Morbid Thinking

My 3 year old son's become increasingly interested in death since his grandmother's cat recently died...3 year olds and 4 year olds can be pretty different, but in my son's case, he's playing the same sorts of games and asking the same questions, I think, because he's trying to understand the concept. Fair enough- it's hard for a lot of adults to grasp the concept.

At first I changed the subject whenever it came up, not really wanting to delve into the topic so soon in his life, but I think that, in doing so, I made it even more interesting/mysterious. Now when it comes up I tell him that sometimes our bodies become too old, tired or sick to take care of us, and that that's when our body dies. And I leave it at that. If he's wanting to play a death game I just point out that his body is healthy and strong and that this just isn't part of our day.

I know, 3- and 4- year olds can be really different, so I don't know if this will help at all. Thought I'd toss my 2 cents in, though, in case it would work for you. : )

M.

I have two boys - 4 and 6. Both of them have gone through this stage. It is totally normal. I would either let it go (ignore it) or switch the subject.

M.

Sadly, in this day and age, I think that's fairly normal... Your daughter is starting to understand permanence (or lack thereof)and about that age, kids become aware of the drama that goes on around them in life (and on screen - even Disneys!!). My daughter has been playing "orphan" or "my parents died" since about your daughter's age. And unfortunately, mine has now taught the "game" to her younger brother. I continue to discourage it around here and always tell the to play something "happy," but I can't consequence them for using their imagination, so I just am getting even more careful about what they're exposed to ... good luck!

I am a Nanny...have been for many years. Every single child I have watched...including my brother, has had a period of death facination at about this age. It will pass.

I would reccomend talking to her frankly about death...how depends on how you view death and then keep up with telling her it's not appropriate pretend play.

At this age it is really hard for them to grasp what it means so they make it their own. That is why I always reccomend a frank discussion.

Good luck and don't worry...she will be fine.
~A.

Normal, normal, normal. Don't over react to it and you will be surprised that it just phases out. Kids can't developmentally understand finality (death, divorce, for example) until around 7 years of age. Her understanding of "death" isn't the same as our understanding of it. If you are uncomfortable, just model to her that you don't like that game but you would play another game (she can use that skill herself with her friends). You don't have to go into why or give her an adult explanation of death - she won't get it. It's creepy but it is also a good chance for her (and you) to be able to talk to you about things that are uncomfortable and learn that mom is accepting and safe. Believe me, as a parent of a 15-year old, you want them to be able to tell you the uncomfortable stuff :). Hang in there. You'll laugh about it later.

T.