My 4 Yr Old Whines & Cries All the Time

Tell me if you figure it out HA HA Actually, I don't have a complete cure but for playing nicely, I found it helped if I sent my dd to her room, ALONE, in a CALM and PLEASANT voice (not showing any displeasure or anger), saying she needed some "time out" and she could come out when she was ready to be nice to the others. The KEY is being calm (I found annoyance creeping in my voice and she'd react to that more unfavorably). At least, if it doesn't teach him right away, you've cut down on the squabbling for that time being.
With the whining it takes longer to "cure," but you have to make absolutely sure it NEVER pays off for him to whine. This is very hard to do, as it is easy when you are distracted or busy to just mouth off (negative attention can be just as reinforcing) or to give in. Whatever he is whining for, give him the EXACT OPPOSITE. For example, if he whines for another cookie, tell him "since you asked in a whiny voice instead of nice words, I am not going to give you another cookie--in fact, I'm taking the one you already have" or "you won't get a cookie for the rest of the day either" or whatever you think is appropriate. Again, delivered without showing your annoyance.
The key (not always easy) is to figure out what he is gaining by whining. He wouldn't keep doing it unless it somehow worked for him and he was getting SOMETHING out of it (even if it's just negative attention, or the feeling of power of seeing others get mad).
Again, it won't work right away, and may even get worse at first as he tests you, but if you stick with it and be consistent he WILL learn! (I know that's hard to do!)
Hope that helps!
Lynn

my 4 year old was like that too. he gave up naps when he was 3, but i noticed this behavior starting around the same time of day. so, whether he is on good behavior or not, says he is tired or not, i always make him go to his room to lay down. if he doesn't fall asleep, i let him come out after about 30 minutes. this really worked for us in helping him cope with his emotions better.

I wish I could help but my almost 8 year old is the same way, he will pick and pick on his brother and be a total jerk but you even scold him and he is in tears, he loves to dish it out but he can't take it at all. it is very frusterating, but you are not alone, i jsut keep hoping he will outgrow it.......sooner or later.

Hi M.,
Pretend you can't hear him. If he gets in your face or something, simply respond as monotone as you can, "I'm sorry, I don't speak whine." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. You know how they can a reaction by repeating (and repeating)...so can you. As far as the meanness, I like what one of the other moms said about time away. Simply remove your son, take him to a safe room (like his room if they aren't playing in there or the living room) away from everyone else and tell him calmly, "You can come and play with the others when you decide to show kindness to our friends (siblings)." This puts the responsibility on him to choose good behavior, not on you to make it happen. I am very big into my kids making their decisions based on the real consequences. If they give me a hard time, I explain to them that they cannot play with others if they choose to be mean and after a while others won't want to play if they are always mean. It really puts the responsibility on them and you know what...they almost always choose to have fun with their friends (brothers, cousins) rather than sit in their room.
Also, we have a mandatory quiet time in our house. My boys are 8, 6, and 2. The 2 yr old is still napping but the other two have anywhere from 30 min to an hour and a half on their beds, with either a book or their handheld games(it's the only time they get to play) or Leapad. Some days they fall asleep but mostly they relax, cool off, and regroup.
Hope these ideas can encourage you to try some other things.
The "I don't speak whine" mantra still works on my 8 yr old who will take several deep breaths until he can speak clearly. It's great!
A.

I am a mother of 3 children also, 16 and 14 yr old girls and a 5 yr old son whom is severely disabled. We did not allow any whinning inour house EVER. If the children would whine my husband or myself would repeatedly state, we do not whine in this house, when you can talk without whinning, I will be more then happy to discuss your problem, until then you need to go sit on your bed, or lay down (something to give the child alone time, do not let them go back to the others because the whinning will continue). We didn't yell, we just spoke to them how we wanted to be spoken to. GOOD LUCK!

M.,
It can be frustrating, but it is typically normal for his age. This too, shall pass! In the meantime, I would always use monotones in response and definitely be consistent with your response. Do not allow the whining to get him what he wants! This would allow him to win and lose any ground you have accomplished with behavior modification. I raised 3 children and I responded to whining as follows: "I'm sorry, I don't understand whiny voices." I kept repeating that until they responded in the appropriate voice without the whine. I did not have to repeat it too many times until I got a positive outcome. If my child got mean with other children then, I removed them from the room and placed the accountability and responsibility on them. I had them stay in the room until they thought they could play nice and use their nice words and actions. I allowed them to come back at anytime, but we repeated the same thing each time they acted mean with their siblings or guests. I usually, only had to do this 1-2 times and the behavior stopped. They wanted to play and be included. The most important thing is to not allow them to see you get frustrated or mad, as their behavior would esculate more negatively. My sister has a son who is 3 and he is doing this now. He started to cry and throw a temper tantrum at my house. She continued to look at me and said do not look at him or acknowledge that you see him crying. Within one minute he stopped crying and he looked to see if he had an audience. When he realized he did not, he got up and went back to play with the cousins and siblings. It works! Good luck!