My 1 Year Old Hits His Little Friend and Does Not Share. Help Lease!!

As all the others said, it is NORMAL. Also, at this age and stage... most children "parallel play." So bear in mind your son's age and development. Don't put adult expectations on him, as you would expect an adult or older child to behave. Children are just learning about their world now. Children this age don't have social skills per say yet, they are just learning about things in relation to their development. So to expect a 1 year old to "play" with a friend in a cooperative way, may not happen. In fact, through out their entire toddler-hood & early childhood, they are just learning about "social skills" and cooperative play. At this age, "knowing" about how to act "gentle" and empathetically and to "share".. is abstract for them. Their cognitive development for this is not aligned yet. But, sure, introduce examples and words for feelings. Also, from this age up, their world is "me" centered... and like physical development... a child/baby is STILL developing "feelings" and may not know how to express it yet. It's all about "ages & stages."
Perhaps, get a book on it. The book "What To Expect The First Year" by Arlene Eisenberg is good. Or read up online about developmental stages per each age.
Some children this age not only hit, they bite too or pinch. It's all normal stages of development. It's best to redirect their behavior or distract them.

Here are links about parallel play"
http://wondertime.go.com/learning/article/baby-parallel-p...
http://www.netwellness.org/question.cfm/11700.htm
http://pediatrics.about.com/od/growthanddevelopment/ig/De...
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/growth/learning/learn12y...
http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpdevelopment/0,,devtrkr...

Good luck, hope this helps,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

First off I have a degree in Child Development and spent three years working with toddlers before staying home with my son. What your son is doing is totally normal, it's not something he is learning from you or TV. A one year old does not have the capability to understand that other people have feelings and needs, all they know is what they feel. When your son wants a toy from his friend, he is not hitting to be mean, he is hitting because he feels frustrated and upset and does not have the ability to control his impulses. Toddlers are like little prehistoric people, they work on emotions and impulses and really do not have control over them! I would stay close during a play date and when you see him getting ready to hit, or right after he hits, take his arm gently so he can't continue and say "No hitting. Hitting hurts." Simple and precise, then say, "I know you want the toy, but he is using it. I know you are angry and that's ok, but I cannot let you hurt others." As far as not sharing, again he only knows what he wants, he is not trying to be rude. If you force him to share it will probably make him cling to his toys even more because he will feel like nothing is safe from being taken away. Give him all the time he needs with a toy when he has it, after he puts is down and his friends picks it up then it is his friend's turn. If he throws a tantrum, that's ok, just talk him through it calmly "I know you are mad because you feel like that's your toy. You put it down, now it's your friend's turn. You may have it when he is done." Then stay calm and quiet and let your son get his anger out without hurting anyone. While you are talking him through it, hopefully your friend will see that you are dealing with him calmly and keeping things fair for her child and will not be offended by your son's NORMAL toddler behavior. Some toddlers are just quieter and shy and do not hit or bite - I lucked out and got one of those. But some are more independent and want to stand up for themselves and what they want - someday this trait will be a great asset to your son! :) In the mean time, continue modeling calm behavior and when he has a tantrum just let him do his screaming but tell him with your words that you cannot let him hurt others. While my son didn't hit other kids, he could throw a tantrum that made my hair curl.... I allowed him to express his feelings and labeled them for him (you are mad/sad/excited...), and now at three years old he is so in tune with his feelings and those of his friends that people always comment on how sweet and loving he is. Don't give up on having your son play with others, just keep the play dates short (1hr or so) and stay close. Good luck!

A 1 year old is not developmentally ready to share yet. And thats okay. They parallel play. At this age you have to be with them while they play so avoid those hitting incidents. My best advice is to make sure the other child has a toy to play with and if it looks like he's about to hit or grab that other toy, redirect him to a toy he can play with and say "we share". If he cries because of it, you could say "I know youre mad, you want that toy and hes playing with it. Lets play with something else"

You're not doing anything wrong!! He is a normal 1 year old boy. At this age, their speech & language is developing and they don't always have the means to communicate with words, so they use actions. This will decrease as he increases his vocabulary. Try to just reinforce good behaviors.

Hi Susana. From all the parenting stuff I've read, it is normal at your son's age to hit and get very upset when he doesn't get his way. Babies still don't know how to express themselves except by yelling and hitting. My 20 mo. old daughter never hits, but she knows how to throw a fit. I've found she understands more than she says, so I explain the situation to her. She then knows that I know what she wants, but there is a reason why she can't have it. I would try to teach your son patience. Explain about sharing,then let the other kid have the toy for 5mins., then your son and so on. Your son's actions are not because you work in your studio-kids need independence too. Prepare to be embarrased in the future by your son, but don't be about the hitting. It'll get better:)