Money - Woodbridge,VA

He goes to one of those groups that AA runs for people who are addicted to shopping or just cannot form a budget. This is potentially a dangerous addiction that seems to be starting off small. It is huge.
Do not loan him money anymore.
I WAS married to such a guy for six years and he was in my pockets with both hands. That's why we got divorced. It went from small amounts to endless, and uncontrollable. I remarried to someone who did not have money troubles like that.

I never understood the seperate money deal. It makes no sense to me what so ever.
There are a ton of right/wrong answers here. Does a spouse really borrow money from a spouse?!? My wife is the sole provider and if I stop at Jack in the Box to get a burger, I didn't 'borrow' the $6 from her. Your financial agreement needs to be discussed.
You need to sit down with him and lay out some rules. This is the exact type of situation that will bring resentment and eventually cause a blow-up which could lead to a bad ending......
Good luck

why don't you guys just make a joint account? You are married so what's his is yours and what's yours is his. There is no paying each other back when you are married. It's all the same

If you guys have an agreement and keep your finances separately, then yes he should pay you back.

He sounds like my daughter. I am always loaning her money so when she pays me back, I just hold that money to the side for the next time she needs to borrow. She just keeps borrowing back the same money!

My husband and I have been married 9 years and we don't have a joint account. I'm bad with money and I told him from the beginning I didn't want us to have a joint account b/c if I knew how much money was there I wouldn't have a problem spending it. I think that since you make less than him that he needs to be aware it's important for him to pay you back or to at least not borrow beyond his own means since he makes more than you, he is obviously spending his share.

Maybe change how the money goes into the joint account. We put a % of our money into one pot, based on income and need (general bills) with some padding for emergencies and vacations. If he doesn't like the individual payment thing, maybe sit down with ALL the bills for 2 months, total it up, average it, decide what is YOURS and HIS beyond the household (like my gas for my car is from my account) and then each of you should fill out a direct deposit form for a joint account where the money just GOES. That way the house gets paid FIRST and anything leftover can still be deposited into personal accounts. It may also be good for him to see, again, what's what. That you make less and this is what needs to be paid.

This his/hers/ours works very well for us.

As for being repaid, I would certainly ask to be repaid, especially if it's his debt! Otherwise there's no incentive to quit borrowing. You can also say, "No, I'm not bailing you out again." There are already hurt feelings - yours. Make him man up. If he doesn't intend to pay you back, it's not a borrow/loan. It's either a gift or theft under false pretenses.

My mom's exDH used to never manage the money and it was like gambling for him - he swore he didn't gamble anymore. Well, not at the slots. He just did it with debts and payment due dates! Is your DH bad with money or is there more going on?

My husband and I just recently came to grips on this. My heart goes out to you because it is such a cause of stress and marital discord if you aren't on the same page. You need to pay the bills with him having some sort of "allowance" to spend as he wants. Will he agree to this?? If not, perhaps he could make the house payment and you pay the rest?? Can he be counted on to really pay things on time?? I feel for you. It is tough. I would just try and get something simple to agree to. If you guys are nickel and diming each other, "you owe me this or that" I think its going to cause a further division. Try to get a simple, agreed upon plan. Hang in there....

Each of you should have some money each of you can spend without questions being asked. When it is gone it is gone; no borrowing!

Household bills should be paid out of a joint account with both of you contributing fairly. Each month the two of should discuss upcoming bills like a larger light bill for extreme months to school clothes for the new school year, a car needing tires...so you are on the same page.

When I was married I wrote household bills and pay days on a calendar with their due date clearly marked. That way both of us knew what was due when.

Consuelo:

It doesn't sound you like guys are a team or partners. You are keeping score.

We have a his, mine and ours. The "ours" pays the general household bills - mortgage, gas, electric, water, HOA, etc.

his? is his - when it's gone - it's gone. there is no borrowing.
mine? is mine. when it's gone - it's gone. there is no borrowing.

We are a cash only family. If there is something that is needed for the kids? It comes from the "ours".

If you two can't agree on money - then I would suggest you get Dave Ramsey or some other financial guru's book OR better yet - CLASS and go to it together - get on the same page and work together as a team to make the money work.

If he BORROWS? he must pay it back. sorry - that's what borrow is - a loan - temporary - NOT permanent. However, he IS your husband. get on the same page about money. establish rules, boundaries, etc. and get together as a team.

I think the bigger problem is that you don't trust your husband with your finances, he spends too freely, and you are wanting to "collect" money from your husband. That's just odd to me.

Once all debt is paid, each spouse can get a set "blow" amount. When it's gone....no more til payday. :(
Maybe divide the bills fairly and let him be responsible for roughly 60% of the bills and you cover the rest?

Hi, Consuelo:
You do have a challenge on your hands.
Now: What is he spending his money on?
What is his responsibility to pay for in the marriage?

When you get that information, then you have to set your foot down.
You need to give him an allowance.
How to do that?
I would suggest you go to the Better Business Bureau in your city and
ask for help in organizing both you and your husband's financial responsibilities.
Both need to participate in this.
He has a choice: Participate or you will not give him anymore money.

Just my thoughts.
Good luck.
D.