once a child is labeled delayed in any area, they look into all areas to assist. The label does not mean your child will be impaired for the rest of her life, it just means right now she is not on par with peers, and she might need help to catch up. That may change a year, two years or 5 years from now. Truth is, all kids have challenges, they just don't get the services like a kid in special needs. So don't panic at the labels, it is really just a way to qualify for services and maximize opportunities for assistance.

By the way, I have a brother who was very much to himself as a toddler. He didn't speak until he was 4-1/2, and had great difficulty with eye contact. He has a masters from MIT and is one of the smartest people I know on this planet. He was just different.

STOP reading stuff that scares you! Let the pro's and other people you know and trust try to navigate this. My son didn't talk at all until he was 2. His case sounds very similar to your daughter and you sound a heck of a lot like I did when I was facing it. I was afraid and thought the worst. If your daughter was early then you can't compare her to kids who are her age and decide she's not measuring up. Many early kids are behind but only because they started too early. We did all of the long evaluations and had a case manager who saw us every two weeks along with speech people, a nutritionist, and a physical therapist. My son had ear infections but nothing that would cause him to not 'hear'. Hearing is like eyesight. Just because they can hear you doesn't mean it's in focus. After lots of evaluations, observations and an in depth hearing test we learned that my son did have some hearing loss. He'd hear me call out to him. He'd respond to his name but not questions. He could hear but couldn't understand because I sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher. His name was something he heard so much that he'd developed the association even though he wasn't getting other words. He also had torticollis. (no clue how to spell it) The muscles on one side of his neck were much shorter than the other side. He was in pain. Between the constant muscle strain trying to hold up his giant head and the ear infections that we couldn't keep in control he was in pain all the time and I REALLY had no idea. I thought it was colic then when his constant crying went on I thought I just had a spoiled boy who wanted to be held. I simply dismissed that there was a 'physical' problem and assumed it was a developmental delay. It makes a lot of sense to me now. Now that we've worked on the physical parts he's caught right up. At almost 4 he's talking too much and repeating every word out of my mouth and less than 2 years ago I doubted that he'd be able to even say Mommy. You are right to have concerns and Early Intervention is really wonderful. I don't know where our family would be without their help and support. They will look at the whole picture and can bring in any kind of specialist you've ever dreamed up in order to get answers for you. My MIL and hubby both thought I was crazy for worrying. My MIL actually laughed in my face every time I'd say anything about his specialists. Had I listened to them instead of the people at EI my son would have had MORE hearing loss and been farther behind every day. You can't just sit back and do nothing but that doesn't mean that you should let your head go to the extreme in the other direction either. One of the first things our case manager said to me was 'stop comparing your son to the milestone timeline you read in a book' Those schedules of development are not exact. They are generalized guidelines that are 'average' and don't take any other circumstances into account. Express your concerns and fears to your case manager. Don't be afraid to ask anything or share any detail. The tipping point for my son was when I mentioned that he cried every time I changed his diaper. Turns out that's a classic sign of chronic fluid in the ears...the ears that were just fine.

Slow? She is only a baby. Just love her. There is a ;99 per cent chance
she will catch up.

Breathe, mom. OK, your daughter has been evaluated and is delayed. Get as many services as you can, and work with the therapists. Your daughter will advance, and the therapists have seen lots of children and you can discuss your fears as well as a path forward with your team of therapists. I had services for my older daughter ( about 4 hours per week) who was showing speech and social delays, and she is typical now. The therapists came to my house to offer services. My nephew was showing delays at about that age as well. He was eventually diagnosed on the autism spectrum, and has received more than 20 hours per week of services in the past 3 years. He is now 5 and is in kindergarten in a typical class, even though he still has some delays. The important thing to do is get services for her and work with the therapists to get her some help. Some kids just need more guidance than others. And most of all, keep loving her and try to take care of yourself so you can take care of her and get her the help she needs.

Don't panic, and definitely don't blame yourself! If she does end up being autistic know that there is nothing you did that would have caused it. You did the right thing in getting her early intervention. Whatever her issue turns out to be, early intervention can make a world of difference. Some kids grow out of it, some make great strides in catching up to their peers, and some will always be a little behind. The most important thing is that you love your baby for who she is, and everything else will turn out ok. My son is autistic, but he is very bright and an absolute joy to be around. Just take it one day at a time, and do what you think is right.

i knew a little girl who was exactly like you described and she was diagnosed autistic. dont panic and see what the other moms say

keep working on interacting with your daughter. get down on her level. be animated. talk all the time. read. find something that engages her,and really focus on that. specifically work on skills - even if it seems like they should happen on thier own - like pointing and waving. she needs to learn that doing these things will reap benefits like getting what she wants!

i would also find a good developmental pediatrician to do a complete evaluation. you could also take her to the Autism center at UCLA where she could have a comprehensive evaluation.

is she receiving services from your regional center?

good luck & keep investigating. now is the time to address these issues. early intervention makes all the difference!

Yes. My son had these same symptoms, and was diagnosed with significant delays in all areas: motor, speech, coordination. He was not social at daycare, and preferred to play on his own -- over and over with the same toys. We had him evaluated, and I cannot stress the importance of Early Intervention. We had him in Speech, Physical and Occupational Therapy almost immediately. We did Socialization groups, and placed him in a Developmental Preschool. I am happy to say that he is one happy, social, and beautifully developing child, verbal as can be. While he is still delayed in certain areas and might always mildly be, I believe that Early Intervention has given him the Self Confidence to know that he can participate fully in the world and not be afraid. MAKE SURE you have Regional Center evaluate and fund you wherever possible. It is an expensive road all by yourself -- but it IS worth every dime you will pay out of pocket. If you need specific referrals, please contact me and I will be happy to give you all the info you need. Blessings and love to your little angel. She will be fine. Just take care of her -- sooner rather than later while those precious little neurons are taking their place in her development. xx

We had very similar problems with my nephew and he went through all the evals. Even though we read to him non stop and worked with him daily. Turns out he was just being stubborn. I think maybe you should start working with her on everything. From blowing kisses to waving byebye read, read, read. I'm working with my 17 mo old. I love the picture Bright Baby books. It's just the picture and you just keep repeating. Of course do what ever the dr. suggest but these are little things we did w my nephew who is now 2 and advanced because we talked to him non stop and read and played learning stuff. Just repeat everything over and over thats how he learned. Also both boys "ignore" when I call their name. Its like a little game they play. Good luck I hope all is well.

The range of "normal" is so large that most of the time, I think we parents worry too much. "Average" or "normal" are really mathematical terms that mean "right in the middle, with roughly half the population above and roughly half below." Thinking of it that way might make it easier to avoid freaking out.

I didn't speak at all until I was 3 years old. My mom says, "It was useless to send you to your room as a punishment. You were happy as a clam all alone." My sister, on the other hand, would stand in the doorrway of her room and scream at the top of her lungs is she was sent to her room.

When my oldest was a baby, if her toys rolled out of her reach, she never cried or fussed, she just watched them go. If you put something just out of her reach, she'd just look at it, never try to go get it. Other kids would shriek and howl if they couldn't reach their things. I spent a lot of time worrying about which behavior was "normal." She hated eye contact, all through childhood. She hated camera lenses, too - all of our photos show her looking just to the side of the camera.

Years later, when I worked in our church nursery, there were a few very high maintenance kids who needed you to be playing with or reading to them every minute. I really appreciated one girl, an only child at the time, who would come in, choose a book or toy and sit quietly playing by herself. She was happy, even when the other kids were crying. The other teacher, though, was just dismayed. "That's so SAD, to see a child all alone like that!" she'd say. "I really wish she wanted to play with the other kids!"

Some people, me included, are just happiest in our own heads. We prefer quiet and solitude and are likely to read a lot. We would never walk up to a stranger or casual acquaintence and strike up a conversation. Other people, like my husband and my youngest daughter, are likely to strike up a conversation with everyone they meet. They love parties and crowded events, things that make people like me want to run and hide. Both attitudes are perfectly "normal," even though they're different.

BTW, that quiet oldest daughter is now 24. She graduated from both high school and college with honors. She had great friends, a great husband, and a job she loves.

Don't stress too much! If your daughter is reasonably healthy, and she's content besides, you're ahead! She'll have a normal life. Don't worry too much about labels or comparisons.

My child didn't wave, point or kiss by your daughter's age. Her pediatrician had a much more relaxed approach to measuring these things... He said that her making a sound in relation to something was her method of pointing, the other two were not that big of a deal since I wasn't modeling waving or kissing goodbye. Not trying to minimize your situation, but honestly, the books on development and the markers were making me crazy, so I threw them out. My daughter and I joined a RIE group and later a Waldorf group and we were both happier not being isolated. Maybe there is a baby-mother group you can join and you will both feel more connected.

My son is also delayed...He'll be three in a few months and has recently had a vocabulary 'explosion'...but 5-6 months ago he wasn't even saying 'mommy' and 'daddy' to the right person! He's still behind...but is improving. At first, it was very hard for me...my other two children are above average...my daughter (1st grade) is reading several years beyond grade level, etc. He has a language specialist from the early intervention program here that comes in twice a month and works with him....and gives me some suggestions for things to do. He's had several tests...his hearing is fine...not autistic...but he is delayed. I wondered if I had somehow neglected him because he's the 3rd child and I was busier...I analyzed the heck out of the poor kid/situation...worried about all kinds of stuff. Now, I really try to go out of my way to teach him things that I did not need to 'teach' my others. This time we've spent together has definitely made for a positive bond between us...I really enjoy my one-on-one teaching time with him. I'm constantly looking up stimulating games, toys, activities, etc. online...in books at the library...etc. I agree...do all you can...seek out help...listen/do what they say...but also trust your intuition. On a somewhat 'hard' day...I asked myself..."What's the worst that can happen? What's the worst it could be?" "Is that going to affect my love for him?" "While I stop trying to help him if that's the case?" No...and really...even if it was the worse case scenario...it would be OK. It would be hard...I would have my meltdowns I'm sure...but, I firmly believe that God is in control. I have a good friend who has a sibling that has severe down syndrome...she's one of the most compassionate, understanding people I know...She has a totally different perspective on life having had that experience. Just do your best....it may be she's just developing according to her own timing...or it may be that she does need a lot more extra help. Either way...keep loving her and trying to find ways to help her...and enjoy her :)

I am a physical therapist . I would have her doing alot of gross motor activity lots of crawling games like puppy, kitty, make fort she has to crawl in , have crawling races. be on the floor with her alot. Go swimming, have her on her stomach alot and rolling across the floor. Also not to freak you out but I would hold off on vaccinations if she is in an autism spectrum(which we do not know ) but these types of kids seem very sensitive to the preservatives in the vaccines. you can always catch up later in a few years. Don't let your Pediatrician bully you into taking them too. I have seen kids who are behind really tank when they get those 18 month shots. I would also start giving her tuna or flax seed oil. go to a health food store and get gel caps you can poke a whole in it then squeez
the oil in her mouth. I started my kids on oils when they were 9 months old. the brain really needs healthy fats. or Nordic natural oils for kids in a chew form if she is able.The oil is safe because you control it. Make sure she is eating really healthy. No junk food. Good luck she will probably be fine. get evals and do as they recommend.