My Almost 3 Year Old Is Having a Major Potty Problem

Updated on January 31, 2011
J.D. asks from Anna, TX
14 answers

Hi,
I am hoping to get some advice or words of wisdom from fellow moms as I am at a total loss. My daughter will be 3 in April and has been potty training with myself and daycare for about 4 months. She still has the occasional "wet" accident which is understandable. The problem is with her bowls. She goes a little in her panties sometimes up to 3 or more times a day (paste like). I know that she needs to go because I see her tensing and squeezing her "cheeks" together like she is afraid to go. She has suffered from constipation for quite a while, so I am not sure if it is fear that it will hurt because she has screamed in pain before numerous times in the past when she does have a real movement. I have tried half a dose of Miralax daily but after a few doses it seems to be the opposite effect... too much. We have seen an allergist to rule out dairy leading to constipation, but he said that there is no way. Pretty please help! Sorry if I was too graphic.
I guess I need to add that as far as diet is concerned I don't have any control of what she eats or drinks at daycare Mon-Fri. It seems as though they provide veggies, but no fruit. They also seem to serve a lot of carbohydrate rich snacks,,,, pretzels, crackers, cereals,etc. While she is at home with me on the weekends and at night, she drinks mostly water with occasional 100% apple juice. She does like prune juice as well. I feed her veggies and fruit with every meal.

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter has a problem with constipation also which affects her bladder. I tried Miralax but it just made her poop on herself. So I tried different things until I found what was right for her. We us Pedia-Lax Fiber gummies. I gave her 3 at a time and that was too much so now I give her one per day and it works great. Plus she loves the gummies.

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S.L.

answers from Philadelphia on

My son is as regular as a clock, so I don't have experience with this, but I have a friend who's son would go for days without going so I can tell you what she tried. You don't say much about her diet, but lots of water and lots of fiber are usually the key to regularity and soft stools. Lots of fruits and veggies, whole grains, beans, etc. Flax seed and prunes will help a little bit as well. Try grinding your own flax seeds and then including a tablespoon or so into a smoothy in the morning for her. My friend's son loved prunes, so she would put two in his lunch each day and that helped too.

It also helps some people to have a regular time to go as strange as that sounds and typically in the morning is best. Have her sit on the potty in the morning and read a few books, encouraging her to go. Having a couple of books that are only for the potty can also help. Once you get her to go a few times while you are reading them it becomes like a conditioned response. After a few pages of reading they just go without thinking about it. Good luck!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Look into encopresis & talk to her doc about that.
Also for constipation, ditch the apple juice and white grape or pear always did the trick for my son.

S.L.

answers from New York on

my son had similar problems and our pediatrician sent us to a pediatric Gi specialist, he said its pretty common, kids have some painful b.movements and then they dont want to go and hold it and she could cause some serious physical problems. after he was checked by the dr he started taking metamucil clear and natural daily in addition to his high fiber diet

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L.M.

answers from New York on

There's an extremely good chance that she's afraid to go because it will hurt. My daughter suffered from severe constipation for a few years.

As far as Miralax goes, it's made to be used everyday and isn't a type of "as needed" medication. After taking Miralax for a few days is there too much poop, or are you experiencing diareaha? If it's too much poop,or it's just that the poop is very soft this means the medication is working.

Allergic reactions to dairy almost always cause diareaha, not constipation. There's a good chance that this is diatary related, but not allergy related. Is there enough fiber in her diet? Does she drink lots of water?

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

The paste accidents are a result of constipation. My son likes pears so we will give him those cups of canned pears that are in the fruit aisle. Also we found that he loves plum juice (they sell it will extra fiber too). A couple of glasses of that a day and he was going well.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

You may need to work with her on the fear of pain. There's a great book you can read with her called "It Hurts When I Poop." When she understands the nature of the problem and knows she's not alone, it might really help her stop fighting it. http://www.amazon.com/Hurts-When-Poop-Children-Scared/dp/...

My 5yo grandson also deals with occasional consitpation. He uses breathing (as his mom learned for childbirth) that really helps take his mind off of a difficult poop. And plenty of hydration every day, and fruit.

Please talk to your daughter's pediatrician about other options. How did you settle on half a (children's) dose of Miralax. Perhaps a whole dose would be better until pain is not such an issue.

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B.D.

answers from Dallas on

May I suggest you see a gastro doc for children? My son was 5 when he still had this issue. What the doc said was at one point my son had a really painful bowel movement and it scarred him. So therefore, instead of going, they hold it in, which causes a backup in there. Then they have a really large mass, the bowels enlarge and they have leakage...and don't even realize they are going.

Our gastro guy had us do a full cleanout - that included miralax, an enema and that stuff you take for a colonoscopy (magnesium citrate?) and that had my son going better. We still have to give him almost a capful of miralax a day and watch his potty habits to make sure his poops aren't hard. The gastro guy will explain it all.

We were hoping our son would grow out of this. We are unfortunately still dealing with it at age 7 but waited until 5 until someone finally recommended we see a gastro doc for children.

We did have him a little too regular at first but we got the miralax dose finally figured out and it's doing him well.

I saw a suggestion below for fiber gummies. They are made by pedilax I believe and they are wonderful. We get ours at Target. Everyone has one a day - adults included and they help a lot. My son takes the fiber gummy and miralax still.

Good luck. I completely understand your frustration.

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F.W.

answers from Cumberland on

She may be afraid to go at daycare because of all the kids there. Some kids (and adults) don't like doing #2's in public places. So the tip to encourage pooping at a regular time each day would help. My DD. generally goes mid-morning like clock work. Any relaxation techniques could help too. For awhile when my DD was learning to poop in the potty I would have to rub her foot while she went to relax her! Things we do for our children.. Good luck--oh and at home at least try to stick to fiber rich carbs instead of white flour based ones--whole wheat is the key since sometimes "whole grain" doesn't have significantly more fiber than not whole grain products.

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J.D.

answers from Dallas on

When my daughter was going through this, I would take her fav stuffed animal to the potty with her and have her hug it tight. I would tell her the animal would help her go. We also take a daily fiber supplement in the form of fiber gummies, Pedilax. She loves them and just knows they help her go poop. I hope this helps!

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L.B.

answers from Dallas on

She's holding her poo; a typical reaction at this age. My daughter did it for a year. It was a horrible, messy time. A tsp a day of Miralax was the only thing that broke the fear cycle. It was enough to make it so that my daughter could no longer hold her poo, but didn't cause major runs or anything.

Good luck! It can be a hard cycle to break.

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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

We had the exact same situation with my 2 1/2 yro daughter. I bought fiber her fiber gummies fro Whole Foods (they also have them at target) and gave her several doses a day until things really got going and she wasnt afraid of it hurting anymore. Now I just give her one dose a day and she poops by herself without complaint. She's now 3 and its smooth sailing;-) Hope this helps!

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

I don't have great ideas, but I can commisserate. My daughter used to hold in her poo, then when she would finally go it was hard and hurt, so it was a vicious cycle. She's 10 now and we are past this. I know we tried giving her mineral oil daily to MAKE her have to go (it was supposed to lube the insides so she couldn't hold it in even if she tried) to try to get her past being scared, but if your daughter's is pasty, then it seems like hers is loose enough to go...

G.T.

answers from Modesto on

have her eat a pear after dinner. It has tons of fiber and will help regulate her. If she eats a high fiber diet with lots of water throughout the day she wont be able to hold it in. It shouldnt be hard if she gets enough fluids. Raisins are usually a good little high fiber snack as well. Maybe put some in her oatmeal in the morning. I was a holder when I was a little girl too, for YEARS. I think you do get kind of scared after passing a large, sharp stool once and it makes you afraid.

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