My Almost 17 Month Old Has Started Hitting!

Updated on March 11, 2007
H.Q. asks from Bolingbrook, IL
6 answers

I'm at a total loss! My daughter would hit in frustration when she was about 9 months old, but it was a very quick phase and we thought we conquered it! Well, in the last week, she has managed to hit multiple children (music class, storytime, etc). She seems to do it when they invade her "personal space". Today, she hit the same little girl twice in a row, I removed her from the situation, and gave her a time out. She then proceeded to hit my friend (while her son was in her lap). She has 3 of her K9 teeth coming in... could it be the pain that is causing her to act out? I don't know how to break this behavior fast! I'm afraid spanking will only encourage her to hit, and timeouts have not been extremely successful! HELP?!?

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D.Q.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with Janet J.
She is probably acting out becasue she does not know an alternative way to react. Teach her this other way of dealing with this.

I did this with my duaghter and always encouraged her to use her words when she got frustrated. With this strategy, I beleive I have "headed off" many possible opportunities for a tantrum or hitting or whatever.

I also find that talking to her like an adult does the trick. Let her know that hitting is really bad and it makes mommy sad when he does this. Reinforce this for a few days after the incident so that your child knows it is a big deal. Don't make her feel bad about it, but acknowledge it and ask her what happened when she hit. She got a time out and that was not much fun. Talk! Talk! and Talk about it! That is my advice. Also, be sure to show her the alternative way to deal with it! That is a very impt point!

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S.P.

answers from Chicago on

Hi H. -- saw same in my son Roland. He had speech delay and then we saw unprovoked aggression. Social outings and playtimes became failures ALL THE TIME. We thought behavioral issues due to frustration from limited verbal abilities. Roland was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder thru Illinois' early intervention program who was giving us speech therapy services. DuPage Child & Family Connections is our early intervention company out of Lombard. They have been a god send. Thru Occupational and Behavior Therapy -- more successes. Roland turns 3 this Saturday and will begin special ed preschool on Monday thru our school district. SPD is something most kids grow out of by 5, depending on the severity but if there is no early intervention, these kids feel out of sync all the time and eventually their self esteem plummates and then additional behavioral issues occur.
GOOD LUCK!
S.

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M.B.

answers from Chicago on

i would just keep correcting her.. my little boy went through a hitting stage when he turned 2... he has grown out of the stage now.. but i just kept reminding him that hitting hurt and he wouldnt like it if somone would hit him.. after awhile and much correction he seemed to stop.. just hang in there and keep correcting her, this too shall pass:-)

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C.

answers from Chicago on

It's a completely normal developmental stage. All kids go through something like this weather it's hitting, pushing, biting, or what not. Just keep correcting her. If she hits, you could do something like hold her hand and have her look at you and say firmly something like we don't hit, we use nice touches, and then hand over hand demonstrate nice gentle touches. Or tell her hitting makes you sad...you like it when she's nice to her friends just like she likes it when her friends are nice to her (that's really effective for our almost 3 year old right now who is eager to "make us happy"). Or you could keep it simple and hold her hand and say no hitting, do nice touches and demonstrate nice touches.
Just a couple of ideas. Just keep correcting her...the stage will pass. She's just learning how to socially interact with others...experimenting along the way and learning of her own strength.

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S.W.

answers from Chicago on

Hello, all i can say is that its pretty much normal. I worked in a daycare facility for 5 years (and have a 7 yr old) and hitting, biting, pinching etc. all seem to be normal. All you can do is tell the child no and explain to him or her that it hurts. I think that spanking a child for hitting someone would kind of confuse the child. All parents are different and you have to do what works for you.

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J.J.

answers from Chicago on

Spanking can go either way. Sometimes it is necessary to teach them that it hurts and the other person does not like it but if you can't get that point across it could cause her to keep the opinion that it is a way to keep people away from her. The time outs are probably not working because she prefers people not to be so close to her. It may be enjoyable to her in other words because it has accomplished what she wanted it to which is keeping others at a distance.

You have to teach her another way to get her point across in other words. If she is capable of speech you can teach her to say no and push hands away from her calmly. If you do this with her several times at home when others are not around she may get it. It is ok for a child to not want to be touched or hugged by others if that makes her uncomfortable but she needs to be taught a more appropriate way to keep people at a distance from her with out completely allionating them entirely. If her speech is advanced past simply saying no then you can also teach her to put her hands up in front of her and say please don't touch me nicely. You've also got to let her know that if it does not work hitting is not acceptable but she can tell an adult so they can take care of the situation.

Sometimes all we need to do is teach them an alternative way to take care of the problem they are facing because their little minds don't know how to work out a solution and the result is normally hitting or biting. I am lucky that I have not had to deal with that with my son but I made sure hitting was not allowed with the kids that I watched and he picked up on how to act from the older children. Good luck!!

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