MOODS SWITCH VERY QUICKLY FOR 2-1/2 Year Old Girl

I would say it isn't normal. I have a 2 1/2 year old who is pretty even tempered all the time and most of her friends are the same way. My 8 yr old on the other hand has horrible mood swings. Hers tend to be good for a long time and then all of a sudden it's like flames shoot out of her nostrils, eyes, and ears! I know she has been like this for a long time but I don't remember when it started. I know she had horrible temper tantrums.

I've tried almost everything and I still don't know what to do.

In some ways it sounds pretty normal. Only you can know for sure. My second daughter was like that around the same age and grew out of it. Some times a phase seems to last long but most of the time they grow out of it. I would get a second opinion from her pediatrician because it does sound extreme.

Dear A.,

I'm sorry, I really have no advice for you. I just wanted to say that I don't think this is all that abnormal. I remember with my daughter saying first that it was supposed to be "terrible twos, not terrible eighteen months!" Then at two saying that I was really worried about what puberty was going to be like because she was acting like she was already hormonal. And my little five year old friend has this same issue with the extreme reactions and also with absolutes - "I never . . .," "You always . . ." - I don't know how extreme your situation is, and maybe you should talk to your pediatrician and/or a counselor for insight on whether your daughter's behavior is indeed extreme and ideas on how to help her to control herself and act in a socially acceptable manner. Remember too, children are not born knowing socially acceptable behavior, and the learning is all part of the growing up process. How many times have you seen a mother cringing at the grocery store because her three year old was throwing a tantrum, or seen a child hit her parent, and thought MY child won't do that! But, ha! it happens to us all at some time. I think, too that when you can continue acting like nothing is out of the ordinary, speaking in a normal tone of voice (or even quieter so she has to quiet herself to hear you) or even ignoring her and she doesn't get a reaction (or a "reward") to the bad behavior that may help (this is VERY difficult to me - I have a very reactive personality)

Good luck!
B.

Completely normal! I used to work with babies 0-3 and we would tell mom's that all babies at this age should act this way. The more testing she gives, the stronger the personality. This is good and hard all at the same time. However, walking on eggshells should not be part of your world. Limits and structure should be where your heading instead. Tighten the reigns. It may fell like your being harsh, but all babies need structure to feel safe and secure. If you and your husband follow through the same way every time with her, she will tire of trying to win all the tie and things will start to mellow. She's only 2.9, and she just had her world rocked with a new baby, and even at 1, these little humans know how to manipulate. Remind her daily of who is boss while loving her dearly at all times. Good luck, this will all pass and then you'll have teenagers, eh? Remember most importantly to take a few moments a week out for just yourself. Pedicure, massage, a walk or jog, whatever your pleasure. You have to be full yourself, to be able to give parts of it to others!

Dear A.,

I know, it is scary, isn't it? But she is doing what 2 1/2 year old girls do - It will work out, just try not to suffer so much. Maybe just getting her to stay in her room until she feels like being calmer. My gr grand daughter did it and it is totally normal. Or that is the way it was in our family.

C. N.

It does seem to be a "fad" to diagnose children with adult disorders this early in age, however, with all of the newest research and information we CAN diagnose earlier. I wouldn't say she is bipolar, for one thing NO ONE cycles that rapidly. But I would talk to her pediatrician about other things. Has there been a change in your home, marriage, work situations, health??? All these moms gave good advice but if you have a good doctor, run it by them.

100% normal. Think of it as Toddler PMS. :0)

This book helped me... Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. And if nobody has told you yet, three is WAY worse than 2!!! Hang in there mommy, you have a hard year or two ahead, but please read the book and if some parenting classes are available in your area, sign up!! I live in Hawaii and we have parenting classes that are FREE!!! and also excellent, because many parents are going through the same issues as you are, and it is a good forum for discussion. Also, you bring the kids, and they have supervised activities that are enriching for them, so it is a good introduction to separation for them. Good luck and god bless you and your kids!

As soon as she begins with one of her tirades, I would immediately pick her up and take her to her bed. Leave her there and shut the door to her room. When she finishes her tantrum, go back in there and explain the new rule: every time she throws a tantrum she will be taken to her bed where she will stay until she's finished and then she may come out. You need to toughen up because she's not going to magically outgrew these outbursts. And I know it's tough as a parent when you love your child so much and don't want to get upset with them but allowing this will set a foundation where she'll walk all over you as she gets older.

My daughter has been going thru the same thing. Recently she started having really bad reactions to dairy (throwing up violently). I have found that since we cut dairy out of her diet, her temperment has been more consistent. Not sure if its the diet or if she's just feeling better.

It seems to be the fashion right now to diagnose children like this with bipolar disorder. This rapid mood swing stuff is really within the bounds of normal for some 2-3 yr olds. This is when they're learning to express feelings, and they're not very good at it. Here are a few suggestions that worked for me with a child like yours. First, always validate the feelings. "I know you don't want to go to bed. It's bedtime now. You'll have another chance to play tomorrow." Then repeating this if you need to for your own sanity, guide her to doing exactly what you want her to do. Even if you have to hold her hands and help her pick up her toys, or put her clothes in the hamper. Second, check your own behavior and make sure you are not having sudden blowouts during the day. We are powerful role nodels for our kids. Third, give yourself a pat on the back. This is really hard work, and this is one of the most important lessons your child will ever have to learn. It will take lots of practice on both your parts, but it will pay off. Good luck! Grams

I am the mother of 3 children, 18, 11 and 2 1/2, will be 3 in April. My first two had their moods, but nothing like my 3rd. He acts much like your daughter does. Sweet, loving and well behaved and suddenly becomes what my husband lovingly refers to as "demon spawn". We have initiated a "tantrum spot". Its much like time out. Initially we had a very hard time keeping him there, but we would just put him back and tell him that when he was done, he could get up. He still has his mood swings, but they are now fewer and farther between and are considerably shorter now that he has the spot. I really believe that it is a way of trying to gain control, which is what toddlers do. They try to gain control of walking, talking, playing, their environment, even the household. It is our job as parents to set reasonable limits and then to enforce them. (I know, this is where youre thinking - easy for you to say) Its definitely not easy, but it gets a little bit easier every day. We actually were able to take my son to a restaurant last night and not have any problems!!! It was a first for us. So, good luck and keep trying.

Hi. I'm a Mommy to a 2 1/2 year old girl also and she is now getting to this phase. She's sweet one minute and inconsolable the next. Sometime, I just give up and let her cry it off as there is nothing I could do. I read somewhere, though, that we need to help them switch gears. I tried it once. I said why don't we read a book. And it worked! She calmed down. At this age, they don't know why they are aggravated so they can't tell you and they don't know how to get out of the "meltdown" without our help. I believe it's just a phase of the terrible twos. I also have an 11 month old and she didn't start this "terrible twos" thing until just recently. I wouldn't worry about it. She'll be fine. Just try not to pull to many hair out of your head. Take care.

If you're walking around on tip-toes, she may think she's calling the shots on what she will and will not do. But, it's actually very frightening for a child who doesn't feel there's someone in charge. shouting "go away" is something we want them to do when strangers get too close, it's not age appropriate to be directed at you until your child hits adolescence, and even then, it's because they have a lack of trust in your intentions or ability to help them make good decisions. Right now your the key to her every need. the keeper of the cheerios, and giver of apple juice, and affection. Most of all, it is important not to give up on a strong willed child. As I stated, if she feels there's a lack of parental control, and she's the strongest of the bunch, it's an out of control frightening world which she's not prepared to handle at 2- 1/2. She is old enough to sit when you tell her to and it would be beneficial to teach her to apologize when she has acted out in this way. All the best L. D.