Motivating a Toddler to Use the Potty

Lots of good advice. Just a couple of other thoughts from a mom of boy with sensory issues. My son is now 5 1/2 and has been potty trained since right after his 3rd bday, so right in the range of normal. But, he has always had a problem knowing when he has to go, and I just in the last two weeks made the connection that due to his SI issues he really does not feel when his bladder is full. I searched for info and found that indeed, this is common. So while he does not have accidents (knock wood) he does need to be reminded even now. Since he can't really feel his full bladder we're working on helping him make the connection that when he is dancing around and holding himself that's his cue to go to the bathroom!

The other thing that tripped up potty training for us was his problem washing his hands. He always hated it (sensory) and it didnt' matter what kind of soap or alcohol wipe we bought. With potty training he was having to wash a lot more often--every time he tried. It was really hard. I'm happy to say that he has worked through that and has no issue with hand washing any more! Yay! Good luck.

He's still young. You are better off waiting until he shows you he is ready. Go out with him to let him pick out and buy some big boy underwear and then ask him casually once a day if he wants to use the potty so he can wear his big boy underwear. When he is ready, he will tell you. Trust me - my hubby tried pushing it with my son a few times and it was a disaster. When my son finally decided he was ready, it went so much smoother and quicker. The potty chart is a good idea for AFTER he lets you know that he is ready - gives him incentive to keep up the good work

Dear T.,
My son had sensory integration disorder (found out later it was part of his Asperger's) and also had issues with the potty. I did use the sticker chart and he earned a sticker for trying and 2 more if he actually peed. A full chart earned him a Thomas train. I think there were 25 stars on the chart (I got them at a school supply store although I saw some at Dollar Tree recently)
He also did better if I held him under he arms on the big potty without the potty chair seat. You would think that it would make him feel unstable but it actually helped him. I don't know if it was the pressure of my arms giving him sensory input or what, but hey, it worked. : ) My son was 4 when he finally got it. He actually told us when he was 4 he would use the potty full time-and on his 4th birthday he used it like he had been doing it all along with very few accidents. I guess it is true that you can't rush them, they will get it when they are ready. Good luck to you. G.

T. - My son is 2 and had very little interest in sitting on the potty. He is what we call 'poopy trained' since he has been pooping on the potty since October (thankfully). He is far from being fully potty trained since I can rarely get him to pee on the potty. He just won't sit long enough! It is so frustrating to me because he sits for 30 seconds, jumps up and won't sit again. I try books, small toys, etc. and he still won't stay sitting. I swear I no more than put a clean diaper back on him he pees in it. I just keep telling myself it will happen in due time. Hang in there!!

Oh and I definitely recommend having a potty in each bathroom, on every floor of your house. When the time does come I doubt he will give you enough warning time to move the potty around.

Dear T.,
Some things women pride themselves on....me, I am the most excited Mom when my children became potty trained. When they were around a year old....being able to stand, walk and talk, I would go to their room, check to see if they had a dry diaper. If they had a dry diaper, I would get all excited, make a funny face or something to let them know that I was happy, then I would quick, take off the diaper and put them on the potty and get them a cup of orange juice which would help to make them go. I made sure that they were on the pot around 5 minutes. That way they had time to relax in front of the TV and they had a tray to put their cup on. This was not for eating. I made sure that they were put back on the potty chair about 45 minutes after eating. At that time, I would sit down on the floor next to the potty chair and we would read a book together. I made my own books which had pictures of my children and told stories about their vacation, the beach, their family.....whatever they could relate to. I would ask them questions about the people and places. It was great for interacting. It was a time that I could correct their diction, and no one needed to know. It was our special time and a time that I encouraged them to want to be like the "big" people, no diapers. Getting down to their level is really important, no matter how awkward it may feel to you. Sometimes when they had to do a #2, they might sit sometime but they wanted to do things like the "big" people. It is worth offering him a special pair of pants that he picked out to where when he is ready for the "big" time. I was very, very consistant, because you need to get passed this before the next one comes. Constantly reinforce good timing on his part. Set a watch or timer to sit down with him on the pot every 1/2 hour to an 1 hour. You will begin to see a pattern. When they were on the pot, we would do flash cards, learn to read, do math (How to teach your baby Math by Glen Doman). They all knew their times tables before they got to kindergarten.....does that tell you how much time I spent with them on the potty? Forget the stars, he is too young. If you want to do something different, play games....throw some Cheerios in the pot (make sure that there is water in the little kiddy pot) and tell him to sink the ships.....that might work, too. Have fun...he is only little once, and remember how many battleships he sinks. Don't forget to tell DAD

Let me just say, boys can be SUPER stubborn! I had a similarly stubborn little boy. Despite my best efforts, he refused to potty train, for what seemed like forever. It's beyond frustrating. What worked for us, unfortunately, was to give up and wait until he was ready, which ended up being right around his 3rd birthday. It meant I had two kids in diapers, which I wanted to avoid, but it was just the way it was. I know that hearing someone tell you to wait it out makes you want to pull out your hair. I was there. I hated hearing it when I was going through it. I've heard that there's something about the 3rd birthday and that they just get it, somehow. And honestly, that's how it worked for us - one day he just decided to go for it. I asked him every day or every other day if he wanted to try and after months of hearing the word no, one day he simply got a big smile and said YES! We did the naked baby method and within two days he was wearing underpants all day and within 2 weeks, he was honestly going all day without accidents. Trust me, I don't think my child's a potty training rock star, but I do think that waiting until he was almost three meant that he was better able to understood the process and meant he was able to figure out the process quicker. Good luck! It's an incredibly frustrating process. I can't tell you how many times I would wonder aloud why my little boy would think it was okay or comfortable or non-stinky to go to the bathroom in his pants. And before anyone else answers, it was a purely rhetorical question. :-)

Our daughter was deathly afraid of the potty. She thought snakes were in it (thanks to our grandmother with alzheimer's). Our pediatrician said do not force the issue because you will scar her and then it will be harder later in life. One morning, she just woke up and said, "mommy i have to go potty." She has only had one or two accidents since and that was 2 months ago. She will be three in september. HOnestly, if it is causing him stress, it is not a good idea to push him. He will decide to use the potty when he is ready.
Hope this helped.
K.

My kids are long past that stage - now in their early 20's. I think it's best to let them find their 'own timing' while encouraging them as well. Pushing doesn't get it done. I was so ready for my second child to be out of diapers that I tried bribing her with candy!!!!! : ) A bag of candy by the potty! THAT did not work. (I think I knew it wouldn't, but I tried anyway.) LOL!!!!!!

I do think you are wise to not push him and look for ways to ease his tension. Even at that age, there's SO much going on for them - a lot of feelings/sensations they are exploring. He'll likely feel your sense of calm and support and that alone may be the biggest help. Good luck!!

My son will be 3 in a couple of weeks and CAN use the potty, but WON'T. So he's not ready. A lot of boys are closer to 4 before they are daytime trained. There will be a day he's ready. I would offer the potty, but make no reaction when he' refuses it other than to say, "OK." It may be another year before he gets interested-- sorry! :-)

I read in my son's developmental materials (he's been with EI since birth, 10wks early) that the best age for boys is 37mos. Everyone we know with boys who tried sooner than 3yo, spent approx 8mos, so they might as well have just waited.

It also says that you never ask the child if they want or have to go potty. You just say at regular intervals (like every 30-45mins), "Its time to go potty.", and both of you go in the bathroom and sit on the toilets. For a while, you may be the only one on the toilet, but you're there to praise the minute he does something.

All of our friends/relatives with several little ones say its much easier to have 2 in diapers, than a newborn + trying to potty train. So, maybe him waiting is a blessing? :)

Good luck!

Hi! It sounds like you have your hands full, but I don't think you should worry, kids do things like talk, walk and potty in their own time and usually when given the time they manage very well! I have three girls and not one of them potty trained before they were 3. Now some may think that is "late" but my Doctor (who had three girls of his own only a bit older than mine) told me as long as they were potty trained before they went to school it was fine. Sure, diapers/pull-ups for so long was a pain and you bet I had a "throw away the diaper bag party" when my youngest finally made the change. I will brag a bit that not one of my girls wet the bed, or had any accidents (except for a couple of timming issues...sometimes they didn't give themselves enough time to run up the stairs LOL). So I think it was well worth the wait. Keep in mind that not all children like to use potty chairs, mine never did. We purchased the seats that go onto the regular toilet and my girls liked that better, even though at the time we had an old wall mounted toilet that was a bit higher than normal. My youngest didn't talk until she was three...frankly I wasn't worried because she followed 3 step directions easily and was very eloquent with her body language; I think she was just saving up! She could say the most complicated words when she decided to talk and used complete sentences...her nick name quickly became "marathon mouth" once she started talking because we couldn't get her to STOP!! LOL Anyway, we used stickers once the girls began to use the potty. One little sticker on the family calandar for every accident free day. At the end of 30 days they got a special toy that we had picked out at the start. So at the end of all this I suggest you just relax and let your son do his thing at his own pace, in the long run it just might be best for all of you...remember to pick your battles carefully. Best wishes

Many kids are simply not neurologically or emotionally mature enough to complete potty training until they are three, or sometimes older. Boys tend to train later than girls, and age 3.5 is not uncommon. Toddlers often simply don't recognize the signals until it's too late – their is so much going on in their little worlds that's more interesting. Even if you can coax children to train earlier than their natural inclinations, kids get overwhelmed by looming parental urgency and expectations, or the simple size of the commitment, and regression or prolonged training is more the rule than the exception.

Allowed to proceed at their own speed, kids show interest when they are ready without urging, or even surprise their parents by announcing when they know they are ready. And then they are. Children WANT to train when they are ready, just as they WANT to walk and talk when they are ready.

Comparing your son to your daughter will only become a source of unhappiness for you both. Your little guy sounds like he's getting there, but your eagerness is thwarting you both. Putting him in diapers won't confuse him if you tell him you trust him to learn to use the potty when he's ready. He will appreciate your trust in his ability to grow up just right.

Success rides on considerably more than the simple physical ability to use the potty. There is a level of emotional willingness and motivation – a maturing of the child's impulsiveness and distractability – that really must happen before the child can complete this developmental step, which will be a satisfying source of pride once he is ready to make it.

Your son will start to let you know when he is mature enough. He'll show more interest himself, ask more questions, want to prove his new ability. Earlier attempts at training very often results in regression when the full size of the obligation hits the child. Three or older is not unusual for kids, especially boys, to thoroughly want to be out of messy diapers and into big-kid undies.

Before then, it is more likely to become a source of anxiety, frustration, and resistance. If I were in your situation, I think I'd be inclined to wait for the child's cues. He won't be confused if you simply let him stay in diapers for awhile, and when he's fully ready, he won't need your constant reminders to go, so life will be easier for both of you. And when he's ready, he won't need rewards, either, though a celebration might be in order.

Potty training is as natural, and as desirable for the child, as learning to walk and talk.

There are lots of good ideas and suggestions if you search this topic on this web-site from earlier questions. As for the reward for the sticker chart you can do several things. We did trip to get icecream after about 10, you can do visiting a fun place that he likes to go to, even simple dollar store toys that he gets to pick out for meeting a certain goal you set of stickers. Keep trying and good luck.

I wouldn't try harder, I would just wait until he's older to have real expectations about using the potty. Most boys aren't neurologically able to control their bladders until 3, so many begin by pooping in the potty first. If he has a strong-willed personality, it could take longer if you push it. You trying harder = pushing.

For now it's okay to sit him on the potty if he feels like it, but do so with no expectations-- meaning he may not do anything on it, or he may only sit on it for a few seconds. Whenever he does sit on it, make a huge deal out of it by celebrating and give him a sticker. Let him sit on it in his diaper if that's more comfortable for him.

Stickers work well at this stage. Some people use m&m's, but I prefer stickers. It should be totally no-pressure. The more comfortable he gets with the idea of sitting on the potty, the more likely he'll be to do something in it.

Hi --
We are almost done with potty training. He will be 3 in October. He sat on it at first, then lost interest. A couple months later, he tried again, and we jumped on it! We bought him underwear, and, he seemed ready and it was NO PROBLEM. He was ready. Except for pooping. It has taken quite a while for that. After several failed attempts at motivating him, (failed because he would do a partial poop to get a reward and then move back to pooping in his underwear), we now keep a jar of M&Ms in the bathroom and every time he goes, he gets some M&Ms. We ALSO have a sticker chart, and, after the 10th star, he's going to get the truck of his choice. It was still a bit difficult, but, yesterday, he earned his 6th star without complaint. We have to hold his hand and tell him a story, but, still, progress! Good luck.