My 4 Year-old Is Pushing My Buttons!!

I don't have the answer but I also have two kids same age and I just want to let you know that I lost it last night (my husband has a meeting from 7-9 on tue nights and so I have them ALL day). For some reason I just can't cope with them for this long and find myself yelling and loosing my temper. The only thing I can tell you is that I don't allow my children to think its oaky for mom to loose it. I asked her to forgive me for being grumpy and yelling. Yet, I don't know how I'm going to keep it from happening again next tue. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

I feel you but I’ve found that if I separate my kids they behave better so I have my 3 y/o help me cook while the 2 y/o plays ect. Even though my 2 y/o doesn’t get as much of the one on one at least they aren’t fighting and I am not losing control. I figure as soon as he is old enough to help I will split task. When you find yourself getting aggravated switch task I promise this helps.

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone! I have a four year old daughter and an 8 month old son. Yesterday, I really thought I might lose it! Some days it seems like she just doesn't listen to a word I say and it is so frustrating! I just try to stay calm and remind myself that she is 4 and I need to control my anger and frustration with her. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't! I don't really have much advice, just know I'm suffering with you! lol

Do you have my 4 yr old? :) I feel you. We have a 5 yr old who thinks he knows everything, a 4 yr old who thinks he has to cntradicte(sp??) his older brother, a wild 18 mo old, and a 3 mo old who always wants mommy at the moment. I'm sure they are all going to send me to the rubber room. haha. If I get so mad to start yelling, I usually walk away from the situation to regroup. My two older oneshave learned, if I walk away what they did really made me mad. I'd rather walk away and come back calmer, than yell and them not get what they did was wrong or upsetting. Also I don't get much time "away", so I look forward when my in-laws come to town to "releave" me.

Oh and all mine are boys. 8^)

My sons are 5 & 7 and 4 was definitely one of their most difficult ages. It's like terrible 2s, but they're now smarter. Plus they were fighting for my attention (I had 3 kids in 3-1/2 years). I found a couple of great books at the library about 4 year olds, and just reading them helped me to better understand being 4.
I also found that giving them alone time or special time helped. Each day they got to choose what we did for 1 hour. I set up the day so that the first part would allow me to clean up, make breakfast, and take care of the baby, and then during the baby's morning nap, one of them could plan what we did for that hour (craft, cartoon, books, park, etc). The other boy would plan what we did during the baby's afternoon nap. This way they got their time with me, and I got my time to devote to cleaning and the baby. Hope this helps.

Your daughter is 4 years old, she KNOWS what she is doing. She knows if she gets you angry enough she also gets your complete attention. Good or bad!

Maybe when she misbehaves you need calmly (and that's the hard part) take her by the hand and walk her to her room and without yelling, tell her that when she behaves she can come out of her room and spend time with the rest of the family. Or put her in a time out spot where she can see you are paying attention to the baby because the baby is not misbehaving.

But remember that when she is a good girl, you have to pay a little special attention to her. And always praise her! Maybe when you put the baby down for a nap you can tell her she was so good today that you want to play with her for a few minutes. (I used to have a little tea party with my girls.) Sort of like a reward.

I wish you good luck. You have a long road ahead of you. I'm so glad all 5 of my kids are grown up now and I no longer have to worry about things like this anymore. Now it's their turn to deal with it because all of them have kids of their own! LOL

I've been there, done that. I would say to try to be more structured if you aren't already. Like in the evening when your husband isn't there and it's time for you to unwind try to have a game with the 4 year old, or read a story or something to give her attention and then tell her it's time to go play by herself in her room. While she does that do something with the 20 month old and either nap or bedtime then or let him play where you can see him. You have to give yourself some time in there day or evening to unwind a bit. They can't have all the attention all the time or you'll yell and go down from there. Make it fun and happy time when you do something with them but then be firm when time to play alone. You could let your 4 year old color or something at the table or wherever while you do something too. Just try to keep them active on creative things and not just wandering around wanting attention. Can you take the 20 mo. old outside or in a basement room to run some to wear him out? My first two were boys a year apart and they had to get outside to run, jump whatever or I was crazy. Even with that boys are pretty active. Try to make yourself realize they grow fast and these are days to treasure. I know that's easier to realize at my point than where you are now as mine are grown and I miss these days of little kids and wish I'd played more, talked more, read more, sang more, all more and we did do all these things then. Just you treasure them when they're not there anymore. Laugh more and enjoy them.

You say the parenting books work, so please try to stay consistent. It will save your sanity in the end.

Are you less patient just before your period? consider PMS as a factor and talk to your doctor or learn about herbal relief.

Make play dates with other Moms. Support is helpful.

LOL!

Oh, the memories.

Please know that your 4 year old DOES know she's pushing your buttons. You're right at the beginning of the Power Play years. She's going to push to see just how far she can get with you.

The trick is to remember this simple phrase: "Pick your battles."

Sometimes it's easy to get roped into arguing with your child. Stop. Think about the topic. Is it really something to argue or get worked up about? Think about it in the grander scheme of things and you might just find yourself laughing.

Don't get roped in. Don't ALLOW your buttons to be pushed. Pick your battles.

♥