My 14 Year Old Daughter

Does the school know about this? He shouldn't be allowed on campus. I really feel for you though. I dated someone my parents didn't like at all. I threatened moving out with him when I was 17. They said they'd have me picked up by the police at my job. Eventually they insisted I break up with him. I didn't want to. But when I did, I saw his true colors, and wanted nothing to do with him.

You really can't do anything. Trust me, when I was 14/15 and my mom had told me I couldn't date a guy I would have bent over backwards to do it anyways. She is at the age right now where she believes you have no idea what she feels like. Of course we all know you do, we've all been through the teenage part of life. But to her it's all new and different. What you should do instead of forbiddding her from dating him is embrace him. invite him over, include him in family gatherings, movie nights, whatever you can think of. If you make like you like hinm and are willing to give him a second chance he may just lose his appeal to her. And if she leaves him of her own accord and he continues to go after her then you have a bigger problem on your hands. Good luck.

first of all you can let the school know what is going on. And continue to be strict.mske sure you don't give any chances for them to be alone.
wow I went through almost the same and you almost have to wait till her gets broken from this guy.
take her out spend time with her help her see that if he really loved her he wouldn't treat you so badly.

Well I have a soon to be 15 year old daughter and one going on 17 and my oldest daughter is boy crazy also but for my husband and I we put my daughter on home studys and she can't go out or anything only with us The same thing that your going through I already went through but I also reported the boy to the school along with a picture and the time that he was seen at school he was picked up by the police and was told that he wasn't to be around her any more boy did he get scared and he never seen her agine She's doing great no more problems ya at first she was mad but she got over it. I hope that this will help you some.

I think that you should file a restraining order against him. He will be ordered to stay away from your family and is not to be within 100 yards from you and your family. You will need to provide a copy to the school and serve him the order yourself or you can have a deputy serve him with his parents present. I think the restraining order is free I'm not sure, but you should look into that.

Hi T.,

At 14 years old, your daughter thinks this guy is the cream of the crop. Unfortunately we mothers have been around the block a time or two and we know better. Instead of telling her he's no good, why not try letting her see him only on the weekends at your house only. My daughter also started dating when she was 14 and she had an idiot for a boyfriend. I decided that if I didn't support her at least a little bit, she'd lie to me and make up excuses to go to the mall with her friends and see this boy behind my back.

I talked with her about why boys tell you they love you at such an early age when they have no clue. She's a virgin and therefore fresh meat. No, at the time, she didn't believe me. She figured out for herself that he was stupid and dumped him. The craziness didn't stop there. She got with another idiot whose future goals were to graduate in five years. This idiot was so special though. I let her see him and could tell she was falling hard enough to give it up so I discussed birth control and told her that I didn't expect her to stay pure her whole life since these days they seem to be doing things a lot sooner than we did. Well one night after coming from his parents house, she decided to break the news to me that she was no longer pure. Was I upset? Well of course, no one wants to know their little girl is having sex. She held out with this guy for so long and then as soon as she gave in thinking "he loves me", he dumped her like a dirty diaper. She felt terrible since she had put me through the ringer for this boy and all she could say was "mom, you're so right", "I should have listened when you said that he'd do this". She did learn from her mistakes and has since decided that sex is highly overrated and she's good with waiting for the right guy to come along, in about 10 years so she says..

I can't believe you called this boy a "good kid in his own way". He is a hooligan! Plain and simple. He is telling your daughter that he loves her more then you. He's trying to control her and take her away from the people who truly do love her and can protect her.
He is a drop out, going behind your back and sneaking to see your daughter after you expressly told him not to. He threatend you saying he would do this and has followed through with it. He sounds like a real danger to you and your daugher. I would immediately get a restraining order against him and hang around outside your daughters school or have someone you can trust to keep an eye on your daughter.
In my opinion 14 or even 15 is too young to date anyway. She should be concentrating on her school and having fun with friends not tied to some boy who obviously thinks school is a waste of time.

Hi T., Im only 24, but had/have a major hand in raising my little sister who is 14 going on 20. All I can say is that the fact that she told you she's no longer a virgin, shows how much she trusts and respects you, I know my mom had no idea I was "Active" until I told her I was pregnant with my daughter. I'd suggest sitting down with both of them, setting guidelines, "allowing" him to come over for dinner and to watch movies, provided theres no sneeking around. Give your daughter the bennift of the doubt, I know seeking a restraining order might seem like a good idea to you and others, it'll only drive her further from you. You're daughter will either bore of him and move on, or he'll realize it isnt worth his time if he really has no feelings for your daughter. Set some goals for both of them, if she doesnt keep her grades up she looses time with him, If he doesnt go back to school, or work (Something constructive) then he looses time with her. Again, if he has feelings for her he'll be willing to meet you half way somewhere, Encourage your daughter to encourage him, and if he doesnt want to do any of that, even after shes asked him, point it out to your daughter, I'm sure shes a brilliant young woman and will see it herself.

First of all, you need to let the school know that a non student is entering the campus, They will kick him off if they spot him. Second she's 14 going on 21, and what ever you say will go through one ear and out the other. You can tell her not to see him, but you remeber what it was like when you where that age..
If your daughter is using myspace or chating on line, i sugest getting a program called spector pro, it will moniter the computer. Easy to install and user friendly. But put it in stealth mode! All you can do is be there for her.

Here's what my mother did...and I'll TRY to do with my own kids:

Embrace him.

You might HATE him, but your daughter obviously needs something that he is providing her...and you know that when you tell someone, especially a teenager, that they CAN'T/WILL NOT do something...they'll do it just to spite you.

So, my advice is that no matter how much you can't stand him or think that he's wrong...embrace him. Invite him over for dinner, take them both to the movies, etc...a) you're daughter might not want to be around someone who you actually "LIKE", and b) you'll be around without seeming like you're "watching them".

By all means, have rules...that's our jobs as parents; to protect our kids (from others and themselves!).

Can you ask the school for help? Did he go to the same school? Is he being "truant"?

My dad had the conversation with me about freedom when I was a teen...basically, I had all the freedom I wanted as long as I was honest and I didn't do anything that required the reins being pulled in. Could you ask your daughter in a non-accusatory way what she sees in this "gentleman"? Maybe explain to her that you want to like him, he just makes you nervous, blah blah blah...and see where she's coming from?

I wish you all the luck in the world...and I don't look forward to my kids' teen years! :)

T.,

Your obviously not a stupid woman, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AND GIVE THE SCHOOL A COPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Then get some parent daughter counciling. Find someone great and let your daughter talk in private to the councelor perhaps contacting authority's regarding the 16 yr old boy not being in school. His parents are legally responsible find out what kinda of legal action you can take against them. Getting the parents attention,(when it will cost them $$$$$$$$$$$$$)may just be part of the answer. Also you own your own business so take the daughter out of school and have her do home school for the remaining months, then make her earn your trust to have the privelegy of attending public school. Basically leave no stone unturned act agressivly. It is your daughter either get her under control or just expect to have no control at all.

i was once a rebelious teen, so maybe i can help. she may try to fight what you say just because you say it. if you tell her she cant see him, she will go out of her way to see him. maybe, if you dont hate the guy, arange something with them where he comes to your house once or twice a week for dinner and a movie. you can control the situation that way. let her think she is getting what she wants, but really you are in control, not her. then under your watchfull eye, she will learn that this guy is no good for her. good luck!

The first thing you need to do is call the school and have a firm talk with the person(s) in charge. I know most schools around here have a policy regarding individuals who DONT go their school. Also, you need to tell her you are very worried about her relationship and that is an unhealthy way. Might also want to inform her of the teenager that recently was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend. He showed up on school campus. You are doing good in not allowing her to go anywhere without you, but....Whose idea was it to start dating boys? Who says b/c she has an interest in boys she has to be dating them? Another suggestion. Allow them to date, group date. Meaning you another individual and your daughter and he. Drive them to the restaurant they chose, but sit at different tables, so they believe they are on their own date. I would be very concerned about this individual. How is he getting in contact with her? Cell phone? Home number? After school there is no harm in her coming to work with you for a couple of hours. Pay her to file, etc. Be a little more firmer in what you believe is RIGHT!