You are having a rough time. I've learned over the years from my own experience and watching other people that it's somehow easier to fight during hard times then to work together. Anger covers up sadness and depression. Lots of people are more comfortable with being angry than they are with feeling sad or depressed. This could be going on with both of you.
I've gone back to counseling when I've noticed that I'm feeling angry all the time. For some reason I couldn't let go of the anger long enough to feel the depression until I got professional help. I suggest you try counseling. If your husband won't go, go without him. You have to find a way to break this angry cycle.
Also, angry and/or depressed people have more accidents. I had 6 in 2 years when I was depressed. And not all of them were legally my fault. At the time I didn't realize that my feelings had anything to do with them. The accidents made me more depressed but how could depression cause accidents. One reason is that we are not as alert whenever we're feeling strong emotions.
I used to fret about money. Finally, I realized that money is only money. Money comes and goes often through no fault of our own. To be happy with one's spouse means that we have to value our relationship with our spouse more than having enough money. Would you worry less if he weren't around? You would fight less but you would still be angry.
So, you have to find a way to let go of the anger. Not an easy task!! Probably the most important thing that you can do is to let go of what you say to yourself. You say you think he isn't even trying to keep your car and baby safe. That may be the truth. What can you do to find out if that's true or not? One way is to ask him in a concerned and caring way. Another is to see a counselor and talk about it. The more you tell yourself these sort of negative things without determining if they're true or not the angrier you will get.
If there is no way to know for sure then make yourself think in a more positive way. We really do make things happen or not happen by the way we think. This situation does not have to be a war between you and your husband. Each of you makes it a war by blaming the other person and by choosing to argue about the stupid things.
Make a pact, alone or together, to stop yourself when a negative thought about the other comes into your head. Immediately replace it with a positive thought not necessarily about the source of your negative thought. For example, you're angry because he wrecked the car. Replace the thought that he doesn't care with the thought of he's under a lot of stress too and then think about a time that he did show caring. It is not that simple! It will take a lot of practice before you'll be able to do it.
One thing I learned when I was raising my difficult daughter is that if I did not respond at all when she was yelling at me there was no fight. At first and sometimes still I have to leave the room or even the house to keep myself from saying anything. I learned that if I say, I don't want to fight and so I'm going for a walk, that I could come back and we could hug. Eventually she learned to do the same. We still aren't able to always avoid a fight but the fights happen increasingly less often.
When relationships get into trouble we have to learn new ways of thinking and acting. A counselor is a convenient way to do that but we can sometimes begin to make changes on our own.
This is a trite saying but the closer I get to dying the more it feels true. Life is just too short to spend time fighting or worrying about money, or wishing things were different without doing something to change them. The first step towards change is the hardest.
