My 28-Month Old Won't Nap and Doesn't Sleep Through the Night! HELP!

Updated on April 20, 2008
J.M. asks from Sanford, FL
9 answers

I need help. My daughter, Emily, has never been the greatest sleeper. We transitioned her to a twin sized bed in January in preparation for a baby due May 6--I wanted her to have PLENTY of time to get used to the new bed. It was very rocky at first but after about a month she was going to sleep no problem. Over the past few weeks, though, her nap times and bed times have become an absolute nightmare for me.

At nap time, even though I tell her to stay in her bed and go to sleep, and even though I KNOW she is tired, she gets out of bed and starts playing with her toys. I'd be okay with a little quiet playing, but what she's doing is taking every toy she owns and piling them all onto her bed. If I go in and help her clean it up and put her back down, she will do it all over again. All this translates to extra work for me PLUS a cranky toddler for the rest of the afternoon.

At bed time (which was 8:30, but now without naps is 8:00), she plays the "potty game." She knows she is allowed to get out of bed to use the potty, so she will come out of her room every 15-20 minutes with excuses: "I have to pee-pee," "My diaper is wet," etc. The trouble is that she is ACTUALLY GOING TO THE POTTY (or does have a wet diaper) each time, so I feel like I can't really say no to that! We do tell her that this is her last time and enforce that, but she'll still come out and have to be escorted back to bed. She might do that for 1 or 2 hours before finally going to sleep. And even when she does fall asleep, she doesn't always sleep through the night, often waking around 3 or 4 in the morning to be changed or just to "hold Mommy."

I am exhausted and frustrated and I have no idea what to do about this. At 37 weeks pregnant, I really need the nap, too! Or at the very least, I need her to go to SLEEP at 8:00 and stay asleep all night.

She does use a pacifier, which I wasn't going to take away since we have a new baby coming soon and I know that will be a hard transition for her. But she isn't waking up because she can't find her binky.

I'm at my wit's end. Please HELP!

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M.F.

answers from Jacksonville on

hello this is only my opinion and everyone has one of those, but................ Have you tried limiting her fluid intake when it's getting close to bed time so that way she doecn't play the potty game. As far as sleeping through the night that is a good one every last one of my boys slept though the night and transitioned well to their twin sized beds except my toddler who is 2 yrs old soon to be 3yrs old. He still comes and gets in the bed with me at about 3 or 4 in the morning and when I feel him in my bed I get up and put him back in his. I tell him the next morning that he needs to sleep in his own bed, soooooooooooo it's a lot better than what it used to be maybe you can try that. Every little bit helps.

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A.B.

answers from Orlando on

Hello J.,
Well....everyone has advice on this one. It's got to be what works best for you. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old so I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! My daughter has never been a good sleeper EVER!!! She has probably only slept through the night 3 times in her life. She just started not wanting to nap a couple months ago and it's hard because my son is up a couple of times in the night as well. So I get 5-6 hours of sleep a night and have a very active day. I have found that when I really need to rest (and I know you need to being pregnant!!!) that if I take them to the park for an hour in the morning...the sun just drains the energy right out of her:-) It has worked every time. Since she is old enough to basically play on her own then you should just watch her and talk to her while she wears herself out.

Good Luck....It's such a catch 22 with no napping. They go to sleep earlier but the day is SO LONG!!!

Take care,
A.

I am 32 and have been married for 5 years (together for 10).

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E.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

I would do the opposite of whatever it is that Emily is trying to get from this behavior. If you tell her that it is bedtime and time to go to sleep, then even 'a little quiet playing' is disobedience. Make her (as much as possible) put the toys back where they belong - if she is big enough to pull the toys out, then she is big enough to put the back, and then put her back down.

Consider changing your bedtime routine so that she has the opportunity to go pee-pee every 10-15 minutes, maybe 3 times total and on the last time, tell her that this is the last time she can get up to go potty for the night, so she needs to really squeeze the pee-pee out.

Also, change how you respond to Emily in the middle of the night. I don't have any good ideas, but apply the principle of giving the child the opposite of what she hopes to gain from waking you up at 3 or 4 in the morning.

However you decide to manage Emily's sleeping, know that it is in her best interests to get a full night's sleep as well. Whatever you do it is in her best interests, even if she doesn't like it at the time. The middle of the night waking disrupts her sleeping pattern as well and has similar effects on her mood throughout the day as the effect it has on you.

At 28 months she is probably not physiologically able to stay dry throughout the night, but you can lower her afternoon liquid intake. Since she's actually able to produce urine every 15 minutes from 8:00-10:00 at night, then she's probably been drinking too much too close to bedtime.

As far as the nap, make whatever rule you have to, something like this is Mommy's and Emily's quiet time so you have to stay on your bed. You don't have to go to sleep, but you do have to be quiet and stay on the bed. Then every time she gets off the bed respond with whatever is your preferred discipline technique.

Good luck and congratulations on #2,
E.

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A.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Try the SuperNanny (JoJo) method, sit where she can see you but give her no attention, read a book or something, but don't make eye contact with her. Every time she gets up, just pick her up and put her back in bed, no words, no eye contact( except the first two times, you say "Emily, you need to stay in bed and go to sleep, goodnight, I love You", after the 2 times, no eye contact, no words) You might have to do this 30 times the first night before she stays and goes to sleep and 20 times the second night, but in the long run it always works on the show!! Good Luck!

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R.S.

answers from Orlando on

J. re; the frequent pee pee, Did you have her checked for a Urinary track infection. It will cause those symptoms and night waking. Girls can get them easily even as infants. There is even a pee test you can buy at the drug store

Also, another idea if all that checks out. I used to give my son camomile tea. Now the healthfood stores carry a tea for sleep just for kids, you just might have to add sugar or honey. There are also great homeopathic remedies marked for kids. My experience with my 14 year old when he was little is a lot of night waking until 3-4. My mom said that we did the same when we were kids. From what I read from Doctor Sears "night time parenting" book. Every human has a different sleep wake cycle. That is why some opt to cosleep with their kids because it is possible to sycronize your sleep patterns. So, this is what i did. After my second son came my husband slept with my 2 1/2 year old and me with the baby. We made sure to find alone time together. Life is tough when you have 2 little ones but I can tell you this, you will one day dream of the days when you did this and wish for them again. My boys are 12 and 14 now. They are wonderful but don't snuggle anymore like they used to and talk about driving and college... yeeks! Take deep breaths, and this to shall pass.

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D.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

J.,

Sorry to hear about the nap and nightime difficulty. Reading your delema brought me back to when my daughter was about her age. I have some thoughts. I would lay down with my daughter in the afternoon to get her to to fall asleep. Not the most effective way but we would fall asleep together in my bed and I would wake up after a short rest and go about my chores while she slept; I too was expecting our second. Truthfully I would not recomend this approach but you have to find what works best for you. At night she would sleep in her bed but we had a spell where she would get out of bed, so we locked her in. However, we were already locking her in at night when we whent to sleep for safety. We lived in a home with stairs and we were concerned she might get up in the middle of the ngiht and fall down the stairs; our room was on the main floor so she would have to come down them to find us. Locking her in made us feel she was safe. The door however, was split in two and the top could be open while the bottom portion locked. Now, that being said, we only locked her door to get her to stay in her room for about two weeks untill she understood that we meant it was time for bed and time for sleep. After that we would kiss her good night, turn out the light and leave the door open when we went down stairs. It was important for my husband and I to agree to a plan because we strggled a little trying to find something that worked for both of us. It was not fair to our daughter or us to drag it out. Another thought...I was often very leinient with my daughter because I wanted her to be happy. She is now 4 and I have had to work very hard to get her to respect me and to listen to me. Being my first I was eager to please her and acomidate her needs. Now that I have two I don't have the time nor the patience for the antics so there is a lot of limit setting and a whole lot of effort on my part to be consistant. She knows me well and can wear me down. I have had to develop a mental check list to defend against her constant attempts at getting away with things. If only I had done this work when she was younger my struggle would not be so great.

Good luck and congratulations.
D.

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B.R.

answers from Fort Walton Beach on

hi.
i faced the same problem with my youngest grandson,he turns 3 in june.due to sickness i have raised him over a year now.He has never taken naps,except a few rare occasions.He goes all day,sleeps till 9 in the morning mostly.he will still sometimes wake up for a few minutes if he knows his diaper is wet,for a change.he is potty trained during the day bu diaper at night.His bed time is 9 pm,most times he is ready by then.for months he would not go to bed for hours,just like your problem.We got him a dog! a mini doberman(2 years old) that was excellant with kids and almost housetrained!within a week she was fully hosetrained ,When bed time comes ''cricket'' goes to bed with him.Most times they are both sound asleep in 10 minutes!It has been 2 months since cricket came to live with us,still works! he also sleeps with a baby doll.this helps too,it is ''his friend''.
hope this info helps you...
B.

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I know it is hard, especially since you are physically and emotionally worn down (pregnancy does that). Try to hang in there. It is hard, but you guys are going to have to be more disciplined. Do not show her lovey dovey sweetie mommy/daddy when she is up at an inappropriate time. (Don't be mean either). Just be boring, uninteresting and uninterested adults. I understand the potty at bedtime thing too, my daughter was good at that game. She is WONDERFUL with not ever wetting the bed though! But after 2 trips, then it's time to ignore her. Don't stand there and watch or hurry her. Just ignore her from the other room. Tell her if she has to get up to potty anymore (which is fine) that it's okay.. she has to do what she needs to, but that you will not be returning to "tuck her" back into bed afterwards. You've done that already. Then stick by it. After several nights of this, she will soon decide that it isn't getting her extra attention and she will get bored with it. Same idea with the nighttime wake-ups. Don't hold her or give her what she wants. Just walk her back to bed with no fuss, get her in it, and leave... tell her good night and leave. Thats it. No extra good night songs or books or repeating any bedtime ritual stuff. Just kiss, goodnight, that's it.
It will be hard, but better to go thru it now than after the new baby arrives.
Good luck!

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C.K.

answers from Orlando on

Are you having someone help you? Perhaps taking her for a walk will help. I know when my daughter gets in that frame of mind no sleep no nap, I start taking her for long walks. I'm almost 15 weeks pregnant and it's not easy so I always call someone to go with me or to take her.

Try it, it may help.

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