My 12-Year-old Talks Too Much

Hi C.:

You may have too much information now, but I'll add mine. My 11 year old daughter talks all the time too...or sings, or talks to herself. She has ADHD and this is how she manifests her hyperactivty. Some kids move a lot some kids verbalize.

I also notice that if she is stressed she will ask an inordinate number of questions. Questions which don't always make sense - in other words, she already knows the answer to the question - or the question can't be answered.

She is very bright as many of the other's mentioned. It used to work my nerve but now that I know she does this when she is anxious, I focus on that and help her work through her stress - it usually works!

Good luck!

Hi C.,
I wasn't able to read the rest of the responses, so perhaps this is redundant. In any case, I hope it can inspire you.
My husband is also like this, believe it or not, because he is in his 40s. What I have seen that makes a big difference is meditation. He has done walking meditation, sitting meditation, and Tai Chi, and all of them still his mind and give him space.
Meditation enables one to hear one's own thoughts and become more conscious of one's self. It is something I practice only 5 minutes a day, in the morning, and it sets a centered tone for my whole day. I cannot recommend it enough.
Another thing is for each of the family members to take a vow of silence for half a day (or a period you decide upon), once a month. On a weekend, each of you, one at a time, takes a vow not to speak for a certain time. The silent one can carry a card that says "I am taking a vow of silence." to show people in stores or in public. It is an awakening to find out what we have to say verbally and how much we can communicate and SEE ABOUT OTHERS when we are silent. I have done this over the years and found tremendous inner peace from the practice.
These are some offbeat, perhaps, suggestions which are fun and effective. Continue to love as you do!
With love,
K.

C.,

Just wanted to share a poem that I have posted in my home

A wise old owl sat in an oak
The more he heard, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard
Why can't you be like that wise old bird?

Hello C., You are raising a very intellegent son. I raised three of them, so I know the extra difficulties that can come from it. Yes your son is curious. But remember that social manners are just as important, this is why he is having trouble with his peers. He is using this method to get attention. Not a bad thing, just needs some redirecting. Give him a notebook. During movies, car rides, other peoples turns to talk, etc., have him write down his questions. He must NOT talk during these times, at least not orally. It will benifit him to redirect his thoughts onto paper. It's like hand/ eye exercises. It will be forien to him at first. Afterward, sit down with him, ask him to answer as many questions as he can himself. Make it like a dare, "I bet you that you arn't smart enough to figure that one out". Put the unanswered questions on a list to be researched at a later time. When he verbally asks questions, answer him with a question of your own. This worked so well with my oldest, who had sybling ribalry very bad. "Why is the sky blue?", me" Good question, why do you think?" It stopped her in her tracks to make her think, then she would ask "Does God chose the colors Himself? me" I don't really know, do you think He would allow anyone else to help him with His creation?. After a while she started researching things on her own just to satisfy her own cuiousity. She is 25 now, and of course chose Chemistry as her profession, because she still has a passion for researching. Remember that he is the one who will have to deal with feeling like an outcast with his peers for the rest of his life if he doesn't learn that he is not the only person who matters. Look at the stigma of the nerdy geeks. Lectures won't work, because this is working for him. When he is no longer receiving undivided attention for the behavior he will look for a new way to get it. My daughter started talking very early. When she was 21 months old our dog died. She asked me "Mommy, why can Sasha go to heaven and see Jesus, but I can't?". Try explaining THAT to a one year old. LOL. Good luck, hope this works for you also. S.

I would enjoy it while you can. Although it is polite to let a person finish a story. Instead of needing a break - find a speech or debate class he can take. Try your local home school associations. My daughter is a strong talker also. She is almost 18 and is considered a leader among her peers. Find ways for him to be outspoken and a leader even at this young age. He can change the world with his words - it is your job to teach him how.
I have a 14 year old son - 12 is a precious age and be glad he still wants to spend time with you.
There is my little bit of advice -
G

Hi C. - I am very much like your son, and struggled for years to understand why people didn't think all my thoughts were nearly as interesting as I did... though I have to admit that I also would tune out to the others around me and just be telling the story to myself (not realizing I was still engaged with others). That was definitely unhealthy and I could recognize it afterward but had no idea how to pre-empt it. I was miserable and embarassed about it starting at a very young age.

I have found a very happy balance as an adult and wanted to share that with you. First, learning about why I am the way I am, and why others are not the same, has been REALLY helpful. I'm very analytic, after all, so understanding this "system" has really helped. I discovered the explanations through the Myers-Briggs personality tests that therapists use. You can get a good sense of it from the book, "Please Understand Me." It explained that I'm an extrovert, and extroverts process thoughts by talking through them. Introverts, however, need to think through thoughts before they can process... and when I was able to identify key people like my husband and some of my best friends as introverts then I realized (empathized) that I needed to give them time to think through things before continuing to talk, if I loved them and wanted to respect them. Sometimes I have to say, "Okay, I need to leave now so you have time to think through this" and get myself physically away so I can honor their need for silence. I also had a boss one time who understood these personality traits. He told me he loves my energy adn intelligence, and wants to get the most out of them... and asked that each time I come into his office to discuss something, to please write down my main points so we're sure to cover everything I need to discuss. That was SO helpful - it flattered my ego initially, and gave me a "process" to make sure I was heard. Worked like a charm and I STILL make little lists of bullet points fo rall sorts of conversations (professional and personal). I'm guessing your son would find this book & concept fascinating!

Also, I was finally diagnosed as an adult as Obcessive-Compulsive, and am taking some medication to help slow down my thoughts. I wouldn't suggest meds for a child, but as an adult they have REALLY helped me channel all my energy and thoughts into a very successful career and really healthy relationships. Again, though, your son might find researching these types of conditions interesting if he loves to learn about things as much as I do. I, obcessively, spent days reading all about OCD and figuring out where I sit on the spectrum (mild) ;-)

In the end, it's who your son is and when he can find the right channels for his energy he can also be incredibly successful and happy in his life! Don't lose hope, or let him lose hope - it's a waste of energy!

Hi C.,
I noticed this is an older post but I just got it today. Lots of great comments. I'd like to offer something a little different. Have you had him evaluated for advanced services at school? It's great that you are teaching him manners, he also may need advanced work as well. He has several traits of kids in these programs. I have one child in advanced classes and your son sounds so much like many of her friends. There are lots of great books at the library about kids like these. Maybe you could check out some and just see if it sounds like your child. If he needs advanced services, it doesn't hurt to check for your other son as well. It seems to be common in siblings and they don't act the same at all sometimes. For a great website with tons of info I recommend: www.hoagiesgifted.org.
You can e-mail me with any questions.
Take care.

Your son sounds EXACTLY like mine - who is incredibly bright (high iq) but NEVER stops talking. He's very engaging and all the other adults love him (as do I), but he drains the life out of me on a daily basis. Mine has been diagnosed with ADHD...and that's a major part of his problem. We are VERY frank with him...and just have to be blunt. Part of the adhd is that he doesn't take social cues very well. Some things that other kids would normally pick up on are things my son is oblivious to. Mind you, he does have the high iq (he's been tested so I'm sure of it), but the adhd has him lacking in some other areas. Maybe you want to have him tested for adhd. Our son takes medication for it and it helps him to manage his otherwise poor impulse control. We also talk about it constantly...and tell him that it's not fair for others for him to dominate the conversation and that he'll lose friends that way. He saw a psychologist for a while and she was very helpful. One thing that saved our family meal times follows:

1. He's improved, so we no longer do this...but at mealtime, we used to give each kid 3 spoons at the top of their plates (dessert spoons). For each infraction of the manners they had been taught (which for my son was OFTEN interrupting) they lost a spoon. When the 3 spoons were lost, that meant no ice cream later (which is my son's 1 vice). It has helped tremendously. You have to be prepared for the tears when he loses it, but it reminds him the next time that others have important things to say as well.

It's a blessing and a curse to have a bright/curious child. I pray for patience on a daily basis. I'm introverted and LOVE quiet. I think it's God's joke to give me a son like mine...but he does widen my horizons!

Hi C.,

I was always told I talk too much. I got "talks incessantly" on every report card. Thank heavens! My job now, as a nurse who has founded an organization to bring about social change, I have to talk all the time. Sometimes I wish I didn't, but I'm really good at responding. My long-time friend, Dr. Dean Edell, had the same problem as a child. He's now a medical talk-show host, and talks for a liviing! So, we don't know yet what your son came into the world to do, but talking is his gift. It's going to be interesting to see how he uses it. Most importantly, please support his talkativeness. I wish I'd been supported in those early days and am often left to feel like I should have kept my mouth shut, even though I'm spear-heading a social movement that benefits because I keep talking. I hope your boy keeps talking because, one day, he'll stumble upon the things he's supposed to discuss and champion, and he'll be ready! Best wishes...

I am so glad to hear someone else has the same issue. I'm glad mine is bright and curious, but somedays, I just want to finish one thought of my own. Thanks for asking the question, I'm really anxious to read all the suggestions, and I got a good laugh out of it, not at your difficulties but just at how much my son fits this description.

I just received this post today, also. I agree with another April 5th poster - your son sounds as if he's quite capable of accelerated classes. I shy away from saying 'gifted', because all of our children have gifts. I remember asking a question in response to my son's questions. We sent him to Illinois Math and Science Academy in Aurora...or he 'sent' himself...LOL. My response would be "What do you think a good answer would be" ....or "No, son, I don't really know....tell me".....For questions you don't know the answer to, which is zillions of questions, really, the idea of writing them down is excellent. Try, also, to carry a really good dictionary with you in the car and have at least one, maybe two, in the house. Some questions can be answered by responding...."let's check the dictionary". Better than the internet, sometimes, because it gives your son a chance to bring the book to where you are and look it up to discuss (when you have time). It also slows down the process a little ..he can certainly use the internet, but the skill of researching, using books, is a good one to have. Sign him up for extra classes in the summer or after school, science or engineering or whatever is his interest, graphic design, web design, foreign language....he sounds like a great kid.

C.,

I know you posted a month ago, but after recognizing my own daughter in the description of your son I had to write. My daughter is eight and has been chattering endlessly since she started talking. It can be very difficult to have a thought in your own head when your child is talking everyone of theirs at you. I often joke with her "slow down, my head hurts!" My daughter is extremely loving and empathetic of others feelings, but she also was not able to recognize that she was having difficulty maintaining friendships because she was so intense that she could be off-putting. She also had difficulty recognizing personal space. We did go to therapy for a while and that helped a little. Ironically, one of the best friends she has is even more talkative then her and she has told me that sometimes other kids in the class are mean to her friend be she "thinks out loud"! She is beginning to develop more insight into her behavior and how others perceive it. There may be traits of ADD or Aspergers but, she is who she is and we love her for her unique qualities.

I have another daughter 21 months younger than my chatterbox and I remember one day when my younger daughter was about 18 months old we were driving in the car my baby started to say something and her big sister exclaimed "mommy our baby talks!" (the baby had been talking for sometime, but her big sister had never noticed before because she was always talking herself) Another time when the girls were about 3 and 5 the little one got exasperated because she couldn't get a word in edgewise and exclaimed to her sister "you're a chattering hog monkey!" I not sure what a "chattering hog monkey" is, but, it certainly painted a picture of what she thought! Of course, we talked to her about not calling people names but, I guess the point is others will begin to let your child know either by avoiding relationships with him or simply telling him to give it a break. You can use these opportunities to help him get some insight into how others perceive him. He'll probably always be passionate, interested, curious (nothing wrong with those traits) Think of some of the most famous people we know, but, if his behavior truly affects him socially you might want to get some professional advice before he actually gets so inhibited that he turns away from others.

Best Wishes
J. L.

Our 6 year old son talks constantly. The teachers complained about it so much we took him in to be evaluated at OHSU (the Child Development and Rehabilitation Clinic which deals with ADD and lots of other stuff). The report was Non-Verbal Learning Disorder with a very high verbal IQ (not Aspergers and ADHD which had both been suggested). Mostly we look at this just as who he is (and it's somewhat easier with an only child), but it can be exhausting. I've explained that because I'm an introvert--I sometimes need quiet time to feel friendly. I don't really have helpful advice, but know you're not the only one out there! Good luck.

I don't know how I missed this he first time around. Your son sounds like he's "attention defisit.disorder. My son yaked and yaked like that. He wasn't able to keep his mind on one thing and went on and on like the everready bunny. He did need medication to settle him down. Hyperthyroid can cause this also. He may also be playing it up to drive you crazy at his age. Good luck with whatever it is mommy.

Hi C.! You could be talking about my 12 year old son!! He never stops talking either, or singing, or humming...he just can't be quiet! He is extrememly intelligent and does work several years above his grade level in school. The only complaint his teachers have is half the time he'll start talking about a subject and they can't get him to stop! His teachers have admitted he usually knows more than they do! He has trouble making friends but I think it's mostly because they have such different interests. There aren't too many 12 year olds interested in genealogy!! My recommendation is keep feeding your son's curiousity. Provide lots of books and involve him in extra-curricular activities. My son is in band, scouts, karate and confirmation and loves it all! I totally understand your frustration and cringe at the thought of our 2 hour road trip next week, but I'll bring some good cd's so we can sing together! (in between his interruptions!)
In a few years they may not have anything to say to mom or dad and then they'll be going away to college, and then we'll probably miss it! (maybe a little!) Good luck!

Hi,

I know a few children much like your son. They usually have a harder time in school because they are so smart and need attention. Which generally makes it harder for the teacher. A girl I know constantly corrected the teacher. My first response to you is to make sure that he is placed in the proper learning enviroment. With that kind of intelligence he will need to balance it out with the emotional quotient required to restrain outbursts.
The second is to find him a great therapist md. that will give him a safe base. The therapist should have lots of experience with families as a whole so that a holistic approach can be used. Believe it or not his behavior postive or negative colors your other sons life.
Whats unique about your situation is that you say he is 12 , usually these types of super intelligent children start having the "talking" issues and behavior challenges around 2 nd grade. If you look back you may see a pattern.( check the teacher comments) He will probably need to harness his intelligence and be in a learning enviroment that can go as fast as his mind but is also geared toward his maturity level. The therapist will test him on his psychoeducational/ emotional scale to find what his true strengths are and nurture those.
The helpful tips with allowing him to monitor himself may be a bit mature for him. The kids with these gifted behaviors tend to need to wait on the maturity end. It's kind of like the intelligence quotient skyrocketed early without the emotional quotient to handle it. So don't get frustrated. The onset of puberty with hormones can also enhance the behaviors. This is a process and you sound in tuned with nurturing your son through this time.
I hope this helps.

I am so sorry I did not see you r request earlier.I have a daughter exactly like that wow at least now I know I am not the only one. I thought my daughter might be like that due to the fact that she was a only child but I am convinced that even if my husband and I had more children Abby would still be the same way.I Love it but then again I do not have other children and we are able to devote all of our time to her and because of that she does feel as though all conversation should revole around her.She is younger than your son and we have taken measures to work on her intrupting but other than that we do not put any limits on the talking.
Many Blessing
J.
Mom and full time doula @ A Better Birth Way Doula's

Wow that sounds so much like my son. I was also a big "talker" when I was little. My grandmother used to bribe me in the car to stop talking when I'd go visit her. I also remember my father would say "I don't know, why don't you look it up?" when I'd interrupt him asking things like "how do they make glass" and he'd send me off to look it up in the encyclopedia. I still love researching and that actually sort of drives my husband nuts because I can get a little obsessed with new interests and wanting to know every detail about it.

At times I worry about my son because he will get really obsessed with a particular interest or toy, such as Pokemon, and want to talk about it constantly. He's not quite 5 years old so it will be interesting to see where this goes. He doesn't have some of the other signs of Aspergers but I'm not really familiar with that. He can be really quiet if he's interested in something such as artwork. When he's in Sunday school, they have to give him his snack first because he doesn't want to stop in the middle of coloring his picture to eat.

Also, sometimes he'll play sort of inside his head. . .like he'll be in the car and moving his hands pretending to have a conversation with his hands. When he was really young one time in the car he was playing some game with the shoe laces on his shoe and we offered to get him a coloring book or toy and he refused; he was happy to just keep playing with his laces. At the time my husband and I talked about it wondering if this was a sign of very high, or very low intelligence! We're still not sure but he's doing really well in preschool.

I hope you're able to find some good outlets for him. One other thing I notice with my son is that if I'm reading a book or doing an email. . . and he wants my attention, he has a REALLY hard time waiting for me to finish and will sit there making this little groaning noise. . .and saying "it's taking TOOO LONG!!"

I guess I need to start paying more attention to his ways and decide if it's OK or not. I have been very successful as a software tester because it lets me use a lot of that "what if" energy to try different things. I also think that I would have done really well in research. We do need people with curiosity in a lot of rolls in life. But of course they do need to be able to control the talking and listen too!

12 years old, that is when the hormones start kicking in. It is a confusing time between am I still a kid or am I growing up. It sounds a little bit like a combination of two issues.
I think he lacks a little self control and has no filter, what he thinks, he says. On the other hand there may be a lot of insecurities. Maybe you are already doing this. My suggestion is for your husband to take him out once a week for an hour and just have boy time. Let him choose what to do. It could be playing basketball for an hour, bike riding, going to the movies, or Mc Donalds. It doesn't have to be all talk time. Just hang out time is good. It would be interesting to see if it gets better.
I think you did all the right things by reminding him to be quiet, to wait his turn, not to interrupt etc. I agree with you, the 8 y/o needs to feel safe too. He needs to feel he can finish his sentence before his big brother takes over again. Otherwise the 8 year old will resent his older brother and his parents because they are not protective of him.
There are always so many dynamics going on. Praying to God helps me a lot. Asking God to help me understand their needs and what I can do or share with them that would help them.
You are a great mom! Don't give up.
Sabine H.

I have a son that is just like that! He is 11 years old and really irritates me in the same way. Other than the continue talking, asking questions, he mumbles. I am not my best in the morning and he knows this, but he picks the mornings to ask me the most complex, serious or contraversial questions! He is the middle child and the oldest boy. I have a daughter that is 12, and 5 1/2 year old boy. I think the problem is attention. He likes to play by himself alot so it's not that he needs to be the center of attention, he needs to be in my attention radar! When I only spend CONSISTANT time with him, the problem is gone. It has to be positive and consistant. We spend too much time correcting this behavior, thus it is expected. Your son sounds like a wonderful boy, just like mine, I wouldn't change that sparkle in his personality for anything in the world. But I do think that the constant correction of his behavior is only giving him negative attention. I am no Doctor, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out these are good boys with to much going on in their heads. Be patient with him, really look at him with interest. He may not feel the need to constanly be asking you question to engage in conversation with you or to get you to listen to him.
Good luck and let me know if you it works!

H.

The only advice I have is to make sure your 8 year old gets some undivided attention from Mom and Dad. It would be easy for him to get lost in all the chatter.

I would suggest having a quiet time at your house each evening. Even a 15 minute break would help you. He can learn to be quiet maybe not as quiet as you'd like but quiet for him.

As long as he talks, he is the center of attention. And that can be a neverending thing in his life if he doesn't get the help he needs to stop and listen to others.
Good luck and he will grow up and you will laugh about this someday. It will be when he has a kid who does it. Its called paretal revenge.

Hi C.,

I just read your request and all the responses. Please check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
One other idea, if a therapist doesn't suggest it, might be to set up a video camera on a tripod in your home and capture some of his behaviors. Later, play the tape back to him so he can see how he might appear to others. This might give him unique insight and perspective into his own behaviors, personality traits, etc.--the good, the "need work", and the in between. It might allow him, for the first time, to step outside of his own "skin" and take an objective look at himself. This information could be a reference point/base line for him, your family, and the therapist to use as a guide. Have you thought of encouraging him to be a puppeteer? Take drama in school or get involved in community acting classes? The beauty of acting classes is that he would have to wait to say his lines and learn to say them on cue--especially with a theatre production. I wonder if they have "Toastmasters" groups for kids? Does he ever tutor other kids? I feel that some sort of community service, where he is not the focus, especially with kids or even a combination of ages might be beneficial for him. Also, consider getting him involved in group therapy with kids like him led by a very skilled, compassionate therapist to learn the essential social cues and nuances needed for all personal communication. One more thing--consider consulting a certified biofeedback therapist. They are trained to teach a person how to recognize their own physiological cues and respond to them appropriately (for decreasing anxiety, lowering blood pressure, etc.) This could teach him, for example, that maybe he interrupts because he is afraid someone will have the answer before he does; or he could learn to recognize his internal "anxiety signals" and learn breathing techniques to address them before he blurts out. Perhaps your health insurance might even pay for therapy/biofeedback if things are worded correctly in the reports from the medical professionals. Good luck!
jenifer

I have lots of experience with children like this. As a high school teacher at a small, private high school that works with highly intelligent children this was one of our biggest challenges with students in class. We had many students enter our ninth grade class that had no verbal filter. They just said whatever they thought, when they thought it. As a teacher trying to conduct a class this was a very big part of my day. Your son sounds exactly like the students I have dealt with at school. The good news is now that some of the most challenging students have graduate they learned the skills to participate in college class respectfully and have become a part of the social scene without resorting to some of their more annoying social habits. This did not change over night for them. We worked very hard with them in class and in social settings. Your son is younger than our students were and may not be suffering the social problems that many of our kids were dealing with. One thing that works very well with kids your son's age is what we call the pen trick. We would give a kid who was verbally dominant in class (never letting any else have a conversation) a certain number of markers (pencils or whatever). The number of markers depended on the length of the class discussion (usually 3 for a 30 minute period). Every time the kid contributed or ask a question they would have to give me one marker. When they were out of markers they just had to listen. After a couple of times of using all their markers in the first 2 minutes they learned to pace themselves. I have used this technique with kids as old as 18 and it always works. I am glad I have had this experience at school because I now have a 5 year old that is the exact same way. Hopefully we can work on this now instead of in high school.

This summer may I suggest you have your child and you look back at the questions and use this as a communication tool.

Maybe you will get a idea for a vactoin or and use this as a way to do hobbies together.
Like if asked how a building is built maybe you could get books on this,go to a building site after you get permission to, or and explore websites,like a site where you can design a house on it.

Also ask the child why he/she asks them.

It maybe away to get attention,
away to say something is wrong
away to say the child is advanced for the childs school level.
away to say they child has a hearing,memory or other problem.

Once I read all your letter to the end in one shot and not parts then answer then go part to another part a light went off in my head.
I have a person i love that does this the doctors but the child on medicne to slow the heart at night.
this childs heart goes so fast the child can not slow down.

But also it sounds like your child wants the attention your other son gets.
Reassure him both are equal and both have your attention and Dads

But also I hate to say this but maybe the child has some form of Autism like several people I know with the same sytems.
Oh the child could be overly smart and have to active a brain and Autism.

Ask a child doctor please.

And relize that he asks question maybe because he does not remember.
Good luck.
D.

Wow, our sons sound like twins! Mine just turned 13 and is the oldest of 6 children and the same responses that you mention are what we use. We try hard to stop him when he interrupts the other children so they can finish telling their story. In addition, when he has been talking a lot and we're together as a family sometimes we tell him that he has to wait to talk till everyone in the room has talked and shared their comments. I think that often this occurs with bright kids as their brains are constantly running. I can totally relate to the "stream of consciousness" talking. I try to answer back with a question like," why do you think the store could have closed?" or " What ARE reasons that police could have pulled over that car?" Good luck! Remember soon we will probably miss our incessant talkers as they won't be around forever.

My 19 year old son was like that...always had SO much to say; got along with adults (who loved him) sometimes a bit better than his peers; but always had such good friends anyway....he wasn't inappropriate as far as mowing over conversations; but was opinionated and VERY talkative very much of the time. We LONG for those days now, because he is away at college and I get curt replies to my emails; three word text messages (I love you to; woops, four) because he is busy and involved with fraternities and a job and a dorm credit job. He was SUCH a chatterbox; like your son, and I have two other children....and as wearing as it could be at times, he definitly grew out of it and is a very accomplished young man.
I know it doesn't help you now, but it may change!

Good luck, I have a 19 year old special needs son who "talks incessantly". What my husband and I do is tell him periodically that we need a "time out", that we just cant take any more in.
Here is an amusing story, when our son was younger , maybe around your sons age we were on a plane trip. My son kept asking my husband questions like Where are we going? What if the plane crashes? How do we get out of the plane? , etc. The guys in front of us requested to be moved because they said our son "was talking too much and it annoyed them".
I will think some more on your dilemna and see if I can think of some other solutions.
M. Briggs

You don't know how wonderful it was for me to read your post and the responses you got. It was like I wrote the post. And to top it off we have a parent/teacher conference today to discuss just this thing so the timing was perfect! I read some of the information and hope you will to. Good luck w/ your little talker!

It sounds like your son may be on a different level of intelligence then other kids his age. Maybe he's in a stage where he needs constant stimulation. I once was on the plane for a long trip across country with a dad and his little boy around 7 or 8. The little boy had question after question and I was so impressed with his dad. He seemed so engaged with his son and answered all of his questions with real, honest answers. I have a toddler who is just starting to talk. I will soon be able to relate to everything you're saying! :)
Good luck to you!
J.

Your son sounds like a child who might display symptoms of Aspberger's Syndrome. I am involved with the Autistic community and there are soooooo many bright and intelligent children (boys) like your son who display the same type of characteristics - ask lots of questions, love math and science oriented fields and have difficulty interacting with their peers because of the lack of similiar interests. Check with your son's school psychologist or a pediatric Neurologist.

Good Luck,
J O'

My son is the same way. He will go on and on even when you show you are not interested. It doesn' phase him. He has adhd and aspergers syndrome. One of the signs of aspergers is lack of understanding when others are not interested in your conversation. I have been really sick for the past couple of days and my son came in the room to talk about his computer. I told him please tell me later I have a bad headache, he went on and on and didn't realize anything at all. My son has a hard time making friends because he has nothing in common with children his age. This does not mean that your son has this though. I think it's great that he asks alot questions, he might just be a real curious child. He would make a great lawyer. he does have to learn not to interrupt others though. Try taking away his favorite thing when he does this again. Keep doing that, never send him to his room because that is probably his favorite place. If it doesn't work, try something else. Your last alternative would be to have him checked out by a psychologist. Remember, never put your child on meds if he does have aspergers. There are alternatives. good Luck

Hi C., I see you posted this a month ago so you may not be interested in more responses but I just had to write because my son is EXACTLY like that - he's now 14. He's extremely bright - brilliant - and talks endlessly. I say the same thing - everyone else always compliments us about how amazing he is - after spending an hour talking with/listening to him and can't understand when I say how difficult it is to actually live with him, since he never turns it off! My son also has other issues, and goes through periods of being in therapy and his therapist at one point suggested he shows some signs of ausperger's syndrome - I'd always wondered why no one else had ever suggested that because he has ALL the symptoms. He goes to a well-regarded private school and no one there had ever suggested it before - I think they're hesitant to label him as such - but somehow it's helped me to understand why he acts the way he does. It's behavior that's not going to change. It's like asking someone who's allergic to stop being allergic - they can't.

You mentioned the educational shows and science - does your son show any other signs of hyper-intelligence like this? It's just a thought - I'm happy to correspond with you more about it!

please don't discourage him from talking!!!! Be so thankful that he wants you involved,my son is only 7, so I assume I'll be goimg through the same thing someday, but I think talking to him and setting some rules will be the best thing

Both of my kids, 1 girl and 1 boy, did that. I think they are just working there way to learning about the world. Sometimes I just had to say "Be quiet for a bit!". I am also famous for telling them to 'use your resources'. Meaning, look it up in the book the school gave you, or get on the internet and find it. That answers the questions, gives them more info than I could have, and teaches them to research, which will help the rest of their lives. One last thing~Enjoy it now because they will be gone soon and then your home will be very quiet!

Sounds like your son has a high IQ. I too was a little like that when I was younger. (still am sometimes) My mom said I started trying to talk at about 3 months and never stopped. I say funnel it into something positive like a debate team. There he will be trained how to stop and listen then respond. Hey, my mom and relatives used to try and pay me $5 to be quiet for a certain amount of time. Um it never worked. :) He probably wont grow out of it but I bet he is VERY entertaining! As he gets older he will learn to listen more but will probably still be a talker. For now, be glad he wants to learn stuff and give him ALOT to read quietly.... :)

I was just trolling the internet for the same issue with my 9 going on 10 year old son. He was always a talker, but it's gotten way worse in the last year since he's been in 4th grade. His sister is turning 7 and she is more shy and they have a strong relationship. However, he drives me crazy with the constant talking about every little thing and talking to anyone that will listen to him. When people don't want to talk anymore, he doesn't notice and just moves his body to the front of them or talks faster. My father avoids road trips with my son - they took one for only an hour and my father came back looking like he had ran 50 miles. My brother in law avoids having him over for the night because it's exhausting. My father and brother in law didn't tell me this directly - but it's pretty obvious that is why. I've tried talking to my son and pointing out that he needs to watch their body language, but it doesn't help. He's always been afraid of the dark, worries about every little thing and talks non-stop. He has lots of friends, but I noticed as they're starting to mature they're not as hyper and I'm afraid if my son doesn't get a grip on this he will have issues with friendships as well. The odd thing is that I get compliments from everyone that he's the most polite and friendly kid - just like you said because he will ask them how are they doing and remember every little thing about them - like Mother's Day, "Sorry, it must be hard for you since you lost your mom last year"...he remembers all of that - but for us at home, it's exhausting. I also worry about taking him with me for lunches or dinners with friends or family, because he gets so excited to have an audience that no one can get a word in and he talks fast - he will ask a million questions about random things or talk to my best friend about football who has told him she doesn't care for football, so he proceeds to educate her. I worry about him keeping friends and that I'm squishing his feelings/personality by getting annoyed with him and not sure how to help him control this behavior and trust me, I've seen the look on his face when I told him about his uncle and why he keeps asking him to stay the night and he keeps putting it off - he was crushed and went to his room and was teary eyed. I just don't know what to do for him - I'm thinking about making an appointment with his ped to discuss this issue without him first and then go from there. Hang in there - I feel your pain, but the biggest thing is their emotional well being is JUST as important if not more than the social part.

Oh my god are you telling me they still do this at 12?! (running away screaming) LOL. My son is the same, Mythbusters and all! My mother in law is the same way, I just figured it skips a generation or something. I wrote this to another person. Everytime I had to give him more then 3 warrings he has to give me a toy. The same goes for interupting people. At the end of the week I look back and see if he did more good then bad, and I would give him back a toy. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Worse case, I think we should get our kids together and let them talk each others ears off. I always wanted to go to hawaii! Good luck!

Oh, my, I just had to laugh when I read your request, because "I live on that street!" I refer to my 13 yr old daughter. My husband has reminded her many times that she doesn't have to verbalize every thought that pops into her head.
One idea..It has helped a lot for her to keep pad and paper around to write things down... things she can ask me later, things she can look up in the encyclopedia, etc, etc. Funny thing is, I remember talking constantly as a child, so I understand. My dad says I talked from So Cal to Washington in our VW van, and I know it's true, b/c I remember! (poor mom and dad!)I'll be praying you and your hubby come up with some fresh new ideas that are good and healthy for all of you! I'm sure your mama-friends will have lots of other good ideas that will not break his spirit, but help channel it as he grows into vey wise young man. I am so grateful that my parents never were mean about it.
L.
ps, We've got the dogs & turtles, but I am so jealous that you have hens! My city doesn't allow them and my neighbors won't look the other way. Lucky for you!

I know how you feel ~ my oldest daughter, 6 yrs, does not stop talking ~ EVER... unless she is sleeping. If she is not talking she is humming or singing, even while she is eating. I keep hoping it is a faze she'll grow out of, haha. I do love her curiosity but I understand how sometimes you want some quiet time ~ like the driving issue, I try to explain how she needs to be quieter in the car for safety issues also, sometimes it wokrs. I will leave you with this, when I was a teen my friend used to say "If it's too loud you are too old" It was until just recently that I figured out what that meant :) good luck, just know you are not alone :)

I have a few friends in your situation. They had a few months of therapy, no meds. It may be similar to what they have. A vague case of ADHD. The therapy will help them stay focused. You can ask your Dr. Before I knew my 12 yr old nephew had this slight issue, I used to try to bribe him with $5 to be quiet for 2 minutes and his lips would burst and he would blurt out, I would rather talk. He couldn't keep in his thoughts. He went to 4 mo of therapy and is still hyper but not as bad and can stay focused now and not talk so much. Good luck!

I guess the 8-yr old can't really get a word in edgewise! It seems the 12-yr-old hasn't really learned the value of listening. This would explain his having trouble connecting with other kids. Does he care about the feelings of others? Does he care about what is important to other people, what other people are interested in? Sounds like he is very bright, bright enough to study social behavior and/or psychology. Check out some books on inter-personal relationships and stuff like that. If he continues having no interest in what others feel, he should see a therapist.

I feel your pain. I have been dealing with this same issue and have done all of the things you've done to a T. My daughter, who is now 14, has been this way for the last 2/3 years. I thought as she entered her teens, she would talk to me less, but I was wrong. It is very concerning that she monopolizes any moment I have whether I am busy or not and just talk at me. In the car, while I'm cooking, when I'm trying to work, if I try to close my door just to have a quiet moment alone. It seems she will asks questions I cannot answer and just say random things to keep the conversation going. It's frustrating and annoying especially when I've given my undivided attention for hours on end and it's still not enough. My therapist calls her behavior "badgering". She has a good heart, gets good grades and seems to know when to be quiet in school, but she seems to have some issues that we are still trying to get to the bottom of. Her relentless talking and "need to know" attitude drives me nuts!