My 19 Month Old Won't Sleep

Hi there
personally i am all for a little tv. Especially if it help out .
But on the other hand it sounds like you just need to rearrange the system.
When my girls were little and it was after dinner and bath time at around 7pm i would put on a favorite movie. The catch was they had to be in their beds and when the movie was over it means it is time for bed. And 95% of the time they were asleep way before the movie ended . Now with my young boys it is the same routine. When school time starts i start to wean them with shorter movies and then i add the tv timer. So when the teacher gives reading assignments i can use that as an excuse. Start a new routine and he will get used to it rather quickly i would say in 2-3 days. Be stong and consistant!! That is the #1 rule not to break. Sweet dreams

It's so tough! Last night we had our hour+ "scream fest" at our house. Our 2 year old (24 mo) has been waking in the night and crying, so we've been going in there and rocking her back to sleep. She's always been a good sleeper, so we were kind of surprised and reacted - just as she wanted us to. Anyway, for two nights we brought her into bed with us - well, last night we finally caught on and decided that was not going to be the practice.

We did a gradual thing. The first time she cried, we let her cry for 5 minutes, then went in and comforted her until she was calm (about 5 or so min). Then as soon as one of us (we took turns) left her room, she'd cry again. This time we let it go for 7 minutes, same drill. This went on for about an hour and fifteen minutes. We let her cry for up to 10 minutes and had our "calming" time get shorter and shorter. I think she exhausted herself from being so mad. Her cry was never a "sad" cry, but more a "mad" cry. At the end of almost her 10 minute cry turn, she stopped- asleep at last.

I will say that my clock never moved so slow! It's so difficult to listen to your little one cry and say "mommy" or "daddy" amidst tears. We just couldn't continue the pattern and let her dictate her sleep schedule - we know that's not in her best interest. It was tough, believe me - for both of us.

After it was over, we realized that it wasn't the worst thing - and she did sleep well - until 7:30am! We'll see how tonight goes, but they say sometimes it takes a few nights (up to about a week) to teach them a new routine or habit.

Best of luck to you and your husband. You can do it! Be strong, and support each other through the "crying" times. It may be harder on the parents, but it's a good result.

I know the screaming can get to you, however you will probably have to put some music on or whatever the toddler is used to in the room and let them cry them self to sleep. Start working with them during nap times and just keep firm and they will get comfortable with the bed.They say that this task is hardest to break. I hope this helps and gl.

Bravo to you to recognize you made a mistake but of course it can be fixed.
Your husband has to not give in and stand with you when you get him to bed, your son will learn quickly that you will cave at some point which can lead to fits going on for hours! Do this now or you will set yourself for a lot of problems down the road.
Sleeping in his own bed withut any distractions not only will lead to a better nights sleep for him, it will be a bonus for your maritial relationship. Getting a child dependent on a TV is a huge problem too, now you have to undo this too. Your bed should be for the time you get that is precious with your husband.
Let him scream, cry, pitch a huge fit, it will take a lot of patience, some nights of fits but when he realizes it is changing and he has to sleep in his own room without a video he will get it. It takes time.
Anything at this age can be undone, however it takes you and your hubby being on the same page.
Not trying to sound like a hard ass, but parents are not doing any favors to their kidsletting kids depend on them for sleep aids, not teaching them to fall asleep on their own and nobody truly gets a good nights sleep when there is a shared bed. As he gets older it can be a treat. For my kids it is a rare occurence, when they are sick, thunderstorm, bad dream, etc. They sleep 100% in their own beds as do I.

Okay, I know it is soo soooo hard, but I agree with the other poster. It's time to put him to bed in his own room, and he's going to cry. Just prepare yourself for that. But the rewards will be sooooooo great, not only for him, but for you too. I would suggest "Healthy Sleep Habits". Its the book I've been using as a guide and it has really worked well for my daughter. There are great stories in there of real people who used the techniques. Sometimes they seem cheesy, but I always think back on them in tough times and think "If they could do it, so can I."

I think the best thing I can suggest is to begin a NEW bedtime routine. Maybe even talk to your child about it. What does he like (besides the video)? Does he want a story? A bath? A warm sippy of milk? A song? Give him some options, he might feel like he has more control over how he is put to bed. But make a ROUTINE! Just like you have with the video. It is a total cue that tells him it's time to sleep, so he just needs to be "reprogrammed" that something else is that cue. Then, once the bedtime routine is complete, put him in bed and leave. DON'T GO IN THERE!!!!! The first few times I did this, I sat outside my daughter's door and bawled. Its hard, I won't fool you. You start questioning your self, your heart is breaking, but you have to keep in mind that you're doing what's best for your child. You need to get your hubby on board too. If not, it will never work. He'll scream as long as he thinks it will take to get you back in his room. Once he figures out you're not coming, he'll go to sleep. The first few times are the worst, but as you keep up the CONSISTENCY, it will get easier and easier.

My daughter still has to be "retrained" occasionally - after a vacation, or after an illness. But she never cries for more than 15 minutes really anymore. 15 minutes can seem like an eternity when your child is crying, but really in the grand scheme of their life, it's nothing. And they will really benefit from learning how to fall asleep unassisted. You'll be so glad you did it.

I like the other poster's idea of getting books, or watching videos where children sleep in their own beds. Getting a vision for your child of being a "big kid" and sleeping in their own bed can be such a great motivator. And yes! Lots and Lots of hugs, before bed, then lights out, and tons and hugs, kisses and congratulatiosn in the morning for sleeping the whole night in their own bed!!!!! Don't forget the pos. reinforcement!

Good Luck!
J.

Who is the parent? Sorry - but you need sleep. It seems you have forgotten who the parent is? You tell them what to do and that Mommy needs sleep. If daddy can't get it together to support you - have him and his son go sleep in your son's bed or the couch!
Get the TV out of your BEDroom!
Sorry - but do you see what I am saying here? Your bedroom is for sleeping. It is where you SHUT DOWN.
And M., Nyquil cold and sinus tablets work wonders. (For you not your son!)
Oh, and I read to my son until he or I went to sleep. Sometimes I went to sleep before him. There are so many lessons to learn and short stories are the best as their attention span is short. I know this is the generation that has to have gadgets, but put them down. Try Good Night Moon. Keep going - the more you teach the more they learn and they are absolutly sponges at this age. They soak in everything. Routine - eat, stroll around the block, bath (if needed), play, potty, read, bedtime - lights out. Good night moon, Good night Mom, Good night sons name...dad - support routine.
~~~ Good night ~~~
Sharon

If the cry it out method mentioned by the other posters works for you (and your child) then you could try that. But if your son is anything like mine the screamfest can go on, and on, and on -- until they make themselves sick, and if you are anything like me you can't handle the screaming.
Like you, I made some mistakes with letting my son get dependent on me for going to sleep. What did I know, I was a first time mom who suffers from chronic fatigue (if I can get 8 hours of sleep I can keep it in check) so I was doing what I could to function. When he reached a year old I realized my mistakes and didn't know how to correct them. All the advice I got from friends was to let him cry it out, but I personally don't think letting kids cry and scream for you when they are that young is good for helping them know that home is a safe and secure environment.
Then my SIL recommended a book called "The No Cry Sleep Solution". There are some great ideas in there; and the best part about the book is that it doesn't dictate only one way to solve the problem. The book gives lots of suggestions, guides you in creating your own plan for a solution and helps you know how to stick to the plan when things get hard. It only took a couple of months to completely break all his bad habits (my issue was more with sleeping through the night rather than getting to sleep) and now at 3 he does a great job. There are still the usual nightmares and control issues that come with having a kid, but almost all nights he goes to bed, and sleeps through the night without a problem.
Good luck and here's to a good nights sleep!

Hi, I'm Natalie and I have a 6 month old son and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I had a problem for a while with my little girl in trying to get her to go to bed. She only slept with me until she was about six months old, but when she was 18 or 19 months, she would throw a fit every night when I would try to put her to bed. I would put her down and let her cry for ten minutes or so, then let her get up for a while before trying again to get her to go to bed. This process would go back and forth for sometimes hours, until I was on the verge of losing my mind. Finally, I got to the point where I was absolutely sick of fighting with her to get her to go to bed. I put her down one night and just let her throw her tantrum until she went to sleep. I only had to do this a couple nights in a row before she started realizing I wasn't giving in to her anymore and she stopped with her tantrums. Now, when I tell her it's night-night time, she gives her goodnight kisses and gathers up her blankie and her baby doll and climbs into bed herself. She has her own room and she sleeps with a dim nightlight and the door shut. She knows that when her light is out, it's out for the night. If you don't give in to your son when he throws a fit, providing there isn't anything wrong other than he doesn't want to go to bed, then you will be doing him - and yourself - a huge favor. And don't feel bad if you have to turn the tv up to drown out his cries - if they're aren't real then there is no reason to make yourself crazy listening to him. The best thing to do is to make a clean break rather than stringing the problem out. Remember, you are the boss, not him. Don't let him manipulate you into getting his way - it will only cause problems later on. Anyway, hope this helps, and good luck.

I'd try weaning him off the video first - that alone stimulates brain activity. Maybe let him sleep in your bed for a week or two but only with books - no video (we always have soft music playing in our room and the children's rooms). Then move to reading books in his bed, lay with him for a while, rub his back, etc. and see if he'll fall asleep. It may take a few weeks but if you work slowly towards him falling asleep in his own bed after a solid nightly routine it will be a blessing in the long run! If all else fails you might look into the Ferber method of sleep training. I have heard it has amazing results but is a tough road to travel in the short run.

Good luck!

Well, I really don't think it is bad that the youngster goes to sleep with a video on. We as adults sleep that way or use a fan. But, as to the sleeping with you and your husband truly needs to stop. I have an 11 year old son that still needs to sleep in my room because my ex aloud him to sleep with us as a baby and toddler. I did not want this to happen and now I am having a hard time getting him to get into his own room. He is starting to sleep in his own room at times but, he still likes that comfort of sleeping in my room. It really is not a good idea to allow your kids to sleep with you. I feel they just get to attached and have a very hard time going out on their own as they get older. Some of us parents like the security also when we have our kids is our room. BUT, their is a price to pay as they get older. I would really try to make him sleep in his own room. You may have about three to five nights without sleep getting him to break the habit. But, you will be glad you did it in the long run. I hope you are able to talk to your husband and ask him for your help in getting him to stay in his own bed. Let your child go to sleep with the T.V. on and turn it off when he is asleep. I am a fan sleeper and my kids are that way. That is a bad habit also. But, it drowns out the noise and helps everyone stay asleep. My kids are 25, 23, 22, and 11. My older kids never did this at all so, I know the effects with and without the kids in the bed. You yourself will get more sleep after you change his habit. What he is doing is a habit and we all know habits are made to be broken. Good Luck in all that you do. Stay a good loving and caring mother as you sound like.

I made the same mistake with my first. The only thing that worked was to warn him about 30 minutes before bed and have a routine that you do like a bath read a book turn on some classical music and put him to bed. It won't be easy at first for a while but put him down and if he gets up just keep putting him back in. You might lose some sleep at first but not as much as you will the bigger he gets ;)

OMG I feel your pain! We did the same thing with our first baby and he slept with us until he was 2 1/2 almost 3! WAY TO LONG! We finally started making a big deal about his wonderful bed and how big boys (like his friend Owen and Little Bill) would sleep in their own bed. We also read several stories and said prayers from his bedside. BIG BIG hugs are more important now than ever... It was really hard to give big hugs while he is laying down, but in my opinion, they need to know they are loved and not being "pushed out".

We now have a 4 month old and she sleeps in her own "co-sleeper" in our room all night long! I never knew what it was to "sleep thru the night" until now! It's awesome! Again I know the transition from our room to hers is going to be a tough one but I'm not ready to let that happen.

Good luck and I'm anxious to see "what works" for you .... They're all different!

Well, you know, just because you have had a sudden change of heart on how things need to be doesn't mean you can make a sudden change. It would be like the authorities coming into your home as you're getting ready for bed and telling you, "Oh, bytheway,you're no longer allowed to sleep here. Yes, we love you, but, you're now sleeping across town in your own space. Come on now, it isn't like you can't find your family if you need them, but it's time for you to be on your own." From your baby's point of view, it's kind of like that.

Give yourself some time to work it.

Some moms have suggested starting with nap time and having baby nap in his/her bed to start him/her getting used to it.

I suggest spending time in there. Read, sing, do as much as possible with him on his bed.

My husband likes to let babies, toddlers, naughty big kids, fall asleep in whatever spot (little ones in our bed or on the couch; big kids being naughty on the large bean bag in the wash room)and then carries them to their bed.

As I'm transferring my babies (toddlers) from our bed to their own bed I sit with them, sing, sing, sing...stroke the head until they fall asleep. As they're getting bigger, the rule is that they have to start in their own bed and then if they wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, they can come in and sleep ON THE FLOOR (then, of course, Daddy carries them back to bed when they're asleep--even if it's only ten minutes before they wake up for the day, they remember falling asleep in bed and waking in bed). This only lasts a short time...knowing the option is there usually ends in them not needing the access.

I think the first thing for you is to stop the video sleeping. Absolutely stop that first. Then once you get him going to sleep with another comfort source, you can change the place where he sleeps. Now, you may feel your world will just melt into a puddle if he doesn't get out of your bed tonight, so, I beg of you to choose ONE change at a time.

Your hubby isn't as committed to your transition as you are, so, if you start trying to force the location your gonna have a lot of frustration and tears--not to mention the beginnings of undermining each other in parenting.

Start with the HOW he falls asleep and the WHERE will be much easier.

That's the experience of having ten children talking. I hope that helps...most important is to be patient and give yourself time.

Hugs

lol, I used to do this all the time! Keep trying during naps, etc. and especially if your husband goes out of town. I wish mine would. Take care.

You might want to try weaning him from your bed and the video in stages. Maybe shorten the video to say 15 to 30 minutes then turn it off whether he is asleep or not, but at first let him stay in your bed. Eventually he should be able to fall asleep without the video at all as you shorten the time each night, maybe replace it with reading a story and then tucking him in. I then might try transitioning him to his bed. Still read the story or do whatever you want for a bedtime routine then tuck him in to his bed.

Good Luck with the transition. Kids can definetly be strong willed but you have to do what works for you and your family. Another option might be a mat on the floor of your room rather than your bed and you could also make sure to move him after he is asleep to his room.

Don't let him CIO, if you feel you created the problem, then don't you think it is fair to find a solution that doesn't involve "punishing" him? Him getting to watch a video your room isn't why he wants to stay in there, it's cause he likes the comfort of mommy and daddy, I mean why is it ok for mommy and daddy to want to sleep together but not baby? And why must baby fit into mommy and daddy's schedule? I am sorry I am ranting but this is one of those topics that just rubs me the wrong way!

Get the "no cry sleep solution" as mentioned, it takes a little more time from the parents but it does work and with less hurt on the little ones side. Good luck.

I am a co-sleeper and have with all 7 of mine, and still do on occasion with the last three, that might help people understand my disdain for CIO.

M.-
I had the same problem with my 4 yr old son. When he was 2, we lived in an apartment where he 'said' he was scared of his bedroom there, so for a year his daddy let him sleep in bed with us. When we moved from there, he got to paint his bedroom and help us set everything up in there, and after all of that, he still expected to sleep in bed with us, SOOOO his dad put a TV in his room so he would sleep in there and got to watch a movie every night. After awhile, I finally told his dad that if he wants to watch a movie, he needs to start it at 7, or no movie at all, because he wasn't getting enough sleep. So, if Jacob didn't want to start the movie at 7, he didn't get one, plain and simple,right? wrong. That just led to more screaming fits and such, and finally Ed (my husband) would just have to leave at bedtime because he's a total pushover when Jacob starts crying, and I can hold my own and tell him no, it's bedtime, you need to sleep in your own bed, and that's final. Now it's alot easier at bedtime, but it's still alot easier for ME to put him to bed. When I'm at work, I come home at 930-10 and Jacob will still be awake because he won't go to sleep for his dad because he's been a pushover all these years, and Jacob knows it. So, you BOTH just need to be firm and tell him no, you're not sleeping in my bed, you're sleeping in your own bed, and that's final. He will cry, and you can go and talk to him to try to calm him down, but DO NOT give in! It will get easier!

M.-we did not have the problem of sleeping in our bed or watching the video but more so the staying in bed until he falls asleep and sometimes that lasted hours! AND-I am so glad to see that other mothers make mistakes too and know that they do but need help to fix them. Hindsight is always 20/20 ;) I need a LOT of help fixing things right now that I created!!!!

Here are some thoughts......Put the glow-in-the-dark stars in his room and count the stars before he goes to bed. Come up with a bedtime routine-our is bath, snack, brush teeth, potty, story, prayers, bedtime/lights out! Is he in a crib? Try a crib tent-that worked for a friend of mine. We also got a stuff monkey (well Curious George) and he would put him to bed first and then I asked him to make sure George falls asleep.

Anyway....good luck! And sweet dreams.