My Almost 3 Year Old Will Not Sleep Much at Night!

You might try putting the gate on her door instead of the hall. I realize this may be an inconvenience because she goes to the potty at night, but you can physically take her back to bed. Explain night time is for sleeping, tuck her in 1 time and leave the room. If she gets up take her back(no talking this time). This may take a few times and may involve some crying (from both of you, I know I did)don't allow playing or changing clothes. After a couple of nights she will get it(hopefully!!), if you are consistant. I had to take that afternoon nap away at first, But once we got the sleep pattern at night he took a shorter nap and was ready for bed after his story. Good luck!!

Does 3yo DD still take naps? I had to take my son off of naps b/c he was doing the same thing. He just didn't need them anymore. He now goes to bed at 8pm and is asleep w/i 15-20 min. I also had to start spanking him *every time* he got out of bed because it had become an obedience issue. I didn't do this in the middle of the night, but I did if it was around "bed time," and it seemed to help with the m-o-t-n problems. It was not a hard spanking (never needs to be anyway for anything) just a consistant 100% of the time consequence so he knew that I meant business. If you don't feel comfortable w/ spankings, then think of something that will be a "negative" to her. Do it with a smile and a sweet voice, and she will react to it properly.

HTH

Does she take a nap during the day? I'm in a similar situation. My 3 1/2 yr old stopped taking nap at 2 and doesn't go to sleep until after 10pm most nights (sometimes it's closer to midnight). She wakes up around 3am for potty and stays awake. Sometimes she falls asleep around 7am (when the rest of us are up) doesn't go back to sleep until the evening. If you find anything that works, please let me know. I've tried following a gazillion bits of advice from people who have found "tried and true" methods that have failed for me, ranging from letting her cry it out to taking all her things out of her room for 3 weeks. Both she and my son have taken to climbing in bed with us in the middle of the night, never at the same time. By time I almost fall asleep with one, the other comes in. Last week, my husband suggested that we take turns sleeping in the guest room after they fall back to sleep on rougher nights so at least one of us can get some sleep. It's not the best solution, but at least we're not walking zombies anymore. Of course, we also have a 2 yr old son and a 1 yr old son so we can count on our hands the number of times we've slept through the night since our daughter was born...and the baby is the one who DOES sleep all night!

Is your 16 mo old in a big bed or still in the crib? I ask because I think you and dh should sit down together with your 3 yo dd and tell her that babies do not go to bed on time and babies wake up in the middle of the night and won't go back to sleep because they don't know any better. You and dh thought she was past that stage but since she has shown that she is not, you will need to put her back in the crib until she can have better night time habits. Then I would show her a chart that you have made in advance. Tell her if she gets so many stars on her 'bedtime and sleep through the night' chart (you and dh determine how many is enough), she can have her big girl bed back.

I would definitely not let her sleep with you or with her sibling because I think you are allowing her to manipulate the family into changing the rest of your sleeping habits to accommodate her. (You don't want your younger child to develop bad habits either.) This may end up encouraging her to manipulate in other areas and once this kind of behavior starts, it's tough to put a stop to it.

As far as her bedtime goes, pick a time that you and dh agree is reasonable, say 8:30. Write down what your routine is going to be and stick to it every single day. Routine at bedtime, like at other times of the day is a key for your child to learn to develop good habits. The night time routine needs to be soothing and relaxing, something your child can look forward to. Baths and story time are great for this time of day. Hope this helps, S.

You didn't mention your daily schedule... get her up at regular times in the morning... maybe it is time to give up naps.... certainly in the afternoon.... she should be getting plenty of exercise and fresh air.... no caffine expecially in soft drinks which I never gave my children... a QUIET nightly routine such as a dinner, bath, and a bedtime story... Good Luck

If she is napping still during the day try cutting it down in length or making it happen sooner in the day. If it is too late in the day it could make her stay up later and cause her to wake up at night. Also, make it a waste of her time to get up at night. Put her clothes and toys where she can't reach them or get to them. And do the same for what ever else she does at night. Another thing, is for you to ignore her when you hear her up at night. Don't even get up to check on her. This isn't the "if I'm up the whole house is up" game. Stay firm and don't give in.

S.

You have a lot of good ideas from the other parents here, so I'll just add a quick thing that worked for us. My daughter was having trouble sleeping at night unless she was in our bed or our lap. I finally tried a mattress pad in her bed to make it more comfortable and now she sleeps through the night. Her bed was so uncomfortable she couldn't sleep...I felt terrible I didn't think of it sooner. So maybe check the comfort of your daughters bed since you said she can sleep fine in your bed.

Good luck! I wish you lots of ZZZZs in your future. ;)

B.

It sounds like your baby has a lack of Melatonin in the body. Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone in the body that regualtes your sleep and your natural time clock. This is very common. More so in older people. I had a friend who's child would Never sleep ( maybe 2-3 hrs a night). She gave him Natural Melatonin and he's back on balance and back to sleep. It is NOT a sleeping pill or anything like that. This is something your body already produces on it's own. Just check it out for yourself if your interested. You can go to a Health food store or Natural pharmacy to get more info. Or check it out online. You do have to be careful as with anything you give a toddler. So make sure you get medical advice first. Our family sees a homeopathic doctor that is great. I know some if your interested.
The natural form is better for you. Synthetics are chemical based and not good for your baby.
I hope this helps.

My husband worked hard too so I could be an at home mom and I would never trade the experience for anything in the world. I would never recommend having the child sleep with you because once they get used to it it's hard to break them of it. One way is to tell her that if she doesn't stay in bed you will take away her favorite doll or stuffed animal and do what you say!! I know this may sound harsh but a small child will listen to you if they know that you mean what you say and you'll take it away until they obey. We never had problems with our 3 girls because we started early on letting them know the consequences of their actions. Children need to understand that parents set the rules to follow; not that children manipulate the parents to get what they want. Our children at that age were in bed around 730-8pm and that never changed until they were in middle school. They need the sleep and you and your husband need the time together. The bottom line...find what they love the most and use that as the consequence for their behavior. Whether it's taking away a stuffed animal, a favorite tv show, etc. Hope it helps.

Do you rock you daughter to sleep? That works great for my Children.

i am sure you have done this, but obvious things.... how much junk food does she consume? Her diet can drastically effect her sleep. How much exercise is she getting? and i think the most important thing to remember is that sleep is conducive to sleep. I find that when my 3 year old does not nap at least an hour during the day, it is harder to get her to go to sleep. It is as if she gets so wound up it is hard to get her to settle down.
as far as getting up in the middle of the night.... if she gets up let her pee, but put her right back into the bed. If she gets up , put her right back, don't say a word to her, put her straight back to bed. reward her inthe morning on those days that she does stay in bed. Like a cookie for breakfast. Positive rewards, first. if that doesn't work then resort to maybe taking away her toys.

best of luck to you,
D.

My 3 year old can't and doesn't take a nap during the day because if she does she'll stay up until midnight before she's tired. For some reason she has been like this since she was about 2 1/2; no nap needed and she does great! The first couple days were hard only because she was use to napping and then staying up late to sleep later but we switch her to no nap and bed between 8-8:30. Some children don't require a nap during the day and if they do they won't sleep well at night. Good luck!

I am a former elementary school counselor. I highly recommend that you do not let her sleep in your bed. It only takes like 2 or 3 nights to make a habit and it takes a good 7-10 days to break it. Plus, we all have internal time clocks. It looks like 9:30 is the time set for her to go to sleep which really is not all that bad. I would talk to your pediatrician about this. We had a stage when my daughter was having difficulty sleeping and the doctor told me to give her benadryl to help make her drowsy. What sounds like needs to happen now is to break the "habit" of getting up and doing the middle of the night routine. However, your doctor should probably determine if there is something going on medically that could be causing her to not sleep or is it truly habit. I would be curious as to what you end up finding out. Hang in there. K.

I agree with Gayle. Mine go to sleep between 7:30 and 8:00 and did at that age too. Be firm with her that nighttime is not for playing or changing clothes and that she needs to stay in bed. Another option to taking away something she loves is to offer a reward... something like giving a sticker for each night in bed and then a reward for a weeks worth of stickers. If you hear her up at night I'd go in and gently, firmly, stick her back in the bed and make it clear that it's not playtime. Hopefully she'll get the idea soon. Also, you mentioned a bedtime routine, but I wasn't clear on how she falls asleep... are you in the room with her, etc.. because it's important that they fall asleep on their own or they wont' know how to get back to sleep in the night. My kids are in bed by about 7:45 and other times they are still awake an hour or more later, but still in bed, which is fine with me... Good luck.

Hi J.~
I know what you're going through. Our oldest son went through the same thing. He was NEVER much of a sleeper which made life difficult for me but he eventually out grew it. He was almost 6 before he started sleeping through the night. I think school helped a lot with extra activity. My suggestions would be this... If your little one is taking naps during the day I would suggest stopping those to see if it helps any and as crazy as it may sound if your little one DOESN'T take naps then maybe you can try coaxing a nap during the day. Sometimes kids get overly tired and don't sleep well from being too tired.

Best of luck to you,
C.

Hi J.,

I was just looking up some medical questions that I had and found a site by a Dr. that had some info on your topic. Check it out. www.askdrwarren.com

J.,

Take away her incentive to stay up. Make sure there are no toys for her to play with when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Block access to the clothing so she can not play dress-up/change clothes. After about a week or so, she will probably realize, it's not much fun staying up to do much of nothing. You need to be really proactive when having two girls so close in age. I have two daughters that are almost exactly 2 years apart - you really need to think ahead. They have the brainpower and the stamina to outlast us when we outplay them!! Yes, it's a game of Survivor sometimes! :) Good luck!

L.

Wow that sounds difficult. I do not have a 3 year old, so please take this advice with my "ignorance" in mind. (my son is 6 months - I am a new mom - so probably not the best source)

The is a newish Dr. Feber book called "Solving your child's sleep problems" and also Dr. Weisbluth's "healthy sleep habits: happy child". These books have been great for my friends (who have toddlers) and have been helpful for me

best of luck - i truly wish you some sleep

K. - 35, Atlanta

Does she still take a nap during the day? Maybe try cutting that down or out completely.

Hi there J..My name is B. Sweet from Talking Rock Georgia nice to meet you and will try and help you out on this matter with your 3 year old.Does she take naps in the day time?If she does >>don't let her sleep in the day time at all keep her busy let her color and draw and let her help you with the baby in the day time.Do what ever it takes to keep her a wake in day time hours.Since your husband works you stay up at night with her untill 10pm or 11pm don't put her to bed at 9.30 make her stay up longer.My son did me the same way at that age I,had to keep him up later than 9 pm.Before u put her to bed give her a long warm bath and she will sleep like a baby all night long.My son did.Hope it works for you.Good Luck your friend B.

To be quite honest... You might need to put gates on her bedroom and only allow her to go potty before bed. Do not give her any attention during the night. This may take a couple of rough nights. However, by letting her get up and do all this at night you are just reinforcing the getting up routine in the middle of the night. Like they say with infants you need to make sure they are safe and make the trips in the middle of the night short and to the point. We have a video monitor so that we don't even have to go in there unless there is a problem. My daughter is now a good sleeper. It took about two nights of this painful heartache to get her to understand that night time is for sleep not play. Good luck!!!

Is she napping during the day? If so, wean that down as much as possible until her night schedule improves. Then, as long as she is safe during the night and not waking up others, don't worry if she gets up. She'll outgrow it. Don't let her sleep in bed with you; that just starts another whole set of problems. If she is not sleeping much at night and also not napping during the day, call your pediatrician.