My 11 Year Old Son's Clinical Depression.

Hey J.,

I am a family therapist and have treated several situations like yours. The medications for ADHD are known to cause ticks and at times emotional outburst. In all acutuality the medication maybe doing more harm then good. It might be a good idea to get a second opinion about the medication. Also his counselor is absolutely right about holding him accountable for his actions. I think that you need to get him involved with something that he is good at doing to help build his self esteem. Even if he is reluctant at first he will soon start enjoying it when he sees that this is something that he is good at and he can see his accomplishments. One way that you can handle the crying is just walk away and not pay him any attention when he is crying but as soon as he stops crying tend to the reason he was crying. I hope this helps. It is hard to give advice when I not know the family dynamics. Good luck...

Wow, sounds like you are dealing with a very difficult situation and what makes it the most difficult is the incredible love you have for your child. Do you talk to the counselor at all? He/she may have some insight as to how to handle the discipline issue in the best way considering his depression. I suggest making sure that you are separating his actions from the child. You are not happy with his actions/choices, but as a parent, you love him no matter what. You love him enough to set some limits, even though it hurts you to see him hurting. In life there are consequences for your choices. If you speed, you'll get a ticket. If you shoplift you will be prosecuted. Sometimes you will not be caught, just like with lying, but how sad for the child, because they will not learn the lesson early when the consequence is smaller. They will be caught as they get older and the consequences are much higher. Consequeces come as a result of his choices, not the parent's decisions. If he tries to lay the guilt trip, say,"I love you enough to set some limits." And many kids will then say, "You don't love me, etc." And your answer is, "I LOVE YOU too much to argue about that." Some of the things I am suggesting come from Jim Fay's LOVE and LOGIC. They are on the internet at loveandlogic.com. Of course, I would talk with his counselor first. He/she will be your greatest asset. Also make sure you have the opportunity to talk with the counselor/psychiatrist about how he is doing with his medication. The feedback they recieve from you is critical to making sure he is on the right medication. I have witnessed many children and adults for whom it take some time to find the right medication or combination of medications. Best of luck! Your son is very blessed to have such a loving mother. Hang in there!
P.

Hey J.,

I'm assuming that he is on a antidepressant, I've been clinically depressesd since I was 16. I was told that not all anti depressant work for every person in the beginning it is a lot of trial and error so maybe the one he is on isn't right for him or it hasn't been long enough. The lying part I think is probably just normal teenager stuff, struggling with growing up and especially feeling different like I'm sure he must be. You are doing everything right, but if he's been on his medicine over a month ask about switching

This is going to sound crazy...but try it. Take your son and stand in front of a mirror together. Set a timer for at least 30 seconds. And make believe that his favorite and your favorite hero, character, cartoon whatever just told you the funniest joke you ever heard in your life. Put on a smile so big you get crows feet and your face hurt and give the biggest belly aching side splitting I'm gonna throw up if i don't stop laughing outburst possible. Until the bell rings. if your son is resistant just start doing it yourself...for some reason seeing others act silly brings some haapiness..It's contagious. Start your day with it. Set the timer longer and longer. You may be depressed for the rest of the day...but at least for 30 seconds you'll be the happiest you ever been in your entre life...worth it.

my son was severely adhd and ocd and his counselor helped along with the meds they say at 13 they could begin outgrowing the adhd i am bipolar and i understand his depression. there isnt a whole lot more i know of to help but time and prayer. which im sure youre doing already. i wish i had a better answer just a little note of hope my son is 23 now and functioning normally without meds. youve got a few more years of bumpy roads then youll see the sun. sorry i couldnt help more. they put me on lithium for bipolar and im taking lexapro and wellbutrin for depression aklso xanax for anxiety. the combination helped me. good luck.

Hello there. I am no Doc but I know from my freinds who gose thought the same things. And I am just there as a freind so they can talk or scream or just cry to and I can tell that helps out alot. I knwo you must hear this all the time but it dose take a great deal to deal with a child with nothing wrong with them but the a child that dose it even harder on us. So just be there for your child and have many freinds to listening to you when you need help or just a break while your shild is at school. That is the only thing I can think about to help you out. Because if your child is seeing someone maybe you and our husband should talk with someone too or the whole family should. Maybe things wont be so hard on you guys. I know I have tolal respect for people have to deal with more then one thing wrong with there own child. So if you ever want to chat I am here for you because as the old saying gose "we need to stick together" and I am so for that saying. I hope things will work out with you guys and peace comes into your family. Take care

Hi J., I really like the advice about the mirror that the lady suggested.. just laughing in the mirror.. Also I wanted to know what does your son really enjoy?? What does he get excited over? If nothing comes to mind.. how bout some different after school activities.. tae kwon do or anything. Hope something works for you! Good luck. L.

Do you go to church? It sounds like your family could really use some prayer support. If you don't want to go to a church, but would like prayer, you could find prayer groups - even prayer groups for moms specifically - by doing a Google search, I'm sure. There's a group called "Mom's in Touch" and they get together and pray once a week. I will pray for you definitely. God bless you.

I am going through something similar with my stepson - DH has custody and BM is currently having supervised visitation with SS and SD. SS is only 5 and has shown a very violent streak as well as extreme sensitivity. Both children are in counseling and the counselor has talked about both children learning to be responsible for their own actions. Both children would lie and hide food as well as taking stuff that did not belong to them and destroying things. Everyone was saying it was because they wanted more attention. The counselor and I feel they do not know how to express their anger towards their mom - she cancels visitation and always blames others for her not being able to do what she is supposed to. Recently, the 5 year old SS has displayed a violent streak toward my 10 month old daughter. When asked why he was found on top of her pushing on her chest his response was "killing the baby". The counselor is concerned that there be a split personality developing. My SS refers to himself as the "good" and the "bad". Now though he is trying to use "the bad" is coming to try to get out of doing what he is told to do. The counselor has told us to be consistent with our expectations and that the kids have to learn responsiblity for their actions. We talk to them about why they need chores - to help them learn how to do these things as they will have to one day.

I am not sure how I would react if my SS responded that he was a horrible kid as he tries to blame everyone else for what he does. I am not sure what else you could do other than reassure him that he is not a horrible kid that he just needs to understand that he is the one that controls his behavior and that your job is to help him learn how but he has to help you do that. I am sure your situation is very frustrating and I hope that you are getting some counseling as well.

i really cant be the one to give advice on this...i have a 7 year old the same way.been to doctor after doctor..taken meds after meds and all they can tell me is that he has bi-polar...if you hear anything new please let me know and i will do the same...good luck!!!!

Hi J.,
I have 3 children, all of whom nave been diagnosed either ADD or ADHD. My son, the middle of the 3, used to bang his head when he decided he was "bad". Thankfully he has overcome that and hasn't experienced that in years. In the research I have done, I have found that there are certain environmental factors that can trigger increased symptoms. These include: caffeine, sugar (including high fructose corn syrup), some food dyes (my nephew is highly allergic to red dye in foods) television and video games, and an irregular schedule for one or both of the parents. We have switched them all to caffeine free, and sugar free (like Splenda) foods, as well as removing video games (except on long car trips) and television, and implemented strict bedtimes and consistent wake up routines. Here's what I have found. In the face of boredom, my children play more board games, play outside more, and have started writing and choreographing dance together to their favorite music! They are healthier and more sensitive to each other's needs, because they have to work together to have any fun. They can no longer count on the TV or video game for their satisfaction. In this they have greater respect and patience for each other. My husband still has an irregular schedule because he has returned to college to finish a degree. Because of this he makes "dates" with the kids to go golfing, bowling, fishing, etc, one on one. They really only get about 1 each a month, but that makes a difference! They appreciate the extra time and the one on one interaction. They really look forward to them. I also loved the stand in front of the mirror response! Best wishes and blessings to you and your family.
Jenn

Hi J.;

I know that this may sound a little strange but hear me out. Have you ever tried a chiropractor? If you live in the North Raleigh area, I strongly recommend that you go to Team Chiropractic Care on Millbrook. Here is their website http://www.teamchiro.com/ and their phone number is ###-###-####. They are great and will see you on your first visit (in most cases) for less than what your insurance deductible is. You can tell them that S. Cougler referred you so if there is any monthly special (sometimes it is $18 for first visit, xrays, and consult). Now on to the point.

There is research on children with ADHD and chiropractic care that shows children who have adjustments can be improved to the point that they don't need to have the medication. I was so amazed with the details behind chiropractic care and what it all effects in our systems. For $18 - $40, it wouldn't hurt to look into it. Please let me know if you have any further questions that I can help you with.

Consider residential treatment. Although he's young, his issues are complex. A time apart (and I'm sure you could visit) might do all of you a lot of good. And with a more neutral staff to respond to his needs, it might become clearer which of his behaviors (like lying) are psychiatric symptoms and which are things he thinks he can get by with because you treat him so carefully. I've never heard of lying as a symptom of depression. Aside from the rest you might get if he were away awhile, your other 3 children would doubtless benefit from having more of an energized you.

HI J.,
MY NAME IS T..FIRST OF ALL LET ME TELL YOU THAT I ALWAYS TYPE IN ALL CAPS. I HAVE A NERVE DISORDER AND IT'S JUST EASIER FOR ME TO TYPE THAT WAY,I AM NOT YELLING!NOW,WITH THAT SAID.I AM A MOTHER OF A 7 YEAR OLD SON THAT IS GOING THRU THE SAME THINGS EXCEPT HE HAS NOT BEEN ON ANY MEDICATION!SO I AM REALLY INTERESTED IN HEARING WHAT YOUR RESPONSES WILL BE.IF YOU DON'T MIND WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME KNOW?MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS ____@____.com.THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CAUSE I KNOW EXACTLY HOW HARD IT IS TO DEAL WITH!MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU ALL!T.