My 4/Y Son Keeps to Himself

I just wonder if your son feels uncomfortable being the only 4-year old in a class filled with 5 and 6-year olds and the fact that he started class mid-year. The other kids have the added advantage of being just slightly older and having a good 5 or so months to bond together and establish their cliques. Maybe it would be good to talk to his teacher about this. Is there any reason why he couldn't be in preschool until the new school year started?

Dear W.-
Our children are who they are. Maybe some martial arts for self confidence.
Remember he is 4.
best, k

sounds like he could benefit from being the oldest in his class!

My middle child was like that... she would rather play side by side than with other kids (normal at that age), but when they included her she just did what anyone told her to. I sat back and watched for a few months. After all, she had her big sister to speak for her and didn't feel the need to voice her own opinions. Finally one day, she was playing with a group (sister included) and decided she wasn't going to be bossed around anymore. She told her sister what SHE wanted to do, and the other kids told her that they didn't want her playing if she wasn't going to play by their rules. Well apparently enough was enough, and she punched her sister (the ringleader) square in the face with her little fist. While she shouldn't have hit someone, I wasn't even mad, because it was the first time I had ever seen her stick up for herself. My point is, your son will come around in his own time when he decides that he wants things his way. The shoe WILL go on the other foot. Hopefully, with your guidance, he'll be taught there's a time and a place to assert himself... my daughter is now 'that bossy kid'... we're working on it ;)

First off, it takes some children more time to get used to knew surroundings, schedules, rules and routines. Once acclimated, ask the teacher how he is doing and if there are activities used in school that encourage children to express opinions or make decisions. For instance, with my students we do a lot of talking and singing. The group music activities encourage everyone to do the same but then we stop and each child has to present their ideas for the next step. This trains children to think about what is next, what they like and have their way done. Simple little things like this can help. When talking about school or preparing for school, ask him what his favorite games are or toys and what he would like to do in school today. Tell him his ideas are great and he should share that with others (friends, teachers) at school. At the end of the day, ask him if he did it. Praise him if so and if he didn't, help him come up with ways and words to bring it up. Role play is a great way to start. Good luck. It does take time.

There is a big difference interaction wise with Kindergarteners and 4 year olds. Try to find some drop-off classes with children the same age as your son. Don't push him, it may be his personality to be introverted - how were you or his father at that age? Maybe he needs small playgroups instead until he can handle larger group situations. Children develop differently, his milestones may be different than other 4 year olds.

Take him out of Kindergarten. He is wayyyy too young. For boys to be successful throughout school and developmentally he should be close to 6, or 6!!!! It will catch up with him.