I have a daughter who is 3 years old Fallon, she is an only child. I stay home with her and she doesn't get to expierence being with kids her age all day. When we go to the park or the pool or have friends over she doesn't know how to be patient wait her turn or share. She pulls hair, pushes kids out of her way to get her turn. She pinches to get her stuff back. I put her in time out and talk to her all the time but she still does it and kids don't like playing with her and I wouldn't either when a child does that to me! I try to explain it to her she has a great vocabulary so its not because she can't communicate either..and on another note she ignores her daddy. She seems to only listen to me..any suggestios would be great! She is a loving child but when it comes to kids and sharing and patients we don't do well! Please help
So I wanted to share that we started preschool last week, and the first week we cried this week has been awesome!!! No cr;ying and it is going great, we are being nice not hurting anyone. She has made a new friend at school and he comforts her, they sit next to each other. Thanks for all the advice we have made it through this stage!! Thank you i am so glad to have something like this to get advice! :)
I'm going through the same thing with my second son (also 3). I have an 8yo and have been through this before.
Its not you or what you are doing its just the age. Some kids go through this.
Keep doing what you are doing, she will get it eventually. Also keep trying to get her out and around other kids. Join a playgroup or meetup with friends who have kids the same ages. More interaction can only help.
At this age, don't try to rationalize with her. We just have to teach them what is acceptable, and it does take time For example, when at the park, if she does anything she isn't supposed to - hit, push etc . LEAVE immediately. Explain she can't play if she can't use nice touches and take turns... At home, play games with her and be consistent about rules and taking turns - END the game if she can't play properly. Good luck - such a fun stage, huh?
There is no reason why she shouldn't be with kids her own age several times per week. You should be at the library for storytime, join a moms group and attend their playdates, put her in a toddler gymnastics class, toddler music class, etc. We were able to find class like Music with Mar that are very, very inexpensive-like $6 per class, the Y has toddler class at reasonable prices. She needs to be with other children socially every single week at least a couple of times per week.
And when my son was 3 we would discuss in simple terms what was expected behavior-wise before we got to our destination. If she breaks the rules she gets one time out then after that you leave.
Look for playgroups at the library or talk to other moms and arrange for your kids to play together. It's tough when there aren't siblings - there's still hair pulling and pushing, but when it's your own two kids doing it? You're not quite as mortified! LOL
You could even put her into preschool 2 days a week. If she's got such a great vocabulary she'd probably love it and really thrive in a 'learning' environment.
I have a 3 yo son and luckily with him, he is sensitive. Whenever he hits or bites me because he thinks it's funny. At this age, he needs to learn right from wrong and it's my job to teach him. When he does something I don't like (let's say it's to me), I'll tell him it hurts and would you like it if I did that to you, and when he says no, I'll say would that make you happy or sad and he will say sad. So I Telly him that he makes mommy sad when he bites, hits or whatever. So maybe you could try asking why she is doing what she's doing and do you think the other kids like it... How do you think that makes them feel (happy, sad, mad) and would you like it if so and so did that to you? One time my son wasn't getting it (I think it was the first time he thought it was funny to bite), so I said 'let me show you how it feels when you bite mommy' and I very gently bit him... I know it sounds mean but it wasn't. Sometimes I think kids need to see what it feels like to be on the other end. Maybe it she gets a taste of what she's doing she may change her ways. Reverse psychology works wonders with kids!
She's only 3, just patiently teach her. You don't have to put her in time out, just remove her from the situation, say, "We don't pinch," or "We have to wait for our turn," and she will learn.
You are her teacher. But teaching doesn't have to include constant time outs.
Put her in a mother's day out program or find a MOPS organization at a local church. It is a great way for you to remove yourself from her for a few hours at a time and she can learn socialization too. I have seen both of these do wonders for kids. I teach preschool and some kids need the time away from mom to be disciplined by others and learn to play with others. Good luck and God Bless.
There is a series of books called Love and Logic--One is toddler age, then for older kids and a teen book as well. They are the best I have seen as they center on the natural consequence of actions and teach children early to make decisions based on consequences. No " punishments" such as spanking involved. Only natural consequences. Trains parents to become good at setting consequences too--such as never saying something will happen that you will not follow through on. Its a Christian series but the principles are sound no matter what your religious beliefs are. Based on reality training.
They say terrible two but in my opinion 3 was the hardest age for both of my children. Some of it is just being 3 and having worked in day care for years I can tell you it isn't just because she is an only child. Keep doing what you are doing and she will learn. I would also add that ignoring daddy might be a control issue. Maybe she feels like she doesn't get enough of his time and by ignoring him he will work harder to get in her good graces. Plan some daddy/daughter time where you step out and he has her alone and I think you will see that ignoring Dad goes away rather quickly. Good luck!
Keep at exposing her to other children. Give her lots and lots of opportunities to learn to share and play nicely. Since she hasn't had the exposure to other kids in her family it will be a process of teaching her now. Be very consistent when she behaves in a inappropriate way. She'll learn over time and with consistency she'll learn that it's funner to get to play with others and the park than sitting in time out because she's misbehaving.
