My daughter is 5 and I've been having major problems. First, she wont stop peeing in her room. She doesn't have a problem with the bathroom, she uses it all day. But at night or sometimes during the day she just pees on the floor. She also will not stop taking things from the rest of the house- food, papers, pens, laundry soap, anything she sees- and hiding them in her room. Of course she eats the food, but the soap for example, I have no idea what she does. But she won't answer me and I can't find the remnants anywhere. I have tried everything and am at my wits end.
Run, don't walk, to a good therapist. All of these behaviors are cries for help. Don't ignore them. Good luck.
Oh, my gosh, I'm not sure I have great advice, but your letter could have been written by me 18 years ago! My second daughter is bright, caring, talented and funny, but sometimes we're all - my daughter included - amazed that we all lived through her growing up years!
When I would mention to other moms that she peed on the floor (or bed or throw rug or stuffed toys) they'd assume I meant wetting her pants. Nope, she would pull down her pants, squat, pee, then pull them back up again. She and her clothes would be clean and dry. The rest of the house, meanwhile, smelled like a sewer no matter what we did. (Occasionally, she'd pee down the heating vents, figuring that we wouldn't find it because the evidence "disappeared.")
This went on from the time she was 4 until she was 9. We tried everything we could think of. What FINALLY worked is a technique that psychologist and parenting expert John Rosemond calls "kicking the child out of the Garden of Eden." We emptied her room of everything except her bed and her clothes. We explained that since her behavior put all of us and all our belongings at risk, she 1. didn't need to own toys, books, games etc, because she had no respect for property and 2. she could not be trusted to treat our home and those in it properly, so she would have to stay in her room, except for meals and bathroom breaks, all weekend. Saturday was LOOOOONG for all of us; Sunday was mostly taken up by church and a visit to her aunt's house. Still, it worked, because she never did it again. Slowly, we allowed her to earn back the privilege of owning toys etc, one at a time.
From the time she was 2, we knew that if something was missing anywhere in the house, we'd find it under her bed. She had a thing for pens and address books, especially. I once woke up at 2 a.m. to find her, at age 3, taking change from her dad's pants pocket. (Where in the world did she think she'd spend it at 3?) As she got older, she took a lot of food and dishes into her room, only she didn't eat it all - it would go bad in her closet or under her bed. It drove me crazy.
All I can tell you about why, since she herself was never sure and couldn't explain the behavior beyond, "I felt like it," or "I don't know," is that she's a control freak. She's also very defiant and has always gotten a thrill from breaking rules, even if she knows she'll get in trouble.
All the things they tell you to do with a child fixated on control - let them choose their own clothes, give them a say in family activities and menus etc. - don't really make a dent with this kind of kid. They're like a cartoon villian who won't be happy until they're Emperor of the Universe.
We dreaded her teen years, but that's when things really started to get BETTER. After hearing things 6,897,462 times, it finally started to sink in. Plus, taking child development classes helped her understand the job of parenting. (She truly never understood before why WE got to make decisions that SHE didn't; she thought of us as chauffeurs and roommates with money.)
She's now 23, a college grad and a delightful person to be around. She also says she's not ready to be a parent - "Nothing worked on me - why do I think it would work on my kid?" She has ADD and understands now how that affects her behavior. She's responsible and fun to spend time with.
Hang in there! Don't get discouraged, even when it feels like it will never end, or when someone says rude things like, "Well, if you were doing your job she wouldn't act this way."
I agree with Sandy that you should bring this up with medical professionals. Your pediatrician should be able to refer you to a good behavioral therapist or child psychologist who can help you get to the bottom of what's going on and help correct the behaviors.
Have you had her tested for a medical condition or chemical imbalance? Kids that have a nutritional or chemical imbalance eat weird things like paper and soap. Kind of like pregnant women who have a need to eat chalk or smell fabric softenerm, it's called picos or something. I would seek professional advice and counsel and even a nutritionist. Could be lead poisoning or some other toxins in the home causing an imbalance. Definitely sounds out of the norm and may need behavioral therapy. Maybe you can put a potty in her room (she may be sleep walking at night and doesn't even know it).
for the peeing - put her in a diaper/pull up at night & don't fight the fight.
for the hording - you may want to talk to a psychologist. it may be nothing, but it might be a good idea to find out why she is doing it.
my daughter is a bit like this - we call it "stashing." she just loves to put things into containers and/or hide them. but she doesn't freak out when it's time to put everything back & sometimes she has a legit reason (like she's hiding the stuff from her little brother so that he won't wreck it). still worth checking out since hording can be a sign of OCD.
Hello, While this might be a phase, I woud make an appointment with her doctor and discuss your concerns. He might be able to direct you to the proper counselor who could help your daughter to understand why she is doing these things.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.
Have you tried putting a training potty in her room? I peed around the house as a toddler..i was afraid of the toilet after i dropped my binky in it..but i don't think i did it at 5...i would suggest you find potty books..and have her smell what its doing to her room..as for the things she is taking..sometimes kids like normal house hold items for toys..perhaps she needs to feel in control of something..maybe you can have times where she gets to be the boss...
i do that with my son..or sometimes when he comes in the room i say.."a oh..the boss is here..are we in trouble boss?" he's 4..he seems to really like that...i also let him play with household items..sometimes they turn up out in the yard..no biggie..i'm happy he is having fun with them.
D.
have you talked to your pediatrician? talked to a child psychiatrist?
This sounds like a very complicated situation. I'm the first one to recommend firm discipline for most things, but these behaviors show traumatic reaction to stress and without knowing about her home life, school and relationships, diet etc, it's impossible to say why she would do these things. If she has plenty of love and attention, firm boundaries, good discipline, a healthy diet, plenty of sleep and a happy home, no high stress relationships or lack of important relationships like a drug addicted or missing parent-and you truly have tried everything, including clear explanations and firm discipline for peeing in her room and hiding things, she definitely needs to be evaluated by professionals.
The problem isn't necessary the behavior it is the reason for the behavior. So with the soap do you think she is eating??? There are certain conditions that make a person crave soap. Being 5 she may not be able to stop herself. Usually it is a dietary issue lacking certain nutrients. This may be why she is taking to food to mask the taste? People eat paper for the same reasons too. Maybe take her to the doc to check out that issue. The you can work on finding a better fix.
Maybe you can set up a video cam and see what's happening in her room. It'll help when you take her to the doc, especially if she is eating the soap or other random stuff.
Sounds like you mya need some professional help. If she's in school talk to a counselor.
