Hi C.!
My stepdaughter had similar emotions at age 10. I think it was definitely about "owning" some of her life. She too, had 2 households to live in a week at a time back then.
I ended up taking her out to lunch one day, and asking her if she was truly happy in her life. If she could change ANYTHING what would it be. She said, "no offense, but I would really like my parents to be married again"......
She said that she understands why they are not married, and she really likes me and her stepdad, but life was soooo much easier for her when they were married.
Truthfully, I understood. How brave of her to tell me the truth.......... How could I make her life easier? I told her dad, then he and his Ex talked (the Ex and I didn't get along AT ALL back then, so I couldn't call her). We all decided to rearrange our "kid week" schedules a bit to eliminate so much change each time the kids switched houses.
My husband was a comuter at the time, so I did all the transportation (sports) for my stepson after school, whether he was at our house, or his moms. This way we had more consistency. For my stepdaughter, she liked to walk home with her friends, which was across the street from mom's house.... so we let her. She was allowed to go to her mom's every single day, have snack, then get picked up from there. That lasted for about 1 1/2 years, and really made her happy. All she wanted was for things to get "back to normal".....What kid doesn't? Her dad and I had been together 3 1/2 years at that point, so it wasn't like we had JUST gotten together and everything changed. It just took 3 years for her to "try out her new life" before she decided she didn't like it as much as her old one..... That's the way I looked at it, anyway.
The part that got more difficult, was when she was around 12. Our lives/jobs had changed, and that wasn't "safe" for her to do any longer. Her mom wasn't home after school anymore. I was the only one that could pick her up from school. That was fine, but mixed in with puberty, that's when the real problems began.........
She expected all parents, but especially my husband and I, to meet her every wish......... when she was told that she was being unreasonable, she backlashed..........
I don't regret trying to make her life "as it was" in some aspects back then. But it seemed like because she saw that we were all willing to do something like that for her then, why can't we all keep doing things like that for her now. You know.... she thought the world revovled around just her :o)
Anyway, I don't want to get off-subject, but maybe your stepdaughter IS sad. Maybe having 2 homes is getting too much for her. Maybe she feels guilty for thinking about it or saying anything because she likes you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But maybe she wishes her parents were "back together" so SHE wouldn't have 2 sets of rules, etc...
It's so hard for these kids to go through divorces.
She's lucky to have you in her life! One day, she'll really appreciate that :O) At 22, my stepdaughter appreciates me more than ever. And I am loving it!
Good Luck, C.!
~N. :o)