My 6- year old daughter is behaving really bad as of late my fience and I are at a loss of what to do. We live with my soon to be fater-in-law he is a disabled vetern he also sleeps during the day and sometimes she is very good and does not disturb him at all. On other days she is very rambuncious and makes alot of noise, and she is always arguing with me all the time over everything no matter how small. I will put her to bed at 7:30 on a school night and she will have a million excues so that she does not go to sleep for at least 2 hours after i put her down. It is usually something like "i am to hot" "i am to cold" "I am thirsty" " i have to go potty" and" i have a headache" and she usually wont stop. She will scream for no reason and come up with some reason and we have tried to send her to bed earlier and to take things away we dont wanna resort to a worse punishment and i dont wanna put her on any meds if it is not nessacary. My question in all of this is how do i get her to behave better all the time at school they say that she is very good and shows very good manners but as soon as she gets home it is like a flip of a switch she is driving us bonkers and he got so upset about her arguing that he told us to pack and leave how do i just simply get her to listen and behave better?
Sounds like she is crying out for more love. Just start kissing and hugging her more, and see if that helps. When my kiddos get like this, I start loving on them more, and it usually does the trick :D
If she behaves well in school all day then I think her behavior is something that she can contol. Therefore, putting her on medication is something I would not consider and frankly I would be surprised if you found a doc to medicate her for bad behavior exclusively at home.
Google it, but I think 6 year olds need about 9 hours of sleep a night so perhaps her bed time is too early. Since my daughters were 6 I send them up to bed at 9:00 on school nights and let them read to unwind until about 10:00. (my kids seem to need less sleep than the average kid and they are just naturally night owls)
Another thing that made bed time easier particularly wih my oldest, is that I would lay in bed with her and she would just tell me all about her day. it is amazing to me the info I would get from her once we were both relaxed and not distracted by laundry, dishes etc. It has also made us extremely close.
Re: your fiancé - I hope your daughter did not hear him say to pack and leave. That must be so hurtful to a 6 year old. he is marrying both of you. Is it possible your daughter feels she has no control in her life with your marriage and your living arrangementss (are they new) and she is trying to control the one thing she know how...her bedtime. Or maybe she just is not tired at 6:30. best of luck!!
I don't think that 7:30 is WAYYY too early, but you might try moving it back to 8 pm.
You didn't give any background or history regarding your circumstances. How long have you been living with your fiance's dad? How long has your fiance been in your daughter's life? Have you moved households recently?
Also, any child is NOT going to stay quiet all the time during the day. It just isn't reasonable to expect that. Sometimes, sure. But every day for hours? uh-uh.
My spouse works shift work and occasionally has the midnight shift. When our kids were really small (they are 12 and 9 now) they could keep things quiet for a few hours that one day every few weeks.... as long as I kept reminding them, gave them quiet things to do (movies, coloring, read books to them) AND took them outside or out of the house periodically to let them use up some energy and make some noise.
If she is great at school, then she is ready to relax and let it all hang out in her "safe" comfort zone at home when she gets out of school. It doesn't sound like she is getting any time to do that. So she is acting out, AND she isn't using up enough energy to be tired at bedtime.
No offence to anyone, but I think that bedtime is a personal choice, and if it's what your child is used to, then it will suit them fine. I would not like it if people told me what time I should put my child to bed. My five yo step daughter starts bed time at 730 and she wakes up at about 6/7. We go into the bedroom at 730 after she's gone to the toilet etc and then we read a book and sing songs and by then she's either about to fall asleep, or will do soon.
As other Mum's have said, if there has been a big change in her life then she will probably express herself in this way.
I also think it's a bit unfair to have a 6 year old child living in a house where she can't behave like a child if she wants to. I get the impression that she would be told to not be too loud etc for fear or disturbing you fiancee's father. Kids should be allowed to be kids, especially in their own home.
I would understand if you told me that this wasn't your ideal circumnstances and you want to change them, but she probably needs to be somewhere that feels like her home.
I just re-read and found that (I'm assuming) your soon to be FIL told you to leave? Can you guys find your own place? I think that might be better for all of you.
All of that aside, if nothing has changed in the past 6 months and you don't think that she is being interfered with (sorry, but it does happen and we all need to be aware of the possibility), then maybe you need to lay down the law. Does your daughter respect you? She needs to. It sounds a little bit like she knows that you'll indulge her in all of these requests after lights out and she's playing you a little. Try making her go to the toilet right before bed, offering her a drink, then after all of that, no more. You might feel guilty for a night or two, but she'll soon learn that she can't muck around and extend night time.
Sorry for the big rant!! I've just gone through this all before. Good luck! I'm sure things will work out :)
I would say make her bed time 8 or 8:30 on school nights and maybe 9 or 9:30 on weekends - 7:30 seems really early for a 6 year old.
When it is bedtime, ask her if there is anything else she needs before turning off the light. Once the light is off, no more requests. Or give one "pass" that she can use after lights-out and once it's used, that's it.
Have there been in changes in her life lately? You say you are engaged and you are all living together at his father's house. How long has that been going on? Where is her dad in all this? Are there any plans to move out any time soon? I am only asking (not judging) because anytime there is change or any upheaval or stress in a family, that can have an effect on their behavior. If you can, I would be looking for a place of your own since this does not sound like an ideal healthy environment for a child to grow up in. She might be able to "hold it together" while she is at school but feels safe to be less than perfect at home, and she should be able to "let it all hang out" around her family.
Are you saying that your fiance got fed up and told you (both) to pack up and leave? If a man EVER said that to me I would be GONE! That is just totally uncalled for. You are marrying a man who cannot handle a 6 year old girl throwing a few temper tantrums or can't handle a child that doesn't listen all the time? That is just crazy.
Also you are putting your daughter to bed too early in my opinion.
If I put my 6 yo to bed that early he would be WAY worse than your daughter! That is really too early-unless she is waking up at 5:30.
Hi, J.:
Sound like there are some control issues popping up.
It also sounds like that there is listening issues on both sides.
Whenever there are issues between you all, it sounds like there needs to be time to sit down and ask questions of your daughter like:
What happened?
What impact has this incident had on you and others?
What has been the hardest thing for you?
What do you think needs to happen to make things right?
Hope this helps.
D.
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