My 5 Yr

take him home, do not give in to him at all. he will eventually bore of it since he knows it isn;t working and try some other tactic.

Dr Sears, has some excellent advice about tantrums here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063300.asp

and more discipline advice here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

Hello Mama,

I understand!! = ) I am a parent coach, and most of my clients have the same issues. I've actually developed a class that I teach mostly locally to help parents managing behavioral issues.

First, what not to do. I've been working with kids for 17 years, and I have NEVER found the typical time-outs to work. I know everyone says they're great, but I won't use them.

Now what to do. First, get ready for more tantrums for a while. I have had great success with the following program, but it takes a lot of work before it gets better.

1) Establish household rules & consequence, (I teach this in my class and I have a how to sheet if you want it, let me know)
2) Make the rules in forms of what you want, "we will be respectful to each other." And the consequences fit the "crime"
3) IGNORE any tantrum. This is my version of time out THAT SOLVES THE PROBLEM. Tell they child you see they're upset, but you cannot talk to them when they are out of control. Ask them to go else where until they are calm and come back to you. If they don't leave, walk away yourself and repeat the same message.
4) Become a broken record. I love this one, repeat what you need/ want to see every time he gets out of control. "I will not take you to the park while you're throwing a tantrum." "I cannot hear you when you whine."

These few behavior modification tricks will do the job, but it takes consistence on your end. You MUST stick to your rules, or it won't work.

Here's the reality. Kids throw tantrums, because they work. You give in and they get what they want. It's not them being bad, (mostly), it's them working the system to get what they want.

If YOU stick to your boundaries and do not give in, eventually your child will change HIS behavior to get what he wants from you. If your child learns you will only reply when he says please, he will say please to get what he wants.

This is a quick and simplistic overview of my class, but I can tell you it works.

Please let me know if you have any questions. You are not alone in the battle of the 5 year olds = )

R. Magby

So??? He only does it because you must give in at some point....
Just ignore him and he will soon realize that won't work.

With my girls I come right out and say (while looking them in the eye) we don't act like this and we certainly don't get things for acting like this!
They are off to their room or in a time out chair until I say they can get up! Period!
I tell them they are not allowed to talk to me or their dad like that and I will NOT put up with it!
We also take things away for such actions!

Our house is happy and fun with lots of laughter, so it isn't a mean/bad thing to lay the law down! Nip it in the butt now!

Just let him tantrum.
A child WILL deflate on their own. Send him to his room.
Tell him no.
Boundaries.
Teach him how to treat 'family.'
From about that age and up... when a child does that it is no longer 'cute' nor excusable... especially in school.

You cannot 'reason' with a child when they are in the midst of a live tantrum and seeing 'red.' So, let him deflate.... sit down, read a magazine... tell him that when he calms down, you will be right there for him. Then talk to him about it.... clearly.

And if he is not good at communicating his needs... then teach him how to speak and talk... and how to ask for things in a palatable way.... or have options... ie: tell him, he can have this or that... but that's it.

Teach him how to be a "Team" in the family... team-work and give him chores.... so he learns about 'helping.'

The book "Have A New Kid By Friday" by Leman... is quite good... and non-derogatory and has good practical tips.
Amazon or even E-bay has it.

all the best,
Susan

I had one 5 yr old daycare boy like that and as soon as I increased his sleep he had great days without problems!

Also with kids that age they are starting to pick a way that THEY like to know they are loved. This is called their Love Language. If you find the way that he likes to feel loved (touch, words, having one on one time, having you do something for him, or getting gifts) then you can fill up his love tank and things will improve. (read The 5 Love Languages for Children)

Rebecca is right on!
With him, write up a list of House Rules.
Review them with him 2x/day.
Explain the consequences for breaking a rule.
Implement consistently. (Easy to say, HARD to do, but you MIUST be consistent!)
Catch him doing things RIGHT! Praise him for good behavior and for following the rules when he IS. Don't just focus on the infractions.

And the consequences MUST be unpleasant. IMO, spanking doesn't work but I hit my son where it hurts--loss of electronic privileges (Wii, DS, Computer time, etc.)

There's a couple of good books that you can read about setting limits and disciplining elementary age children. Here's a few of them that I think would probably help you a lot:

Supernanny: How to Get the Best From Your Child
Parenting with Love & Logic
How to Talk So That Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

One thing that I have always told myself is that, "I don't negotiate with terrorist," even if those terrorists are my children. Both of my children know that the minute they throw a fit to get what they want, is the minute that what they want is no longer available to them. It takes a lot of consistency and a really strong backbone to really carry this rule out but it's definitely worth the effort.

Hope this helps.

I read the book Happiest Toddler on the Block and it really helped! It is about 1 to four year olds but he is having four yr old tantrums so it should help you. The book says when people get upset they regress. So a five year old who is upset could act like a three year old. Try to prevent tantrums. Make sure he is never too tired or too hungry. Prepare him in advance for things that may upset him. for ex. Before you leave the house, again in the car and as you enter the store say "We are going to the toy store to buy a toy for your cousin's birthday. We are NOT buying anything for you today. What did I say?" have him repeat it back. Always give a warning: We are leaving the park in five minutes, you can go down the slide some more or swing for five minutes but we are leaving when this timer goes off. they dont argue with timers as much as they argue with parents! There is a snack in the car for the way home. (Snack could be tiny like four M and M's OR one juice box) When I take him to the grocery store I pack a small snack, small juice box, he used to always ask for a match box car so i brought one from home in my purse to let him hold if he asked. When we go to a place where they sell treats, (circus, zoo etc) I pack snacks and treats in my purse that I dont mind him having. GIVE him Lots of praise whenever he asks nicely for things "You cant have the _______ but I LOVE the way you asked so nicely, give me a big hug! You are getting so so big! I'm so proud of you!" You wont be able to eliminate all tantrums right away but if you never give him what he wants when he screams he will get better.

You've gotten lots of good advise. When my daughter throws a tantrum (although she is not a habitual tantrum thrower), I would give her permission to throw her tantrum, then ignored it while she did. This stopped it immediately. I would tell her "I know you are upset and I give you permission to throw your tantrum now. Ok, have at it." She just looked at me strangely and went about her day.

My son is going to be 5 next month. There are still some tantrums but they are decreasing. My son knows he will not get his way if he has a tantrum since I have made the point even reasonable requests will be refused if they are part of a tantrum. But he still has to be redirected if he starts whining or being demanding. It took a lot of ignoring tantrums to get to this point. And there are still times when he is overtired, sick or something when he is just in meltdown mode and it takes only a tiny thing to trigger it.

Make no mean no if you give in to his whinings then he has learned how to push your buttons. Say no and put him in time out or in his room.

And that behavior is grounds for Time out for 5 mins (1 min per year of age).

Try the book 1 2 3 magic

S.