My Child Won't Sleep

Updated on January 26, 2008
P.B. asks from Seattle, WA
15 answers

Hello all,
My daughter is 8 months old and she is still waking me up in the wee hours of the morning. She is bright eyed and bushy tailed until I give her a bottle. I've tried giving her a bath before bed time. I also tried a warm bottle with cereal in it but she is still waking up. No matter how early or late I put her in the bed she still wakes up. My mom said I should just let her cry but that's easier said than done when its not your child. Any suggestions??

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So What Happened?

I want to thank everyone who responded for their great advice. I love to see the variety of methods used by moms from those that had one to 5 children or more. I took Torrie to the doctor for her 2nd flu shot and another vaccine and asked my doctor how should I approach Torries sleeping situation. She advised that I stopped giving Torrie the bottle at night and just try to cuddle her due to the possilbililty she was suffering from seperation anxiety. This could be true because I was a stay at home mom for the first 7 months and I was breastfeeding (which I had to stop because she began biting OUCH) and giving her a bottle. Last night and the night before I didn't give her the bottle and she seemed okay, however I did put her on my chest like I used to when she was a tiny infant and she fell asleep. But however I will continue to read the advice that was given to me by all you wonderful moms!!! I'll have to check out some of the books as well. Thank U!!!! (*_*)

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V.C.

answers from Portland on

I know this sounds strange, but maybe she is waking because of overtiredness. Maybe try getting her to bed earlier rather than later. My 10 month old goes to SLEEP at 6pm. Try aiming for an earlier bedtime. That old adage, "Sleep begets sleep" can sometimes be true. Good luck!

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J.M.

answers from Portland on

With all of my seven kids I have had to get up in the middle of the night. They seemed to process breatmilk very fast. I am giving my 10 m old a bottle now around four on the morning so that he will go back to sleep until a decent hour. I have never been one to let my kids cry to sleep, and I have been critisized for it. My house is only 1244sq ft. I think it unfair to everyone if I let the baby cry.

I posted to let you know you are not alone,and I have just put this down to being a Mom. Lack of sleep comes with motherhood.
Interesting enough, when my kids become school age none of the have been shy about getting up to give oral reports. Part of me wonders if that might be from the care and security I gave them when they were small.

jem

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M.D.

answers from Seattle on

It may just be as simple as teaching her how to sleep, and I hope it is. My 5 yo was a terrible sleeper and to some extent still is. We have learned that he is gluten intollerant and probably has other foods he should not have as well (will do that test in a few weeks). We are finding that when he doesn't get any gluten he is much better and feels better. His body may have received substance but it was not nutrition to him, therefore he would need more and more often.
Dairy and gluten are biggies for this. While I was nursing him I had to go off of them for awhile. It is a big lifestyle change but worth it.
You may want to consider this as a possibility. It's so much easier taking a smaller child off these things than an older one, not to mention the easier it will be for all of you as he sleeps better!

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S.E.

answers from Seattle on

You might try chiropractic. I know it sounds scary when it's your baby but there are great chiropractors out there that love to help babies and children. call around to the offices (and freinds). The offices will answer any questions you have. If they don't, obviously, don't go there! I took my son to the chiropractor at the age of 6 becasue he had never slept through the night. Six years of waking up twice a night. He started sleeping through the night immediatley. He just needed his neck adjusted! The chiropractor will usually have you lay down with the baby holding her belly down on top of your stomach. They also have you just stand there and hold the baby up to your shoulder like you're birping her. The baby isn't scared and it's painless. I would recommend it to anyone!

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A.B.

answers from Portland on

A lot of children and babies don't naturally sleep through the night. Letting her cry it out is not a good solution because while it might work in the short term (becaused she eventually will give up, hopeless), what it's teaching her is that you are not going to reliably be there to comfort her when she's hungry, scared or wants some cuddling. She is still SO young, if you give it some time she will sleep through the night.

I highly recommend the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley or "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr William Sears for sleeping issues. Crying it out is not a compassionate way to teach your child to sleep.

Good luck!

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A.S.

answers from Richland on

I am the mother of five and just before my 4th child was born a friend suggested a book about babies and sleeping that literally changed my life. I suggest all mothers and fathers read this book no matter what age of infants or toddlers you have. This book is called On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo. There are actually two or three books. The first book is about how to get your infant to sleep by 9 weeks old and goes through 15 months. The second is toddlers stage. Like I said, this book changed our lives!! I can't say that I agreed with absolutely everything in the book, but in general the advice is very, very sound and it works even if you aren't starting from the newborn stage. I hope you read it very soon and it changes your life too. By the way, I checked it out from the local library.

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S.R.

answers from Medford on

My oldest son used to do that too. I would just make him a bottle to go back to bed. If wee hours are something in the neighborhood of 2:00 ro 4:00 am, what else can you really do?
Eventually, I'm sure he'll get the message.
I'm a mother of 5 children ages 15 thrugh 23.
Good luck :)

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K.L.

answers from Portland on

Ya know.... This is a big issue for me. I'm not a great sleeper, and my baby's father isn't either. My baby has some nights where she sleeps for a solid 12 hours, and most nights she doesn't. I figure that if I put her down at 8 and she sleeps for 7 hours, that's a good thing.

There seems to be a lot of pressure these days for babies to "sleep through the night". I think it's important to evaluate each child as an individual with predispositions to sleep (or not) just like adults. Each baby has different needs. When my pediatrician (who is *awesome* and has an infant of his own, and I believe his wife stays at home) expressed concern that my baby wasn't sleeping through the night, I did some research and learned that babies of working moms tend to wake up more during the night needing the reassurance of comfort. This is counter-intuitive to the "cry it out" advice. When I've responded to her needs keeping this in mind, things have gone better for my daughter and we've both gotten more sleep. For whatever reasons, maybe some babies just need more reassurance and comfort from mom than others. It doesn't mean they are defective.

So, I guess my advice is just to think of your baby as her own person with her own needs. You know her better than anyone else. If letting her "cry it out" makes you bristle, then it probably isn't right for your baby and for you.

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K.S.

answers from Seattle on

Try the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley....really great suggestions!

K.

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J.

answers from Portland on

My second child did not sleep through the night until about 27 months!! I trusted my doctor when he said that she really did not need the nourishment at night- up until that point I did nurse her when she awoke. After that point (and I can't remember how many months that was), I would go to her, hold her briefly, and then lay her back down... repeatedly. Eventually I cut the holding and just laid her back down. What worked the best was having my husband go in. We never let her cry more than about 10 minutes, well maybe 20 if we were just super exhausted!

Good luck.

J.

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Y.G.

answers from Portland on

Your baby is waking up for a reason....maybe its hunger, temperature, noises, dirty diaper or security but whatever the cause, she looks to you to solve it. (that should feel pretty good!) If a bottle puts her back to sleep than she probably needed it for a growth spurt. Don't give up on your routine, its very secure feeling what to expect before bedtime. Just be flexible, try not to get upset (they can tell). For the next few years you'll have great stretches of sleep and all of a sudden they are waking up at night again. I think letting them cry it out is a sad approach for a child needing a sense of security. She needs to know you are there for her. You can change your approach when they are 2 or 3 and can relay what their problem is. At 10 months old, that "cry" is her voice, she shouldn't be ignored. Hang in there, you sound very sensitive to her needs and your instinct will guide you. Do what makes you feel good, not what your mother wants. Its your turn to be mom.

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T.H.

answers from Seattle on

Hi - I have an 11 month old that sometimes wakes up in the night and I have decided to just let him cry for a little bit. He does not cry for very long and I figured that he needs to learn that it is not time to get up. Especially if it is really early. Your daughter may be in a habit of doing this and she gets a reward for it because it sounds like you do go in and give her a bottle.
Unless she really is hungry, I would wait and see how long she will cry and stay out of the room. It may take a little bit until she stops crying and it is really hard not to go to them! I know! I would also recommend ready "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" to get some ideas as well. Good Luck!

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K.M.

answers from Seattle on

Hate to say it, but your mom is right. She is more than capable to sleep all night at this age. My son has been sleeping at least 10 hours since he was 3 months old(we did sleep training with him) but did have an odd spell around 7 months that he wanted to wake up at 4am! So,after giving into it thinking it was this or that I realized it was a habit forming. I was making him be hungry at that time by feeding him. So, at first I gave him less and less over about 3 days so he was down to about half a bottle(ounce less each day) and then let him cry it out. It took just a couple day and he worked passed it. Your little one could be hungry yes, but probably only because you are encouraging the hunger by feeding her. Couple things to think about:Consisent bedtime routine that is different than nap time, bed time itself-too early/late,depending on what time she is waking anytime after 6am is considered normal(assuming appropiate bedtime),any light coming through that would wake her.

Hope that helps some! Good luck! It's not easy to hear them cry but sleep is so beneficial and needed for these little ones. Know that it's for her benefit and she can learn it's time to sleep. They CAN LEARN! =)

Letthing her cry is NOT showing her you are unreliable. They are able to learn and manipulate you by this age. You may see this when she may give a fuss then you look and she smiles! They know that you are going to respond...but when it's sleeping time it's important to have them learn that. My son snuggles and loves on me all day long-by letting him cry(at the time appropiate,because he knows how to sleep on his own we rarely have crying,ever)he does not feel abandoned by me.

*the book reffered I do not find "good"...I would try "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" By Ferber or "Happy Sleep Habits,Healthy Child" Both are excellent and good investments for later in child's life.

-K.

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T.M.

answers from Eugene on

Hi!
Don't be discouraged, you're not alone! The truth is that NO ONE sleeps through the night. We all wake up, roll over and go back to sleep. Babies especially have short sleep cycles and it's normal for her to wake up wanting some comfort. She's not necessarily hungry, true, but she may just want to know you're there. My daughter is 17 months and wakes up around 5 am. We bring her to bed with us (I do give her breastmilk, but only once a night) and she sleeps until 7. This is recent. Until about 2 months ago she was still waking up several times in the night wanting milk, comfort, etc. When I decided she only gets milk once, she started sleeping longer. But we still responded to her cries. You have to decide what works for your family. Letting her cry is not the only option! Eventually she will sleep through the night... I also recommend Dr. Sears for some great ideas re: sleep. Check out askdrsears.com They're only this small for such a short time, try to enjoy the cuddle time you get!

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M.H.

answers from Portland on

I would recommend the book "The Baby Whisper Solves all your problems..." It sounds corny but it addresses all the problems you mentioned. I found it to be the most middle of the road sleep book out there from my research. The idea is to help your child get to sleep on their own while not abandoning them in the process. She talks about reasons babies wake up which include habitual waking and early waking, which it what sounds like you have had problems with, and gives soulutions. The biggest success for us was to remove the sleep association of eating/nursing and to reintroduce swaddling (I sewed 4 receiveing blankets together and fold it about half way down and she has a very difficult time getting out if it is done right). This book was a God-send for us and our 6 month old and it really works!

Good luck!

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