I have a 4-1/2 year old that just won't use the potty. He was half-trained at the age of 2, but had to have an orchiopexy (undescended testicles) and since then, he won't go near the potty. He claims he can't tell when he has to go, but when he goes in his pants, he will sit in it for hours and not tell anyone. I can force him to urinate on the toilet, but ten minutes later, he will soak or soil himself. He's undergone several tests and the docs claim there is nothing physically wrong with him - that it is behavioral. He's also started in with banging his head, trying to break his glasses, and saying "you hate me" every time we tell him no. Not sure if it is related or not, but we are at our wits end and don't know which way to turn next. Not sure if it is behavioral, or maybe something more. Please help!
I'd START with some kind of schedule. Don't make a huge deal out of it but rather USE that time for reading & talking if need be. Make it a POSITIVE THING for the two of you or he and his father, etc.
That will take care of two things.....getting him on some sort of schedule - not that there won't be accidents - but ALSO to change the tone of the whole situation.
wow I'm sorry to hear that you are having those problems, but then again at least I know I'm not the only one. I have a 7 year old daughter and she does the same thing, Dr's told me nothing was wrong so I took her for counciling and found out that for some reason she is depressed, I try not to make such a big deal about the wet and soiled panties, but at the same time acknoldge the good days. The only thing I can think of is the neighbor kids she plays with are only children and it apears to her that they get everything and she has nothing, but in all reality she has more, a 9 year old brother and a 15 year old sister and lots of love from the whole family. One thing I can say is keep him clean and free of iritation. Maybe even seek some counciling for him maybe the surgery traumitized him. God didn't had out owner manuals, so all we can do is pray, learn from them and get help from someone that has went to school to study them. Good luck
K. - I can relate to some level with your frustration as I have an almost 3 y/o and we are just now making head way on the potty training. Though I can't really comment to much about the issues he might be going through as to why he is soiling himself I wanted to comment on the head banging issue. My son went through that stage about a year ago and it only lasted a brief while. When I spoke with his ped about it, he said not to worry because kids know how hard they can do things before it will hurt them. I just started to ignore it when he would hit his head against the wall (only happened when he was in timeout) and eventually he stopped on his own. The other thing I just came across online what advise on how to get tantrums to stop when nothing else works. Anyway, I found a site that talks about reverse psychology. Not sure if this fits your situation but I know it has helped with my boy. Here it is: http://www.helium. com/items/ 449309-rebecca- struggling- kevins-screaming
Good luck and God bless!
Sometimes little ones think that surgeries happen to them as punishment because they are "bad." He could be feeling guilty about some minor problem, and acting out the trauma of the surgery. You might want to explain more fully about why the surgery was necessary, and see if you can't open the door to some heart-to heart talk with him. Kids this age have an amazing imagination too, and sometimes they can't tell the difference between what is real and what is fantasy. You might try finding books about potty training, going to the hospital, and unconditional love at the library. Your children's librarian could help you there. Good luck!
K. i have 20 plus nieces an nephews an they all have tried this it is an attention getter just ignore him an let him sit in it if he thinks that he gets your attention every time he dos this he'll keep it up just go on with eveyday life an say nothing until he dose then let him knoe that it is wrong but you have other things to do then run him to the potty he is a big boy an can do that for you so you can get your things done then he'll think he's hepling you an not himself an all kids want to help do things even if they don't reallize that you win
K., this could just be that he is trying to get your attention. With all the other children in the house and you working full time. Or maybe sometime happen at day care.
We started potty training at 17 months and our grandsons were potty broke by 2. Do you see a ped doctor? Surely they could tell you things to try but don't stop til you find the answer.
Good luck and God Bless.
If there is nothing physically or mentally wrong with your child, then it is time to for punishment that does what it is supposed to do- make him mind you. It will take some work on your part. Each time he soils himself, make him clean the mess up- wash the clothes out in a bucket outside. For #2, make him rinse them in the toilet first. Then, send him to his room for several hours, bringing him lunch or dinner to his room if it runs over eating time. (Also, no TV, video games, computer, radio, etc in his room) He can look at books and play with simple toys but he must stay in his room.
Make sure you explain to him that he cannot go to school, friends houses, etc unless he is using the toilet like the rest of the kids. Maybe you could get your 7-yr-old involved in helping with this.
I have a friend with a son the same age with the same problem(s). They discovered he had an impacted bowel that had gone on for years and is going to take 6 months to a year to get corrected. Anyway, the pressure his bowel was putting on his bladder made it impossible for him to feel the need to go to the bathroom (1 or 2) and it made him go in his pants more frequently. They do also have some behavioral issues that go with this and are also a result of this and he is seeing a child psychologist.
Try positive reinforcement. When he does potty, hug and kiss him and tell him how much you love him. Also have a little reward box so he can pick something out of it when he does go on the potty. If he is saying you hate me, he may want to be reassured that you love him. Tell him often what a big boy he is and how very much you love him.
BJM
My now 5 1/2 year old would do that to me. Suddenly he changed. I can only explain it as a phase. He still uses that poor pitty me, but is getting better. My eight year old used to try and make me feel guilty and tell me those things. But when he learned how to read (surcumstanical?) he stopped. Just try not to let the behavoir bother you.
It could be behavioral, but it might not be. If it's mostly soiling (poop), it could be encopresis. It's estimated that about 2% of children (mostly boys) between 4 and 10 have it at some point but most parents and doctors are clueless and have never heard of it. A quick x-ray can determine if he's impacted or not.
