My 4 Year Old Son Doesn't Want to Go.

I am going to respond to this from a provider view point. Other than the small change in kids, has anything else changed? And from the sound of the request, it looks as if you stay through breakfast, or did I read that part wrong? Also I see you posted about him "letting you leave". This right here may be the problem. You are the grown up setting the example, you decide to leave not him. I have a family this has happened to after the child had been here for 2 1/2 yrs. He has stopped finally since starting Kindergarten, but now the younger one, 3 1/2 yrs, has tried to start the same thing. I say tried causee I have nipped it in the bud, before it got to carried away. It is ALL due the mother's response. She gets wishy washy, like there is a reason he should be uncomfortable/ scared to be at my home even though he's been with me full time since he was 8wks old. It pulls her heart strings and she racks her brain trying to figure out why he's doing it, getting almost crying and ffrantic herself saying, it'll be okay, mommy will be back, it's okay, plesae don't cry,....her response is why he does it! It gets him all kinds of attention and stalled the leaving process.

I know it is hard to leave him crying, but if you are sure there is no bad reason for him to be crying I would try to tweak drop off time. Bring him in, be upbeat, but matter of fact about it (no reason to overdue it) and drop them off, kiss them and tell them you love them and get out the door! Most kids calm down quicker this way. Have you asked how long it goes on for when you leave?

As far as the provider not liking him as your son thinks...I know I get very annoyed when this gets drug on and on and on with this family and as bad as it is, I do tend to be different towards that child. Not mean or anything, just annoyed. If this is the case, maybe he's picking up on it.

Try talking to the provider in depth about it and see if she has some ideas of how to make it better for everyone. Trust me, it's hard for you and your son, but it is equally hard for a provider to start of a busy day with a screaming kid and upset mommy each morning! If no solutions work for you guys, it may be time to switch. Not every situation works out the whole time!

I'm sorry you're going through this difficult situation, and hope that it all turns out okay for you all :-( I don't really have any magic bullet answer for you, however, I will say this from my own experience...

I have a 3 yr old daughter who went through a very tough time with the girls in her playgroup. She is very social, but one of the girls is very stand-offish and often won't participate and refuses hugs. For a period of weeks my daughter would become withdrawn during playgroup from being rejected by this girl, and would cry uncontrollably during playgroup or right afterward. She would also ask to go home. This was extremely difficult for me to deal with, and I really didn't know what I could do to make it better other than quit the group and find some kids that wanted to play w/my daughter! However, this was just a phase that the kids were going through, and I'm glad we stuck it out with the group. My daughter is still very social, and the other girl is still very stand-offish, but they seem to have come to terms with each other's personalities and enjoy each other.

Maybe try to ask him why he thinks she doesn't like him anymore. If he can't/won't say, could you sit in at the daycare for a couple of hours some day to watch the dynamics? Also, if you do conclude that switching daycares is best, make sure you ask him beforehand if he wants that (in the above scenario, my DD did NOT want to switch playgroups, even though she was in tears so frequently - she just wanted this girl to play w/her). If you do end up switching, perhaps the lesson he will learn is that when you have a problem, it's good to speak up because Mom and Dad listen to you and help you try to solve your problems...

Good luck!

B.,
Find a time and really TALK to your provider. Let her know how the situation has changed and see if she can recall any changes in the dynamics of the group that could have brought this on. If there's not truly a problem with the group, he may simply be expressing a desire to spend more time with you and this is one way to keep your attention. Work with your provider on the drop off in the morning, she could help you to keep it short and cheerful, sometimes our anxieties reflect onto the child's behavior. Try communicating with her during the day, see if the sad behavior continues during the morning, or dissapates quickly after you leave.
Good luck!

B.- take your child out to dessert or something. Only you and him. This way maybe he can open up a little. Ask him why he feels his provider feels the way he says. Sometime you got to probe but be careful to not put an idea in his head. Maybe your son is seeing something or hearing something that is scaring him. Maybe this provider has done something and told your child something that has hurt his feelings. Not to scare you, but please always keep an open eye and ear. I work at a hospital and I can't tell you how many children have come in with injuries from a "sitter" who has been caring for children for multiple years and one day just snapped. I really don't want to scare you but start young with your child. Let him know that he can come to you for anything and you won't get mad. And please be very loving. If your child doesn't open up the first time maybe try to see if dad, or grandparent or someone your child adores can talk to him. Maybe its a phase.
Also is there a way you can call him during the day just so he knows your thinking of him, you know, give him some reassurance. Maybe go to this sitters house on a day you have off. Stay at the sitters house and play with your child for a little bit or shoot the breeze with your sitter just to help reassure your child of this situation. I'm sure everything is fine.
I don't agree with the sitter just laughing it off. She should be very concern and maybe changing her attitude if your son is feeling this way. Maybe you need to have a conference with you, your husband, your child, and sitter.
Hope this helps, good luck!