We have neighbors who are good friends that are going through a rough patch. Recently they've had some money struggles ~ enough that the bank took their house. The house was in her name ~ she was a single mom when they met & he moved in 14 yrs. ago. They never married ~ only a handful of people know. Their 2 kids they had together think they're married. The money problems put a strain on their relationship. He sat her and the kids down yesterday & said he bought a house in the next town, he's taking the kids, & she can't come. She has absolutely nothing ~ no home, no job (her employer retired a few months ago & she struggles to work because of health issues that she'd been hospitalized for several times), she applied for disability but it hasn't been approved yet. Both of her parents have passed away so she can't move in with them. What can I do or say to help? I can't imagine how she feels, my hubby & I were completely blind-sided when she called me in tears yesterday.
So, it's been 1 week & I call or see her daily. I've listened & been there for moral support, helped her look for places, babysat, offered to help daily to get a lawyer & even gave her the site someone suggested with helpful tips on getting a lawyer with low income. She's still in shock, & is packing, found a temporary place to stay until she can get back on her feet when the bank actually kicks her out (they called & said they're taking the house, but didn't say she had to be out yet). She's taking EVERYTHING that was there when he moved in ~ all the furniture, kitchen stuff (cookware, dishes, etc.).
She still talks to him daily, actually she said he gets up for work at 5 a.m., goes to work & goes straight to HIS house to work on it & comes back to HER house btwn. 11 p.m. & 12 a.m. to shower & go to bed. I saw him there this a.m. loading up his truck (if I didn't have my kids in the car I would have stopped). She has even seen HIS new house.
Thank you for all of your suggestions & support.
She needs an attorney. I believe they are "married" under common law, right? She can get a free consultation with a good attorney or call a women's shelter for guidance.
See if common law marriage exists there (it doesn't in some states, like MD). Regardless, she has rights to the children! She needs to get an attorney ASAP!
Okay I don't know where all these people are getting the idea that he is "kidnapping" the kids and he has "no right to take them" until they go to court. If his name is on the birth certificate then he can take the kids for as long as he wants UNLESS there is a court agreement in place. I know this because my lawyer told me that my ex could run off with my son whenever he feels like it, for however long he feels like it, until I get a court case filed because his name is on the birth certificate. Fathers have just as many rights to kids as mothers do. The only kid he can't take is the one that isn't his.
Aside from this, this story is awful and the guy sounds like a creep to just abandon her all of a sudden. Plus, where did he get the money for a second house when they couldn't even meet all of their financial obligations? Sounds to me like he was planning this for a while and was hiding money from her. She needs to find a place to stay. She can look into some homeless shelters for a while or does she have any good friends who might be able to let her stay till her disability comes in? Also, she probably needs to look into some other services (food stamps, housing assistance, etc.) if it is difficult for her to work for these health issues. Finally, she does need to go see at least the legal aid services. Money is a weird thing. If they had a joint account of sorts, even if they weren't married, there money COULD be considered joint then. But, she needs to talk to someone about EVERYTHING that was involved in their relationship (what was shared, what wasn't, etc. etc. including the kids). They are going to be the best source for her when it comes to his possible legal obligations to her and the kids. That stuff varies from state to state though. I wish her the best, as this is definitely a tough time for her.
She needs to check into state programs that may be able to help her while waiting on the disability (which can take a long time). Even though at the moment he has a place to live and she doesn't so it is best to let the kids go with him for now, she is their mother and can/should go file for at least joint custody. They are both parents so it isn't just "what he says goes".
Also, if your state has "common law" she may be eligible for some sort of spousal support and/or claim to the new place. She would need to talk to a lawyer about that.
Shes needs to get a lawyer. The law here is that if the parents arent married, the dad has no rights to the children until he takes her to court. She needs to read up on her rights asap!
Tomorrow morning you can help her get a lawyer. He cannot do what he is doing and it needs to be fought immediately. If they have lived together for that long she has rights. Help her get herself together and realize this and to get mad and use that to go after him. Nothing can be gained for her by feeling sorry for herself and retreating.
The would have a common law marriage. Depending on the laws in Ohio, she may be able to get alimony or temporary spousal care. You might be able to google common law marriage laws in Ohio.
He can't take the kids, and I don't think he can legally do any of what he is trying to do. There are common-law laws, and your friend needs to get tough, fast, and tell him No f-ing way is he taking her kids.
If he was living in HER house for 14 years, and allowed it to fall into bankruptcy, yet all of a sudden has enough money to buy his OWN house -- something is seriously amiss. Help your friend get strong and tough NOW, there are things that can be done.
And don't for one minute let him take the kids.
EDIT: Reading below -- even if Ohio has no common law laws, he can't do that to her. Since she is in a fragile state, maybe you can help out by finding an attorney that will work on a contingency basis.
What a sad story. Her BF is a heartless, self-centered %^&#@&!** Where is she living now? Poor woman- I'll pray for her- wish I could do more...
I found a website that gives some tips on getting a lawyer when you don't have much $. She should definately get a lawyer.
http://www.wikihow.com/Hire-a-Lawyer-When-You-Have-Low-In...
Someone in a similar situation (as far as not having a place to live) asked a question, and got a pretty good answer:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=2011040209272...
14 years is considered a common law marriage....she needs to find a lawyer NOW, yesterday....
i would invite her to my home and help her find a job or help her get back on her feet - get a plan together so that she can get on her own two feet...
this totally sucks. it really does. without giving her money - she can live with you - IF you have the room and barter for her room and board...watching the kids, cleaning the house, etc. - that's what my sister did when she lost her job - couldn't find one to save her life (3 years unemployed!!!) she had friends (she lived in Vegas - I live in DC) who let her live with them - she did their errands, cooked meals, etc. and they let her live in their extra room.....I know I BEGGED her to come live with me...but we have too many "bugs" here!! URGH!! :)
Good luck! I hope she is able to find a lawyer and get the disability....
First if at anytime they have represented them selves as married then they are married - OH does not have Common Law anymore - however if they have represented them selves as married then they are.
She really needs a lawyer for all of this. If he had the $$ for a new house how on earth did they lose the house they were in.
The best think you can do for your friend is one help her find a good lawyer to help her with this. Help her find a place to live - note that a lot of times the bank the forclosed will elt them stay in the house as a renter or some arrangement to care for the house so it does nto fall into disrepair and harder to sell. It's a win win for both sides. If not help find her a place she can live for the time being. Is there a extended stay hotel around - those are decent and don't cost much when you think about it.
Good luck and I hope she gets the guy..... Have to wonder if he was working up to this... Gesh how nasty people are nowadays.l.
whoa! these types of incidents sadden me. both together lost the house, both together had money problems, both together they had children.
sounds to me like abandonment. he thinks the ball is in his court cause he has the means to support the children, so in a sense he kidnaps the children and abandons her. sounds she needs to get legal aid.
She needs to find a lawyer STAT. She has just as much parental rights to those kids as he does.
I'd say, "Come to my house. Let's see what legal aid we can find." And I'd tell her not to let him bully her around re: the kids.
Friend's son-in-law took the kids and moved to his mom's house and wouldn't let the mom see her kids. Judge threw the book at him. Maybe not the same, but if he's going to pull this, he'd better let her see her kids. I'd be filing ASAP for legal visitation, etc.
If he takes the kids, that is kidnapping and a federal offense, I don't care what state you are in, married or not married. She is the mother, she has rights, let her know that. He would have to prove that she is unfit in a court of law for him to legally take the kids. And by unfit, meaning on drugs, neglecting the kids etc... Help her find out what she needs to do. Right now she is probably in shock and can't think straight. So, if you did a little leg work for her I'm sure she would be very grateful. What an A hole! (sorry) He has no legal right to do this!
If they have been living together for 14 years than the house was more than likely communal property and they are common law married, it depends on the state. At this point I am not sure what she can do, but she needs to speak to a lawyer.
Unfortunately, it appears that Ohio does not recognized common law marriages. http://www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=4265
As far as ways to help her - maybe just inviting her over for dinner or taking her to a movie - something that provides her with a distraction (even if just a short one) would be helpful. Would you feel comfortable talking to her "husband" about letting her stay with him until she can at least get back on her feet?
I agree with everyone else. She needs to contact legal aide. She needs to print out the statutes right away and show him that he will be on the hook to care for her.
What a jerk!
They are married, by common law, she can take half of everything and has to divorce him:
http://www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=4265
And believe me if the gov, needs to pay for full time health care, they WILL go after him.
SHe needs to get a lawyer!! He lived in HER house for 14 years but now that he's bought a house in his name she cannot move in along with her children? That sounds very illegal...
If he could have bought a house in his own name - then why in the hell could he not have helped her pay the mortgage in order to keep the house they have been living in??
