My 3.5 Year Old Always Telling Me NO.

Maybe I'm mean, but if she's going into time out like she's told, when time out is over I would what the behavior was that got her there and then tell her that the time out is over and she can get up whenever she is ready to and leave it at that. You are giving her the "choice" so she may just get up because it has been stated as a choice and if she doesn't then it's her choice and it's not another opportunity to defy you because you are not "telling" her to. Just my opinion. :-)

Hi There, I agree with Amanda. Time outs didn't work for awhile, then we decided to make her stand in the corner with her hands behind her back and legs apart. She absolutly hates it. Afterwards we would ask her what she did wrong and she knew it. My daughter is 5 now, and we all have respect for each other. It is great.

I took a class at LCC and I learned that if you say "OKAY?" you are giving the child a chance to argue with you. I knew this but I didn't know what else to say to end the conversation. I learned "DO U UNDERSTAND?" This ends it and gives them no chance to debate it with u. I was amazed! With my daughter to this day, if she tells me "NO" I remind her that I am the mom and am in charge and her attitude is disrespectful and not accepted. Kids understand and know way more then they let on or we give them credit for. Don't let her fool u.

If she wants to stay in the corner let her. I hope this helps you as much as it did me. In my class at LCC, I also learned that if you talk less and act more, you build credibility. At first, I was like ya right, but the more I practiced what I learned and didn't argue, I was amazed!!

For example, when it is time for bed and my daughter decides she is not ready for bed, this turns into a fight, right? I told her one time in the middle of the day that I am going to give her only one hug and kiss and explained that the longer I am in her room, to get her to sleep, the less beauty sleep she gets. She understood..
So when she gets up, which she normally does, I wait by her room, out of view, until she gets up to play or whatever and I literally escort her back to bed, and leave as calm and show no emotion and without saying a word, I leave her room. I repeat this. If it turns into a fight, stay calm, and tell her that what she is doing is her choice. And it is time for bed!! It worked. It took a few times because of being stubborn, but the message got through.

Hope this helps you now and later. Let me know how it works and if you have questions.

I have a 3 1/2 yr old too so I know exactly what you are experiencing! I don't have any answers but it is comforting to me to know other people out there are going through the same thing I am. Books haven't helped me much. I just try to remember he will only be 3 once and "this too shall pass".

Our 3.5 year old started to become unfazed by timeouts as well so we took the chair away. She now stands facing the corner--she HATES it, which is good, because now she listens and doesnt want to end up in timeout.
I havent had mine argue with me (yet) so I cant help you on that, sorry.

I was a difficult child at certain times in my life. I don't know how my mom lived with me sometimes! I do remember a few things and plan on using them if my child starts to act up like I did....
*No begging allowed. If we would beg, then we would never get what we wanted ever AND we lost a privledge of something else for a certain time period.
*No tantrums allowed. She would ignore us at home and go about her day. It's not fun to scream and writhe if one is not getting attention for it. If we were in public, we would immediately be sent home to our rooms.
*Do what she says when she says it. Privledges would be lost for a certain period of time, or if we were smaller, a time out would insue (looking at a blank wall for a certain period of time. We could not look away from them wall at other things. Yes, she would watch us to make sure we were looking at the wall).
My mom was a tough lady when it came to discipline! She meant business and we knew it. We knew what we could and could not do and also knew that if we got caught being naughty, we'd be punshed for sure.
We also knew that she loved us more than anything else in her life. She told us constantly and was very affectionate with us. Lots and lots of hugs and kisses.

I was also contrary...My mom had to use a puppet to get me to do anything. I wouldn't listen to my mom, but the puppet was perfectly acceptable (I was about 3 years old then). Maybe she has a favorite doll she likes to play with that you can use to get her to do things. I.e., "Dolly wants to go here, so can you please do this so that we can go?" or "Dolly's hungry, but she can't eat until the toys are picked up, can you please help me?". Sounds silly, but it worked for me.

She also did in home daycare and they sang songs while doing work, which made it almost like play. Or raced to see who could do something the fastest and the best, giving a treat to the one who was most successful.

Since you work full time, she may just be acting out for attention. Sometimes we don't realize how much hugs and holding they need...just make sure you don't skimp on them as she has precious little time with you during the week :)

I think that you should introduce the token system to her. In other words, get a background page of any character that she likes or any intrest that she might have (for ex: my daughter loves princesses), so print out a page laminate it, cut out a few characters maybe 3 to start with, and attach some velcro strips to the back of the characters and to the page you printed out (make it very colorful). Then hang up on the fridge to her reach, and keep the characters in a safe place where only you have acess to them. Then explain to her that you guys will be playing a game, and that mommy expects good behavior and that when she is told to do something, and she listens she will recieve a character for her to stick on to the page on the fridge, and when she gets to put up all characters she gets a big prize ( something that she loves ex:candy, fav. toy, activity w/ mom). Also explain that if her actions are unacceptable, that you as well can take away a character. Be very contingent with this system , and catch her when she is doing something good without you having to tell her. try to reinforce her in a positive way, and be very excited for her when she reaches her goal, but don't let her manipulate you.When she is doing something inappropriate, don't hesitate and remove a character (this way she'll know that you are serious). After a while change the amount of characters to maybe 5 to give her a challange. Also try not to give her what she wants to early in the day, watch her and add and remove characters according to her behavior. Goodluck, and if you have any questions email me.

I highly recommend the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Kurcinka. It saved me when my daughter was that age.
W. Jones
Breastfeeding Educator
http://www.mosaicbaby.com

you need to start encouraging her more like when she says No to things she shouldnt say No Too.. start spanking her butt and let her no she cant tell you no for a reason and your the boss she has to do what SHE IS TOLD TO DO.
if she says no when u get her up grab her and make her get up. that means u are talking about business as meaning u are starting to get strict with her and she will start to see you aint playing no games