My best friend is an amazing soul. She works in childrens services for one of the tribal communities in our area. She went to a funeral this afternoon for a little boy who is suspect to victim of homicide. He was three. The family that was there went into detail. I have to share so you know what she is up against here..He was sick. He had stomach issues. The mom is now the lead suspect in the case. She has yet to be arrest. They dont have enough solid evidence to take her in. Anyways the little guy died of a fatal blown to the stomach. they dont know if it killed him immediately or if was something that she did a few day before he was found dead, meaning he was injured for some time and then passed away.
How can i be there for her. I have prayed with her, without her. for the family remaing with the loss of such a young soul. I dont want to be a broken record though. /she is going to be dealing with this for a while. since she works in the childrens services and will be there every step of the way through all of whats left of an investigation. the other thing is the mom still has custody in there home of her other children! why have they not been removed? That just seems insane to me. She told me it was because she has not been charged yet.. really though...I would think we have a better system then that. please please please I need insight for this. she has walked with me through all of my hardships and horrible things. She has never had something like this hit her before.
my stomach is sick and I need to have the go to be there for her every step of the way..whatever she needs. I just want tobe able to be at bat for her...and not sound like a broken record.
Prayer to. I know he is in heaven now. Taken too soon. I know he is safe away from harm now. Just typing that givens me chills and tears.
thank you
The mom is having the children removed this morning. She is equip to deal with all of this. She also has expressed towards me though she is not ok. Her team that she works with has never handle such a horrible load with this one.
The mom has not been charged but the speculation that she was involved seems like enough and she is going to be charged. I will have my nephew(she and i are aunts to our kiddos blood holds no boundaries with us)tonight so that she is able to be at work as long as she needs to. This is the best I can do outside of being her rock. Thank you all for taking the time to offer out prayers and advice. The ball on the who did it really just started rolling as of Tuesday.
No one ever wants to hear that the mom or family is involved. It is just gut wrenching to be wittness to what is going on. They have emergency counseling that will be open for them to go and talk if need be. I am going to try and encourage her to take advantage of all of this.
Lipstick mama!...you are totally right. I think that is what the ache is at the bottom of my stomach. I want to be there for her. I am in no shape to become overly emotionally involved. I have prayed about it and I think the best thing I can do for her is be there right now for my nephew. So she can be where she needs to be. It is the best thing I can give her. Piece of mind knowing that he is somewhere safe. I never thought baout how becoming so involved would set me back on my own progress. Thank you. I think you turned me in the right direction for her.
This was written by a representitive for children & youth, regarding mortality in small children. Very well written & eye opening.
http://www.rcybc.ca/groups/Media%20Room/FromLosstoLearnin...
if the link doesnt work, google Amanda, Savannah, Rowen and Serena:
From Loss to Learning
The WONDERFUL thing about our justice system is for the most part - it doesn't ASSUME guilt.
You cannot charge the mother without evidence. I know we all want justice for a young child - especially a 3 year old who didn't have a chance to live. But going in gong-ho for mama - doesn't mean SHE DID IT.
So - you need to be there for your friend. Let her talk with you and be there for hugs, or whatever else she might need.
Nevermind the in heaven stuff. He's still dead and the other children may be traumatized from what they have seen or been subjected to themselves.
We don't know that it was the mother. It could have been her boyfriend or an older child in the family who went overboard. The investigation will hopefully show all sides of the case.
You can be there for your friend by listening when she wants to talk. Not prodding her when the investigation must be kept secret or what is known cannot be broadcast.
And, you can keep her secrets when she says how much the job bothers her or how hard it is to be the social worker for such a family. In this way you will protect her from public criticism as often the social worker is blamed too.
Take three big breaths every time you are troubled about this child's death or what your friend tells you. Take your kids swimming several days a week and if they don't swim enroll them in swim classes. Water calms the nerves. With all you have been through lately it will be very good for you.
For your friend you can just be there for her - an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
Hers' is not an easy job and I admire her for her strength to take care of children who need her. Ask her if there is a system in place, through her work, to help her deal with this - in house counseling, support groups. Also, I would like to think that there are others at her job that can also help her through this.
As for the mother - our justice system is sometimes slow to work. Innocent until proven guilty, while a fair and honest system, does sometimes mean, to us the observers, a slow, painful process. Have faith that it will work. For you, if you want to get more involved in protecting children see if there is a CASA in your area...they are a children's advocacy group and train volunteers to act as representatives to children in court. www.casaforchildren.org/
I will keep you all in my prays.
God Bless
:( So so sad! This is the field that I want to get into to at some point. This post breaks my heart. I have a 3 year old...
Just be there and pray.
I'm so so sorry to hear about this child and his family.
I must say, after following your recent posts this month, that it worries me for you to be so emotionally connected and updated with the child's death. I know you are overcoming your "food monster" and this type of knowledge can only cause negativity, anxiety and pessimism as you cope with the knowledge and details. I don't mean to sound cold hearted, but I think you should try to distance yourself from being too involved in the knowledge. It can cause such anger and frustration inside that all your progress maybe wiped out. Try and surround yourself with positive, calm energy.
Hugs.
Just be there to listen. Don't need to say anything or solve the problem because you can't. If your friend is going to continue working in such a high-stress field, then it would be good for her to go to a counselor on a regular basis to help her process all of the dark stuff that she is being exposed to and let go of the facts and emotions that are beyond her control.
I'm guessing that the mom still has custody of the other children because all law enforcement and CPS has right now is a bunch of suspicions. They don't even know whether a homicide has actually occurred yet let alone, how it had happened. I could be wrong but am thinking that in order to terminate parental rights or to remove children from the home, there needs to be more than just an accusation and a guess. It's just a safeguard to make sure that the government is not wrongfully taking children from their parents without just cause. Again, I am guessing here. Could be totally wrong.
Having worked in a similar field and having friends who do so, most of us know these kinds of terrible situations are part of the job. What is most helpful to me is to have someone who will listen and reassure me that I'm doing everything I can for the children I work with. I also need to be repeatedly reminded that I have to take care of myself if I'm going to be any help to the children I work with (or my own children). I worked in the field long enough that I know what I need to do--I just need to be reminded that taking care of myself isn't selfish. I'm praying for all involved in this tragedy.
I am so deeply saddened by this. I am here at the computer crying for this little boy who lost his life. My suggestion for you is to set up a prayer chain for her and all of the family involved----get a group of people continuously praying for everyone involved. Prayer works and it will help. As much as you can, offer to take care of your nephew and try not to get wrapped up in the details of the case---Best wishes---
Molly
the other children haven't been removed because it hasn't been proven that the mother committed a crime. this is a good thing. none of us want to live in a country where our children can be taken from us simply on suspicion.
a free and open society is by its very nature a dangerous one. it means that people get hurt. it's a constant price we pay and it's a high one. but worth it.
your friend is in a difficult line of work. it sounds as if she is well-equipped to handle the gut-wrenching aspects of what she does. you aren't wired the same way, but you can be there for her by listening, by being available, by not trying to problem-solve for her.
khairete
S.
I am so sorry that you are having trouble processing this. You seem to be a very compassionate person. I think your friend is lucky to have someone like you in her life.
I hope that you understand that I say the following with sincere kindness and thoughts of your friend's difficult time. I think it is important that you not share the details of the case with us. I think a general outline of her job description and anonymous difficulties would have sufficed. I also work for the state (with the foster system and CPS), and am bound to confidentiality on all cases. If I were to be caught giving out details of a case, I would be fired and banned from the field. Mamapedia is not entirely anonymous. Any one of us could be your friend's supervisor, and her career could be ruined. There are enough details in your post of the case to make it very recognizable. She is not really supposed to share case details with you (technically), but that can be a gray area, since it is a demanding field and she might need to decompress. Of course, a part of me thinks that she might benefit from some work-related counseling to get through this as well. I have been working for the state for about 4 years now, and I have been to a counselor a couple of times to process some of the things I have seen. Most of the time I can maintain professionalism and the appropriate level of detachment with the work. But every once in awhile I can break down and I need a safe outlet to vent that is confidential, which is what counseling provides.
Another poster mentioned how important it is to "keep her secrets". I completely agree. I also hope you will be able to distance yourself from this to keep your health intact as well. I wish you well.
