Hi everyone, I need some advice. My 9 1/2 yr old was slapped across the face this morning (hard)-I heard it as I was turning to walk away from the gate.She was stunned but didnt do anything. The girl that slapped her is shorter and then said how dare you-and handed her an invite. I had a couple "choice" words with her and then made my daughter go tell the teacher to come and talk to me. I informed her what had just happened, and then went to the office-principal not there yet, so I talked to the secretary and said I wanted something done about it. Well, I still have not received a call.
It is upsetting to me that someone would haul off and slap someone in the face-no reason! The other kids gasped and then started laughing. My daughter is very tall and very laid back. I feel that this 1 incident will label her. What should I expect to be done about this.
T Y
Thank you to all who responded. I did talk to my daughter about this when she got home. The principal talked to both of them. I was called around 6. The girl who slapped her said it was a joke and she was just messing around. She did get consequences. At the time the principal wouldnt tell me because she wasnt my child. However-her Grandmom approached me at the school fair tonight and said she was sorry for it and also said she has detention on Monday and also a letter from the school. She did apologize to my daughter but my daughter didnt understand her because at the time the girl was creying in the office.I did stress the importance of defending and also the bully will move on to someone who will take it daily. She knows how to defend herself. She is in karate and has been able to take down the teacher, I just worry about her.
Take care and thank you
Definitely keep following up with the principal and the girls school counselor as well. That makes no sense, why would she slap her, then hand her an invitation? Something else must have been going on maybe.
Dear K. R.
My sister is 16 she had been bullied throughout the whole year, my parents didnt really do anything about it, they said it is a school issue, to be handled by the school and that she (my sister) should handle her alone. One day, I was waiting for my sister to surprise her during her birthday, and I saw, how this girl (18) really 18!!!! knocked her into the grass, kicked her while she was down, spat on her, and broke a CD someone had given her for a b-day present, I didnt see a reason for it, I immediately went down there, and turned her around and slapped the girl so hard I left my hand marked there I took her by surprise, Immediately took a ribbon from my sister's her and tied her hands behind her back, and called 911, when the school security and the police got there, I got the bully a suspension, and a restraining order, she cannot come anywhere close to my sister, of course they wanted to ban me of campus, because even though I dont regret it, it was very wrong of me to slap the girl, but I was really pissed. They didnt because it had to come to this for them to do something.
My point is if they are not going to do anything about them is on them, but I am not going to stand around and let my daughter (in this case sister) be mistreated like that. Neither should you.
I have to disagree about one comment that was made previously - this IS a school issue. Yes, it is a parent issue as well...but it happened at school which makes it a school issue. Every school should have a bullying and/or fighting policy, and the girl needs to be held accountable for her actions. Not only for her to learn her lesson, but for your daughter and all of the other kids that witnessed it. They all need to know that there are consequences for something like that.
I had I simlor thing happen to my daughter at the same age. But this was all writen in a letter that SHOCKED everyone. I and another mom went to the school and camped out until we talked to the: Super,Principal,Councler,Vice and the president of the school board. We DEMANDED to meet with everyone at the same time.,or the police were going to be involved. But this thing was REALLY BAD (Like threatting go to body harm to our children Fowl language). At first the office ladies said,"OH well girls will be girls and they are probalby fighting over a boy!" Well let me tell you there were words said to them, Not by me but the other mom. I didn't have too say anything she said it all for me!!
Well I would get as many people involed as you can and Have the childrens parents contacted on the matter.
Now she gradurated from 8th grade today and there hasn't been any problems since that day!!
I'm confused about the "how dare you" and "handed her an invite" thing and you being right there when she did it, so I'm wondering if it was a horrid little game while handing an invite? What?
Regardless-whatever the reason, good work demanding the school do something. Don't let them off the hook. Persist. They do need to enforce discipline with this girl for doing this. You should also meet with your daughter's teacher if they are in the same class or suggest all classes have a talk from teachers to kids about bullying and slapping and what will happen if anyone does it. Let the teacher spell out to the girl's class why the girl was disciplined for slapping "someone". No need to name your daughter. Kids laugh nervously, but they don't want to be victims either and will be glad for the enforcement. They need to be taught to not laugh and to side with the victim and say something to the attacker.
MOST OF ALL I would bee-line to the girls mom and handle her in no uncertain terms. With a calm logical approach I would let her know her daughter slapped mine and ask her what she intends to do about it in addition to what I was insuring the school did, no room for denial. I would then make it clear I was watching her kid for any more false moves. What kind of parent has a kid who would do this? Do NOT let the parents intimidate you. This will be a lesson to your daughter in strength.
It's too late now, but for future, you should encourage you daughter to defend herself with harsh words (or heck, I'd let my daughter hit her back to be honest). I know turning the other cheek etc is what lots of people teach and two wrongs don't make a right blah blah, but new studies show that overwhelmingly it's the kids who don't fight back who get the most bullying. Bullies are cowards and they target the weak. Not reacting the first time breeds future attacks. Kids will naturally side with the bully for seeming "strong". The class needs to have a "side with the victim" lecture as well to teach kids what to do when this happens.
As for your daughter being labeled, this is why you need to make sure the girl is singled out in front of peers and disciplined for the action so she is "labeled" not your daughter. Have the teacher specify to all the kids at the lecture that they are wrong to make fun of a victim in any instance in life rather than a predator, and they are guilty as well if they laugh. At 9 1/2, they are not hardened criminals, they will understand. If this girl is allowed to get away with her little prank, your daughter may end up labeled until the bully's sights turn elsewhere.
If my daughter saw this happen to someone, and then laughed with her group because she didn't know what to do, I would want to hear about it so I could teach her the right way to NOT LAUGH and to side with the person who was assaulted. See if you can get the names of some of the kids who laughed and have a nice talk with their parents too.
Last but not least, your daughter will be feeling bad about herself, so repeat infinite times to her, that the person who did the wrong action looks bad and should feel bad, not her. Let her know bad things happen to people all the time, and since she's strong, she'll bounce back, and no one holds it against her. Her friends only laughed out of nervousness and fear and they were glad it wasn't them this time. Good luck, I hope she's OK!
Hi K.,
Keep calling them until they get back to you. If not, come back, and wait right there at the principal office until she/he is "available". It happens at school anyway, and there were students,so you should be expecting and answer from them. Invitation?: no way.
Talk to your daughter and let her know nicely but firmly the way you expect her to respond to this kind of situations.
I definitely would make sure that some action is taken at the school but more than that in the big scheme of things I would be worried about my daugher.
Talk to your daughter how this was not her fault and how to react if someone brings it up since kids can be mean about stuff like this. I think it would help other moms like me too if some moms could mention what exactly you would say to your daughter.
wow. the school did not see the incident. you did. hence ask for the kid's parents' info and contact them directly and address this.
kudos to you for not turning around and grabbing that kid's hair. she would have gotten bold within matters of seconds if that had been my child being slapped.
Hi, K.:
What did your daughter say about this incident.
I would sit down and have a chat with her and
see how she would like to handle this situation.
Just wanted to know.
D.
So, you didn't exactly see the incident and you didn't get the whole story from both of the girls before you went storming into the principal's office; it was probably in your best interest that the principal was out. I would have questioned each girl first and then any other kids around to see what happened to get the full picture before I made any hasty judgments and went to the principal's office. Yes, if the girl slapped your daughter she should be spoken to but if you had the whole story before getting the teacher, secretary, and principal involved maybe you could have handled the situation differently and saved the girl some added embarrassment from her wrong doing. Just think of what this girl with tell the other classmates about your daughter and how you got the teacher, principal and secretary involved and see how much harder it will be for your daughter to face her classmates now. It is usually a wise idea to remain calm and get the whole story before making any assumptions and judgments.
V.
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Don't expect to hear back. They can't tell you what disciplinary action if any is taken.
Honestly- this is something that you should address directly with the child's mother. It may have happened as they were walking in to school, but this isn't really a "school issue", it's a parent issue. I would call the school this afternoon and ask that the other parent be notified of the incident and then contact the parent directly.
Talk with your daughter about how to appropriately stand up for herself and what to do if the others make fun of her for the situation- who to go to, etc.
