PMI was made tax deductible only recently, and there is no guarantee that it will be so forever. It was passed as part of all the measures to help homeowners.
I wouldn't count on it being tax deductible forever, and determine what you can afford on its deductibility.
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From what I know, if you have 20% equity in your home (down payment), you do not have to pay PMI. When we refinanced our home recently, we had to pay a "charge off" amount to ensure we had 20% equity, since the value of our home had decreased, and hence our equity was no longer 20%. Thankfully, it was under $2k!
There have been a lot of articles about predatory lenders and tightening standards. I would shop around and see if you get the same story from other lenders. This doesn't sound right.
You also have to be mindful that 20% equity is sometimes not based on the purchase price, but the evaluation of the home. If the bank deems the home worth more or less even though you are only borrowing x amount, it can change the % equity you have. Also, I don't know if there are special conditions on FHA loans.
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I should clarify the whole equity issue.
Let's say the house you want to buy is $300k. You have $60k to put down, that's 20%. You need to borrow $240k to purchase the home. The bank looks at the house and goes...nah, the house is not worth that much. They think it's actually worth $250k. You still need to borrow $240k to buy the house. It doesn't matter that you are paying $60k to buy the house. That's not "equity" even though it sounds like it should be. You still need to borrow $240k for a $250k home. Your LTV (loan to value) ratio is too high, no matter how much money you paid out of pocket. According to the LTV, you only have 4% equity, even though in your mind, you've paid 20%. It's the amount that you borrowed against the value of the home that dictates the 20% equity to avoid PMI.
I hope that helps.
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This is why people are "underwater". They borrowed, say $500k, to purchase their home. All fine and dandy until the market tanks. The bank and market now tells them that their home is only worth $300k. Even if the person sells their home for $300k, they still owe the bank another $200k to pay back the loan.