My 7Th Grader Is Sliding by in Math and Doesn't Want Extra Help

I wouldn't worry over it too much. You've already offered to help...you say he is a very bright kid...he knows that his teacher offers help...so when he is ready for help, if he wants it, he knows where to go. I would just let it go and let him come to terms with it on his own.

We too have had this issue and the cure is very simple. Put the ball back in his court! If you know that he's capable of doing the work, but just refuses or is acting lazy, then tell him that you'll have to go with him to school to see if there is something that you can help him with. Its amazing how much better he will do when the thought of Mom going to class with him hits him. Out oldest son had this problem and when I told him that I could go to class with him to help him through it....magically he began doing what was expected! Now dont threaten if you dont plan on going through with it. A friend of mine tried this approach as well and it worked for her son too!
Good luck!
D.
Mother of 5!

It's so hard to get kids to understand that if they can do better they should and that they are building the foundation now for their future. I remember my parents telling me how they knew I could do better and of course like many kids I ignored them. This might be an age old problem that many generations have had to deal with. My sister has 4 boys and 2 girls they are most grown and only 3 left in high school. She has told me the way she has dealt with this kind of thing since mine are just in elem and prek, she tells me that she makes a schedule with the child needing extra help they go and get the free extra help they show the work then and only then do they get rewards like movies, playing video games, going out to play with friends. She has had to have her kids earn tv time as well...yeah, I thought wow kinda mean she has told me over the years she doesn't do any of it in a mean manner she says to them...you show the work you earn an hour of tv, you go to get help you earn another hour of say video games....and so on, you don't do it or go get help then no extra stuff. I myself have had to do the same just recently with my 8 yr old...you do your homework you ear tv time, the show is picked out in advance and he gets to watch it...it's helped as far as going out and stuff like that well, he doesn't really go anywhere. Maybe this idea will help maybe not, I wish you the best it's very hard as a parent to see a child not do what we know they can do and we all want the best for them, they only realize it once they get older themselves.

I have taught middle school math/science for many years. I have heard this story with almost every low grade conference. One of the aspects of this age, as you well know, is the changing hormones. Kids want to act more grown up, but, don't know how. They don't understand why they have to work on a subject when the answer is obvious. Seventh grade was the hardest for kids, teachers, and parents (including my own kids). Teachers tell them that they can't help the student if they can't see in the student's mind. Work must be on paper.

Time to crack down on him. You're the parent. Set the rules.

Tell him that you will be looking at his math work everyday until his report card. No work on the problems, he has to sit down right now and do it even if the answer is obvious.

Watch him put the homework in the math folder.

Kitchen table is a good place for him to do homework. That way, you can watch. Bedrooms sometimes have too many distractions - computer games, tv, radio, phone...

Have the teacher sign off on the agenda when he turns it in properly (not just answers on the sheet). You sign agenda also.

(I have told my kids on not so fun situations that I would be sitting right beside them in class, taking time off of my job without pay, to make sure that they are being responsible and respectful. They seemed to straighten up without me having to come to school.)

Each day he does what he is told to do (without a confrontation), reward him with his favorite thing - playing the computer for 15-30 minutes, going to play football with his friends...

Your son is starting some bad habits, and all because he's too smart for his own good. Right now, he's not showing his work. Soon he won't even be writing the answers down. I'm serious. If the answers are so obvious to him, why bother writing them down?

I think your son is old enough to understand that showing the work is what the teacher requires. I also think that once he starts showing his work, he'll be able to address his own weaknesses in math. Think about it- math is all logic and application of concepts. He sees a problem, knows the answer, writes it down. Except the answer is wrong. Why? He doesn't know why it's wrong, because he's not exactly sure how he got the answer in the first place- it happened so quickly in his head that he couldn't really slow down and think it through. Showing his work will force him to slow down and think it through. It's very tedious to someone who finds math obvious, but it will help him. Maybe you can strike a deal - he doesn't have to go to study group if he starts showing his work. Make it contingent on an improved performance, though.

There is another alternative to him going in early to see his teacher. He could hire a tutor. It is sometimes embarrassing for a teenager (and he is about that age) to be seen in any kind of "weak" situation. This may be his fear. Or he may just not like the teacher or that teacher's style of teaching. These are things to look into. I found myself in that same situation in high school. I felt that I knew the material when I looked at it, even though the teacher made it more confusing to me. I found that on tests I was so confused that the information I had gleaned on my own was worthless when combined with listening to to my lessons in class. I hired a tutor with my own allowance (about $10/ hour) and did much better. My dad was not happy with me over this. I was a bright kid (later I was on HOPE all 4 years) and he felt it was a waste of time and money for me to hire someone when I had a teacher. But whether it was the fact that I was spending my own money (which made me want to make sure I got my money's worth) or the different teaching style, it worked for me. But I urge you to listen to your son. Not just to his words, but to his actions and motivations. He may be quite intelligent- and this may be his downfall. Its not that he is lazy, but those of us who never have crack a book, never learn to. And he may always struggle to be an average student in math. We forget that C means average in this world. There is so much emphasis on being above average that average isn't good enough. I wish you the best in this. Good luck.

I think you are describing my son!! My eldest is the same age and acts the same way....always has. We are here, far from our homes out west, because my husband works at Furman--so the kids can go to college for free! I have found that I have to jump on the first sign of trouble with my son. At twelve however, he disbelieves help from me and suggestions. MAKE him go in for help. Take away the ipod or the football practice or heaven help you the television until he brings the grade up. Wake him up and take him in for help early. It could also be the way the teacher is explaining things, find a tutor for him ASAP. Older teens, and adult teachers who need extra money are always available.
I feel better and not alone with the daily battle that is our pre-teenager!
Chris

This is a little off the normal base, but I got by with C's in math all through school, never understanding the importance of learning advanced math. I have a high IQ and I was capable of acing every test, had I put my mind to it. Well, of course I found out later the importance of math, but too late! I always wished someone had sat me down and told me how math related in a practical manner to every single job I would ever hold in my life. I never could connect the dots by myself and needed some direction, and I'm thinking people who are not attracted to math are the same as I was, just needing good direction. So on top of the other good advice you are getting here now, please do make sure that he is shown how math and science, too, are integrated into our everyday lives. I wish teachers did more of this themselves, teaching relevancy to real life of the subjects they teach. If every teen could be helped to understand the relevancy of their education to their entire future, they would work harder on their own to learn it now.

It's all in how you handle him as to whether he will meet your expectations of him or not. He needs to feel good about himself whether he gets A's, B's or C's. Of course you want to encourage him to do better if he has it to give. Some kids just don't get math and that's not a sin, but the right teacher or tutor may make all the difference due to their style of teaching or whatever and if they are patient.
No child wants to feel like a failure, but needs loving encouragement. He definitely needs to be more responsible when it comes to following directions and showing his work since that's what's required.
If I was you, I would put myself in his shoes and just see what reasons or scenarios I could come up with for not complying with the teachers request. I bet you will find your answer and it won't be what you thought.
Good luck!

Hi C.,

I have a 6th grader who has always been an AB student, but last year she struggled terribly in math. I found out that most (elementary) schools have a list of teachers who tutor privately. It is a little know fact, but may be worth looking into it for middle schooler. I'm not sure about which county you live in, but the Gwinnett County Public Library offers homework help online. There's a link at the top of the website www.gwinnettpl.org. Whenever my daughter was stuck on a problem, I could type in her question and they person on the other end would respond and show her how to work through the problem.

Hope this helps :)

T.

Hello.

I home school my 8 year old son due to severe medical issues and I ran into the same thing. Low grade point average, failure to show work, assurances that he understood the work. I thought he needed extra help with the subject as well, perhaps a tutor. I couldn't have been more wrong. My husband noticed that his answers were always right. My son is technically in the third grade doing sixth grade work in math.

I'm curious. Are you certain that he's actually struggling? Could he possibly be bored with the work? In all schools homework consists of 90% of the final grade, tests account for very little. He could ace his home work and fail the tests and hold a B average. The fact he isn't showing his work on his homework is dragging down the grade.

Take the time to look at his work. Are his answers correct? If so, then he does truly understand the work and the problem is lack of a challenge. In a public or private school the teacher must work at a flow that is about average, most will get it in the allowed time for a concept and others will fall behind. Some will also excel and be held back by the rest.

Perhaps your son is gifted with math and is being held back by the rest of the class. You would not see straight A's most gifted children have average or horrible grades. My advice is listen to your son. He says he understands it then believe him. From here you have two roads. Have him assessed by Sylvan or similar institute or go to the book store and buy a math curriculum that is more difficult than what he is learning and teach it to him.

If he grasps the concepts, have him do several pages out of the book showing his work and take it to his math teacher. Some schools have programs for advanced learners. But without proof that he can do the advanced work they will not place him in the program.

Best of Luck to you.

It sounds like the problem is "showing the work". He says he understands the subject matter, and if he's able to do it without "showing" every intermediate step, then he *is* getting it, right?

This sounds EXACTLY like what happened to a friend of mine when she was a girl. Kim's mother taught mathematics at a university, so Kim had a huge advantage over her peers in math, and she was always way ahead of the other kids. Starting in fifth grade, her teacher insisted that she "show her work" - in other words, explicitly write down every intermediate step at the level of detail that the TEACHER decided was appropriate for that age. Well, Kim was able to do some of those steps in her head, and she didn't need to write down everything. Sometimes she didn't even KNOW what steps she was supposed to write out explicitly and which ones she shouldn't because the steps seemed so obvious to her. Over the course of the year, things got worse and worse. She started HATING "school math." She still had no problem doing math stuff with her mom (who thankfully had the expertise and time to do this with her), but that bad math experience soured her FOR YEARS. She got (fairly) low grade in math for years, which drove her mother a little crazy, because she knew how much Kim knew, and there was no correlation.

Kim's mother even went in to talk to the teacher, she tried to explain that Kim already understands a lot of this stuff, she can do a lot of the basic steps in her head, and could the teacher not worry about all the intermediate steps if she's getting to the right answer? She reasoned that if the child is coming up with the wrong answers all the time, it helps to see the steps so the teacher can see where the kid is going wrong, but what's the point if the kid obviously "gets it"? The teacher made some lame argument about "being consistent for each child," how it's more difficult to grade tests when the children's answers look different, and expecting the same "level of work" from each kid. Nevermind that it meant that the brightest kids ended up doing the most unnecessary busywork. Nevermind that kids think differently and sometimes come up with the solution by using their brains in different ways, perhaps being able to visualize solutions in their heads. Nevermind that maybe, just maybe, the kid even has a better method of finding the solution than the teacher! (Gasp!) Nevermind that the brightest kids were most likely to start to hate the work, and how their attitudes about school and teachers and math would change.

Kim's now in her forties and still gets frustrated when she thinks back on it. She was so put off by that experience that she associates with her public school that she's found a progressive independent shool for her own son, (NOT cheap, mind you), because she never wants him to have to go through that. (Not that every public school teacher is that bone-headed, thank goodness! She just had a very bad experience and so has a negative association.)

So, first sit down and talk with your son and figure out if he truly understands the subject matter. (If you have *him* explain it to you, you should be able to get a good idea.) If it's a situation like Kim's, then I think you owe it to your kid to talk to the teacher and get to the bottom of the "show the steps" issue. Be polite and respectful, but... stick up for your kid. You know your kid better than anyone, and your son probably isn't nearly as effective as expressing the issues as you will be (provided you can really understand where your son is coming from.)

Hopefully the teacher can be persuaded to consider what is truly in the best interest of your child, not what is easiest for him/her to grade or... whatever the reasons are for "showing the work."

Regarding the grades, remember that the learning is more important than the grades, and they don't necessarily go hand in hand. If you focus on the grade, then the kids focus on the grade. Instead of getting interested in a new concept, they start to ask "Will this be on the test?" I went to a very competitive high school, and the kids at the top of the class, the ones vying for Merit Scholar and valedictorian, etc, they were obsessed with the grades. They would take the AP classes not because they were really interested in the subject, it was all about the points, the grades, the GPA. They didn't enjoy learning - they just wanted to out-do their peers on the transcript, and many of them didn't nurture any particular passions, which is so important for long-term happiness.
(See Alfie Kohn's article on "How not to get into College" http://www.alfiekohn.org/articles.htm )

Finally (I know I'm going on too long, but I really feel for your kid), I keep seeing articles (in Scientific American, Wondertime (a parenting magazine), the NY Times and an interview on NPR) about research done by Carol Dweck, and the main point is that it is much better to praise your child for how hard he worked or how much effort he put into something, and avoid praising him because he's intelligent. It may sound strange, but a lot of very intelligent kids, especially ones that were bright enough to "coast" through school for years, getting good grades *without* expending much effort, begin to think that they ought to be able to immediately grasp new concepts. That *having* to work to understand something means they aren't so smart, after all. Furthermore, kids who believe they are naturally smart tend to think of intelligence as an "innate ability" and sadly, they tend to give up more easily, they tend to think that if they don't get something immediately that they just aren't good at it. It's the kids who realize that their success hinges on their effort who learn to try harder, so when the subjects get more difficult, they don't throw up their hands and say "I'm just not good at this." They keep plugging away until they understand it, and that by doing so, they make themselves smarter.
http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Raise-a-Smart-Kid
or google for "Carol Dweck"

Your the mom- if you want to take advantage of FREE help- send him to school 2 days a week early to get it!
if it doesnt' go well- try looking into an after school tutor that will come to your house. Sometimes when mykids don't "want" to do something- all it takes is them doing it one time and then they are OK with it- sometimes it's just the fear of doing something new or different that kids are afraid of. Don't give him a choice- your the parent and if he needs help- get it for him!
Good LUck
Nikki

C., I have an 8th grade boy. He has also been in quest classes since 3rd grade. He struggled with this new math last year and I had to have a conference with his teacher.
She told me there was a web sight that would help with the math. This year, when I met his math teacher at open house I asked about a web sight and it is attached to her email address. What a help in both years. I would suggest you talk with the teacher and ask about a possible web sight that would help at home. My son also went for tutoring 2x a week for a while, it helped alot. Don't give up, he went from a low 80 to 95 before long. E.

I am sorry to hear about that. I usually don't have this and it happened to me when I was a child. C's are better than failing. I was told that I could get all A's if I tried. The more my parents pushed, the more I stopped trying. I sailed through with C's and B's until I hit high school where you have a choice of your classes (at my school anyway). You could go the regular route or take a business route. All I am saying is don't expect all A's every time. Give some breathing room. It's ok to talk about grades and trying to improve them but don't try to force all A's. C's are ok too. That's not failing the grade. I know alot of really smart people with great paying jobs that received C's is school. Just take it easy and see if it improves on it's own. Don't be to hard on him. He might be going through something else that is interfering with his concentration also. My daughter is having a little mojo problem herself this year but I am letting her work it out and just encouraging her to try better. If she only gets a C then so be it. At least it's not a zero.