My 5 Yr Old Step Son Admires Me

Even if the boy wasn't emulating you, why are you calling your new husband "lazy, not very smart and not cool?" Even if the boy wasn't repeating it, you should know better than to call names like that in your family. More than damaging the child's view of his father, you risk damaging his view of families, relationships, and women.

I am sure that there was no irreparable damage done, but you SHOULD absolutely sit down as a family and YOU should explain to the boy that those kind of words have no place in your house; that YOU never should have said that about someone you love so much; and that HE should never use those kind of words about people in or out of your family.

It's time to get really conscious about your words and actions. Although, it's always important to strive to be our best selves, its especially important now that you are a parent.

Good luck.
T.

I am wondering how new are you to this little boy. Did you meet him before you got marred?? How could you not know that this the wrong way to approach things. This is not only hurtful to the son hearing you say things like this but it s not good for a marriage either.

I just read your last post on your MIL you said "if you arent allowed to do it at home,you arent allowed to do it anywhere else(meaning-hitting,smart mouthing,back talk,etc" You need to practice what you preach.

You have not damaged this little boy. But please be careful saying such things in front of the little one. If you have a problem with your husband, take him to a different room and have an adult conversation. NOT ever in front of a child.

If you have never really been around children before then why not take a parenting class? They are so helpful when situations arise. No shame in learning what to do. These classes help you take care, learn, gain knowledge about children. I wish you lots of luck and patience.

Both you and your husband need to be on the same page. Counseling can help you both sooo much.

This site is very helpful.

not the best thing to do, but if you dont do this on the regular then I am sure he will be fine. to kids there rents can do no wrong so he would not really think that unless you repeat what you did. I would just go back and apoligize to both of them saying that you were upset and you lost your cool. what you did was not okay and you did not mean it. you love him very much and he is amazing/good dad ect. and you should have never said those things. sorry plain and simple. then it would be good to take it a step further (since your son is 5 and totally ready for this) you can have them both come up w/ ways to help you 'tame your anger' so to speak (I am not suggesting you are angry or anything I have done this too to my poor husband) I am just saying that if you tell him that when I feel really angry instead of yelling I should count to 10, take a walk, draw a picture, sing my abc's whatever then he will do the same. it is great to practice anger mangment aloud and w/ the kids around. you can tell them gee I am really angry right now I think I need to XYZ and then they in turn will learn how to do the same. plus...it will help keep you in track. you sound really thouhghtful and like you want your family to all get along and have a good realtionship so that is wonderful. we are not perfect and allowed to slip up..just be sure to point that out to your son! xo keep up the nice work momma

You didn't damage anything as long as you correct your attitude and language from now.
Even if some negative comments still come out, always try to balance with way more positive comments. For example, if you say "your dad didn't wash the dishes, what a lazy man!" and realized what you just say, just continue with a "how lucky we are to have him to hang this picture today, maybe he's not lazy after all... and that's why we love him so much, don't we" with a smile. And, in general, always try to make positive comments to help him built a positive view, even if he just walked the dog or put the dishes away. At 5, he mostly need to feel that you are proud of his dad and love him very much.
We all have negative comments from time to time in front of children. The important is too make sure the positive outweigh the negative ones.

D.,

You need to talk with the child and apologize for your "mouth"/behavior. Tell him that it is "wrong" to say bad things about his father and it would be "wrong" for his father to say bad things about you. Apologize to both of the guys in your life and ask them to help you by calling you on your "words", when/if you deserve to be called on.

Blessings.....

Oooo – yes, I'd be a bit rattled, too. How's Daddy doing with this information?

At your step-son's age, you can quickly correct his attitudes and verbal reportage to whatever degree you can correct your own. What an interesting wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee moment. ;-)

I don't mean to be harsh, but as a stepmom myself? YES. You have damaged this child's view of his father, and will continue to do so. You must stop this immature behavior right now, today. Not only is it bad for the child, it is bad for his father and your relationship with him!

Being a stepmom is the hardest job (if you do it right). Harder than being a mom in a lot of ways. You have more responsibility to be nice - because you're not their mom, so you are in a more fragile relationship with those kids. You NEVER come first -- you must allow your husband to put the child first, because he didn't ask to be brought into this situation. And most frustratingly, you really don't get a "say" in much. Of course you can demand certain standards in your own home, but if you think your husband is handling something wrong, tough tubbies. That's his kid, not yours. You can express opinion, but you never get final say.

If any of this is not okay with you, you should NOT be a stepmom and you should NOT date a guy with kids. There are a lot of horrible stepmoms out there, I have been shocked by what I see on some of the step-parenting message boards, and if I can save even one child from being mistreated, that's pretty much my aim.

Again, sorry to be harsh, but verbally abusing your husband -- and that is what you were doing -- is damaging to everyone involved, including you. Please never, ever do this again.

it's not too late to fix this, but if you don't it is more likely he will eventually resent you, and see his father as a victim.

For the sake of role model and creating a healthy marriage I think you know you need to stop with the accusations and name calling. Find a course on marital communications, grab your husband and GO!