I'm the mother of one fifteen year old teenage son. My son has attended private schools for most of his life. His standardized test scores are exceptional in some areas as he scored at 12th grade level when only 11 years old. Most people have always said his conversation is very advance to that of his years. He could name every dinosaur at age two and always used big words. He couldn't spell them but he knew what they meant. He has no problem in putting together anything and making it work effortlessly without ever reading any instructions, and he still does this. So, I had every reason to believe this kid was Princeton bound. From fifth grade on he drastically declined academically going from straight A+ to C's. We started to notice his lack of effort and his serious dislike for school and homework. My husband and I became very strict in our discipline taking away his favorite things until he brought up his grades. Against my better judgement I agreed with the school to have him tested for ADD and ADHD which he did not have but it surely appeared that he was only in the classroom physically. We sent him through therapy which I was reluctant to do at first after having been a child and adolescent therapist myself. I knew that in order to treat him they'd have to give him a diagnosis which they did and I did not agree with because he did not have enough characteristics for that diagnosis so I discontinued it. I sent him to study skills training at the local college over the summer in which he did very well but did not carry those skills over to the school year. He passed the entrance exam for one of the top college prep high schools in the U.S. (being the only one in his grammar school to pass. Upon completing his freshman year he was receiving straight F's and it didn't appear to phase him at least not outwardly to us. We removed him from the college prep private high school to a public high school with the understanding that with his knowledge and previous education at these great schools that it would be a cake walk. He has now completed his first semester of his sophomore year at the public high school and has succeeded in obtaining all F's. I, myself coming from a family of highly educated professionals and doctors can not comprehend his mindset. He has no qualities or initiatives that even remotely resemble that of myself or my husband. He spends every waking hour with his face plastered to his computer. He speaks about how he would like to work with computers but we explain to him he must know the basics of math which he does not and doesn't care to learn. He doesn't go outside or visit friends. He even has to be told to basically take a shower, clean up his room and brush his teeth. I even threatened to pull him out of school and let him train for a GED. He will not make it in life with this nonchalant attitude about everything. We're witless in this matter and don't know what to do.
Hi S. Maybe you're pushing his to hard. He still very young and maybe he's just tried. Take him to counseling to see just what going on with him inside.
I am so sorry to hear about really good parents having a hard time with their children. I too have the same problem with my son. He has been diagnosed with Aspbergers Syndrome which sounds very similar to your son. It takes a lot to get into their world to understand them but once you do it makes sense. I would definitely encourage your son to work with computers. Encourage him in whatever few interests he has.
Hi,
Have you investigated the possibility of your son having Non-Verbal Learning Disorder? This disorder is like Aspergers. Supposedly, Bill Gates has Aspergers. He hasn't done too bad for himself!
After a nueropsychologist evaluated my son (age 4), he found that there is a big difference in verbal cognitive skills and non-verbal cognitive skills. My son has a very high IQ but is awkward with his peers. He is in OT and Speech Therapy. He is 4 and talks like he's 20, but he has problems with pragmatics.
Look into the possibility of the above disorders. I have been reading about NVLD and Aspergers a lot recently, and a lot of the things you wrote are behaviors of NLVD or Aspergers. You may even look up Brian King who is a social worker in the Chicagoland area and specializes in Aspergers. He has Aspergers himself. He views Aspergers as a gift rather than a disorder
Also, there is a school in La Grange, IL called Acacia. It is a school for gifted students who also need special ed. The nueropsychologist who evaluated my son said that he could see my son in the gifted programs and in special ed at the same time. There is a nice website for gifted kids that need special ed. It's called 2enewsletter.com or org.
He's lucky to have a mom that cares.
Blessings,
M.
I cannot imagine the pressure he is facing at home! I mean, we all want our children to do well but your post is just FULL of super-high expectations and listings of his academic accomplishments and potential achievements.
Maybe his perspective is that he lives in a family where nothing but the best is acceptable and maybe he's afraid he simply cannot live up to those expectations? And, rather than try to please his family and reach the goals you've set for him perhaps he just gives up for fear of failing. Why bother wasting the energy trying and failing when he can just fail because that's what he feels like he would do anyway? Either that or he just doesn't care and purposely fails just to antagonize you - he seems to get plenty of attention for not succeeding academically, even if it is negative attention.
As a previous adolescent therapist, it is likely that you've created a network of cohorts who may be able to help. I would definitely refer him to a counselor or therapist, someone with whom he can build a rapport and begin to create some sort of plan to be successful on his own terms.
