I could write a book on the drama with my MIL but will keep this question specific to our latest issue. When my hubby was a kid, his mom and her 2 sisters had 'family b-day parties' every year for all their kids till they turned 18 (their 2 brothers and their wives did not partake in this with their kids.). Now, the 5 adult cousins, my hubby included, have a total of 9 children (3 are ours). The 3 sisters, including my MIL, still want all of us to continue having 'family parties' for our kids that include not only MY children's grandma and aunt and cousins, but the WHOLE group of great aunts/uncles my hubby's cousins, and their kids. ONLY 1 OF THE 5 ADULT COUSINS WANT TO DO THIS! (The uncles don't want to either, as this is 9 parties every year!!!) The sisters (MIL) also go out EVERY Friday night and the whole family gathers for ALL major holidays. Anyway, my hubby and I decided to be the first to stop this tradition with our oldest daughter's upcoming 5th b-day. She is having a party with all her school friends (my MIL was invited but said no b/c she's mad) and a b-day dinner on her actual b-day (my MIL and sis in law and her kids were invited to that but said no b/c they're mad). Problem is, my MIL is SO mad at us; calling us mean and selfish, that she told me SHE's going to throw her the family party with the whole group because WE won't. I told her NO but she left it open and I still think she will. Another cousin's party is already on the same weekend as my daughter's b-day and I think she will try to wiggle our daughter's in with it or be loud and vocal at it about how 'poor and sad' it is that our daughter isn't getting one. What should I do???
Tell her that you can not make it to the party on whateveer day she picks. Then dont show up. She will get the hint.
Oh man, what an ANNOYING MIL! I am presently at this very minute composing an email that I may or may not send to mine, who is driving me insane with her victimization and guilt trips and passive aggressive manipulation! Anyway, in your situation, what I would do is plan a really cool outing for your little girl, for the very same day that your MIL is planning that big party. Like a special museum, a boat ride, a beach picnic, something special "cause she's 5". Plus, the outing away from home gives you the excuse to not be at the other party. Make sure you and hubby come across super excited about these plans, so your daughter will pick up these positive vibes and not really care about that other party should she hear about it.
ignore her. no more telling her anything. send an invite to whatever you're planning, and leave it at that. let your husband answer her calls, and if she emails you click delete without opening them. best way to deal with crazy people is to ignore them
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Do not let your MIL bully you into having a huge party. You have the right to choose what type of party works best for your family. (dealing with an Italian family-would be my guess) Always be sure to invite your MIL and the immediate family but you should not feel pressured to invite all of the others. Good luck--it's not easy--I know!!!
Where is your husband? He need to take care of this and do it now.
MIL has forgotten she is grandmother, not her Royal Highness..
You invited her to the actual party, she said she will not go, so that is her choice. If she tries to throw her own party on your nieces bday, tell her "sorry we are going to nieces day party, we already had our party".. and then do it..
Nip it in the bid or it will go on forever.
I was just thinking you should record her conversations so your husband can play them back to her. She sounds a little out of it.. She will be shocked when she realizes how over the top she is being.. .
Okay, first let me say this...you absolutely should do what you want. I am NO stranger to MIL drama myself and just had an issue over my son's first b-day party, so I totally get it.
But, can you compromise? I think you should do the friend party...that's probably what she wants and it's more in your budget, etc. But, I also really see the benefit in getting the extended family together, especially her cousins, b/c I'm sure she plays with them and wants to see them and they may not have been included in her friend party. Can you just do a cake gathering with the whole family for your daughter...or maybe combine it with her cousin's birthday since they seem to be so close?
Both my husband and I have big, nosy families. As much as they get on my nerves at times, I am also a big "family person", so I generally advocate for times when we can all gather. The bottom line is the aunts, grandmas, cousins, etc. all still want to be a part of the celebration and although I agree that hosting a huge party for all of them is not particularly realisitic, if you were my sister-in-law, I would wish for you to find a compromise so that I could share in the joy of seeing my niece open her present from us and eat cake and hang out. I do think it's ridiculous how childish your in laws are being about this and it is inappopriate to say no to dinner invitations and try and bully you into a party. I can only be so objective about your situation b/c it's not mine! My MIL just did something so upsetting to me about my son's birthday that even as I write this I know it may fall onto deaf ears...so I get it, but at least rethink your options! Good luck!
Stand your ground girlfren! So, am I reading this right, you are supposed to host a childs party for what seems like a million people? Who can afford that? If your MIL wants to pay for it herself and have a huge crazy party for her then whatever. Make sure its at her house too!
Do YOU have to host the big family party? In my husband's family, we typically get together to celebrate birthdays, but most often at the grandparent's home or we go out to dinner. Our family isn't that large, however, and there's only one or two children (who are now in their teens). We often combine several birthdays and wedding anniversaries together. Maybe you can have a family powwow about this and together come up with a reduced schedule of partying. It sounds as though there is mixed opinion so a discussion ought to be possible if everyone can stay rational.
Stick to your guns. Growing up, I never had a party until I was 17 and I organized it myself. We celebrated birthdays, we just didn't have a big party. On your birthday, you got to choose what you wanted to do. I usually chose to go out for dinner with my immediate family. Now all my friends who have kids throw these extravagent parties for their little ones. It's fine except what do I (an adult) have in common with a 2 year old, a 9 year old, or even a 16 year old? I usually send a gift, but beg off attending th party. Now that I have a 3-year old, I have a dinner for the grandparents the weekend of her birthday, but I don't throw a party. I'll save the party for a milestone, like say her 16th birthday. I let her choose what she wants to do for her birthday, which is usually to go to McDonlad's for dinner. She even gets to choose her birthday desert. This past year, she didn't want a cake, but a giant cookie. I think people get carried away with birthday celebrations. You can make birthdays special without making them a big event. If you've got people telling you that they don't really want to or have time to attend a big party, don't do it. Go ahead with your plans to let her have a party with her friends-after all it's HER birthday. She should get to celebrate the way she wants to.
In my opinion, the mother and father of the birthday child are the only two votes on the party. Obviously, you and he would also ask the birthday girl what she'd like to do for her birthday and then make the final call. Grandmas had their chance to raise a family, and now it's your turn. I hope you and your husband and kids can ignore her nonsense long enough to have a good time and let her deal with the negativity alone.
Honestly this is sort of a tough one and difficult to render too much advice. I would simply say you and your husband have made a decision for YOUR family and it apprears you haven't done so at the exclusion of anyone else so stick to your guns. Her reaction is due to her own issues and she'll have to learn to deal with it or keep reacting, but DO NOT LET IT AFFECT YOU, YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR FAMILY. They're HER issues. Continue to invite her, don't exclude her from anything. Good luck and have fun with your daughter's celebration. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your decision!
