My 4 Year Old NEVER Cleans up Anything! Advice?

Updated on February 29, 2008
R.R. asks from McKinney, TX
7 answers

I'll make this as short and sweet as I can. I know that there are many moms out there that can relate. I need some good advice. My 4.5 year old son is such a great kid. He is a very outgoing and caring person. He is always the one to include all the kids around him and is very well liked by his peers. Okay so onto the problem, he is so lazy at home!! What I mean is, he never cleans up anything and I am constantly picking up after him. I am not talking about the typical toys around the house, that is a given with most kids. I am talking about food and trash. The kid doesn't seem to know what a garbage can is to save his life. I find empty bags of almost anything that you can imagine, old cups of juice (or milk,YUCK),empty juice boxes, pieces of uneaten and old food, popcicle sticks etc...Okay you get the point. Where do I find these things you ask...ALWAYS hidden under furniture or behind furniture where it is sometimes weeks before I discover it. He knows that he should take these things to the garbage can. However I know him and have actually watched him before as he just hides these things wherever he is at the time. He does this to avoid getting up to go to the kitchen. Ladies, I admit I am a little bit of a clean freak but this is just really ticking me off and I don't know what to do. Everytime I find some of his trash I call him in to take it to the garbage. I don't even have to say anything, he just sees that I found his trash and he takes it to the garbage before I even say a word. However it isn't stopping him from doing it again. Is this normal? Heck my 2 year old son throws his trash away on his own and even helps me clean up. Not my older son. Advice please!!!!

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S.W.

answers from Austin on

I agree with the idea of no food/beverage outside of designated areas. If he doesn't follow that rule, then stop giving him the things he leaves lying around (like snacks or desserts or juice boxes). If he's hungry enough to want the snack and not have it taken away, he'll eat it wherever you tell him. If he needs to clean up an area where he's been playing, don't let him move on to the next activity until the area is clean. Be firm with him. Keep in mind, if it's a big mess, you can get down on the floor with him and encourage you both to work together to get it done twice as fast. Is he scared of bugs? Remind him that if he leaves food trash around it will attract bugs and he doesn't want to have bugs crawling all over him because he left his trash around.

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

woops, it posted twice

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C.W.

answers from Davenport on

We've had several boys in our home and some have been messy and some have been neat. We are foster parents and have had 8 kids in our home since 2003.

We've had several kids "hoard" things. By hoarding, I mean they hide food, things under their bed or under other furniture. With our kiddos, they put everything underneath their bed, food, clothes, toys,etc.. This may be the start of hoarding. No, that doesn't sound typical to me. I have a 2 year old and he is messy too, however I encourage him to clean up and usually he does clean up.

Have you tried doing a reward system? You could get a chart at Mardel's or a school supply store, even Wal-Mart or you could make one. You could put his chores or have the cleaning up on there and put each day on there. Each day track him and rate him on it. If he picks up his trash, then he gets a star or check mark. You could reward him then and let him stay up later or read an extra book,etc.. Or you could wait and do it at the end of the week and see if that works better and do a bigger reward like a renting a movie or getting extra books at the library. I would try this and see if that helps at all.

If that doesn't work, has there been any major changes in your home lately? Does he go to Pre-K or a sitter? If he does, is there any changes there? I would talk to the sitters or teachers, if he goes somewhere like that. It could be his way of dealing with his anger or he's frustrated.

Most of the hoarders we have had have been extreme cases. One child was homeless and that was his way of keeping his things protected and safe by keeping them under the bed. He may have had to do that in the shelters that he lived in, as a way of keeping his things out of the way. Usually they may feel threatened in some way.

It was frustrating cause I kept finding things under everything in his room. What we did, and this is like a last resort for you is to get play therapy. Play Therapists are wonderful. They have ones that can come to your home and then there are play therapists that work out of their offices. They all have different styles. You can actually play with your child on the floor and do this consistently and you learn a lot. Children's play is their work and that's how they communicate is thru their play. If you have some cars or something where you can do other things with it, you might try playing cars with him. Drawing and art is a good outlet too. You might want to encourage him to get outside and play for at least a little while or do some type of activity that maybe he can do by himself. Maybe he needs some more one on one time with you. You might try spending a little extra time with him before he goes to bed, however after your other child goes to bed.

Is there any food issues? If it is mostly food under the bed, that could be part of it. Do you have any animals, do you think he is trying to hide it from your dog/cat?

What I did, was I checked under the bed every day. We had other issues going on, so we had to focus on several things.

We use Love and Logic and lot of schools use that too. Check out their website and you may want to read the book or get a video from them. It is www.loveandlogic.com

Hope this helps, C.

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J.H.

answers from Dallas on

I have to be cleaning with my 4 yr old. I even turn on some kiddo music and get him involved big time. I also have had to throw some toys away.. not really tossing them but taking them away.
It drives me nuts because he is the one that complains about messes but he wont always clean them up.
Good luck

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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

Looks like for him is a hide/seek game now. How about NO FOOD/drinks outside of the kitchen? I try to do that w/ my kids. it doesn't always work but it sure cuts down on the food stuff I find out of place. With both of my kids at age 4 it was a nightmare to try and get them to pick up anything at home ...at a friend's house they were big helpers. =) so hang in there! there is hope. =) Good luck!

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A.K.

answers from Dallas on

I second the recommendation of only eating at the dining table (in the kitchen or dining room) and having him throw away his trash immediately after eating. If after a while (maybe a few months) he gets good at this you might say he'll be rewarded by being allowed to eat on the couch or wherever, but only again if he remembers to clean up his trash immediately.

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T.L.

answers from Dallas on

I also agree with keeping food in a designated area. When mine were younger we had a rule that all food and drinks stay in the dining room at the table. If they were caught outside that area they were warned once if caught again the snack was taken away. And they did not leave the room until the dishes or trash is put in its proper place. As far as cleaning up toys and play areas... make it a game there are some "clean-up" songs for kids (most kids cd's have them also if at first you want to help him make it a race to see who can clean up the fastest winner gets a "cookie" or whatever reward you choose to give. Just remember Mom always "loses". Hope this helps.

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