Moms of Teenagers: How to Handle Son Who Doesn't Let Me In :(

I've always heard that getting the kid in the kitchen to help cook helps open them up. Might have to force him at first, but you could tell him he needs to learn for when he is an adult!

Have you tried to do something HE LIKES? For my sister a turn around was when she moved the Wii into the family room and played WITH him and got into video games more. Something that has kept me bonded with my nephews even into their teen years and I hope will keep me bonded with my son as he grows are video games. We talk about all kinds of things when we play because they are so relaxed and ON THIER OWN TURF. I would try to bond with him over one of his hobbies and do it slowly ... if it is video games then get some magazines (game informer is a good one) and read them on your own ... ask other people who know about them find out what games he is interested in and try them while he is in school see what you like/what works for you then make a comment about a game and see what he says. Simmilar can be done for all sorts of hobbies but do your homework first then say something about it to get his attention/impress him and then let him teach you from there. If you want your kids to open up first you have to open up to thier world.

I have a friend with 3 sons. She says she has tried to make her home, "the house" that all of the boys want to be at.. She just keeps providing food, DVD's and game videos, so she can hear them.. She says she is like a shadow.. She is there but they just kind of forget she is there.

She hears what they talk about, but just stashes it away and waits for her son to ask or talk about it. Sometimes she asks her sons for suggestions about what other moms are worried about. She says her sons love giving advice.. Maybe your son would be willing to talk about other kids that have problems at home, school or with their bodies..

It sounds like he is doing what he is supposed to do. Growing up into an individual. Ask him for help. Just remind him you miss him and you are there, but you are trying not to bug him.

Definitely give him his space. Instead of asking him questions like "how was school" etc, ask him more specific questions like what particular classes he is taking etc.

I would also suggest to have a family activity night that is mandatory. Whether you all watch a movie, play a game or go somewhere this will help communication just by spending time together. We did this growing up and as a teen I have some good memories of hanging out with my family even though I pretended that it was completely lame!

It's definitely a stage and nothing to worry about as long as there aren't other signs that he may be in trouble. Try not to let it bother you, he's just trying to figure out who he is and I'm sure he feels like you are just getting in his business, lol. Although there should be consequences if he is being blatantly disrespectful, otherwise just have some patience.

When my son began cutting me out I asked him if he had ever seen a TV show or movie where a teenager screamed at their parents and said, "You don't know anything about me, leave me alone!" He said, yes had seen teenagers saying that to parents. Then I said, "Well, if you don't talk to me, THEN I WON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!! and you will never be allowed to say that to me if you don't talk to me!" He talks to me now, not as much as I would like, but I get a little here and there.

My all-time favorite parenting book demonstrates how to connect with your kids in ways that work for them, and therefore will help reestablish that "broken" connection. Check out or buy a copy of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, and try some of the techniques. They are practical and doable.

Another book I haven't finished reading yet, but looks promising, is Parenting Without Power Struggles by Susan Stiffelman, which is appropriately subtitled 'Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected.

And to just improve your general pleasure in each other, another good one is Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD.

But really, start with How to Talk. You'll be glad you did. You won't have to resort to emotional blackmail or threats – your son's regard for and appreciation of you will grow instead of diminish over the next few years.

I would tell him straight out that when you don't talk to me at all you hurt my feelings, I am not your slave to do the housework and shopping and cooking, I am your mother and you need to treat everyone including me with civility. I know that puberty is difficult and that you do not intend to be mean to me, but you need to be more polite and at least say hello and goodnight and talk to me in a normal tone of voice. I know you need your space but you are 13 and I am legally required to parent you and silly-me I even want to remain part of your life even if you feel now that you do not want me in yours. Think about this for a while in your room and if you cannot be civil to me then I am taking away your XXXX for a day until you apologize for telling me to leave you alone. If you need space then use words like, please give me some time to myself mom. If you still do not treat me civilly I will take off your door so you no longer have privacy. But if you behave like a polite son to me then I will give you all the space and time and understanding and afternoon snacks your little heart desires. And I would force a great big hug on him with kiss at this point and grin at him and tell him that maybe he can keep his door but his punishment will be loud kisses on his cheeks nightly!! Then hand him a great book on boys in puberty (I have girls and we bought the book just called SEX as well as 100 questions you would never ask your parents. My girls have had the American Girl Body Book since age 9 as well, I do not know of a boy equivalent).

It's just so hard with teenagers sometimes, isn't it? So sorry you're having a hard time with this phase.

There are some great suggestions already listed here. I'm sure you'll do a terrific job finding what will work for you and for your son. One things I would suggest: you mentioned how he speaks when you ask him about school and friends ("none of your business"). You might want to tell him -- firmly, but with love -- that you can understand how he feels but you won't accept disrespect in the how he speaks to you. You be respectful of him (give him his space without clinging); expect him to be respectful of you (in tone and in behavior). It will make it much easier for him to "come back" to you when he's ready if there's underlying mutual respect and courtesy.

Hang in, mama. A boy always needs his mom -- sometimes he just forgets for a while!

My son just turned 16 and he started doing this. I am a single mom so I don't have the option of having his father doing some bonding with him. His father never grew up and my son acts more mature. Yesterday I just asked him to watch the super bowl with me. We watched some of the commercials and had a good laugh together. I give him his space but I insist that we have family meals all together. He is a good kid but I have noticed that it does take boys longer to grow up.

I don't have any personal advice....just wanted you to know that I am so glad that you posted this question....because I have 12 yr. old son whose hormones leave both of us baffled at times....so I'll be checking in what other wise mama's have to say.

I have been extremely open with my son about what he is experiencing with his pubescent hormones and daily bodily changes. And due to this excessive amount of openness and medical knowledge he has been able to tell me that he just feels things so intensely and doesn't know what to do ....so I am ever grateful for his extreme involvement in sports and music and science and school so that he has a positive place to sublimate all that pent up soon to be teen stuff.

My husband had this issue with our teen daughter that's16; he can't understand how we've always had a good relationship. I explained to him it's because no matter whats going on in her life she knows that she can come to me without judgement, harsh tones, no awkward jokes, and no long parental speeches.

I have always related to her on a personal note to let her know that i identify with her but doing it on a friendly level. Kids want you to listen from early on and if there is one time they feel like you don't understand it makes them pull away. Our teen daughter knows that she can come to me on anything and talks to me every day about: school, her friends, problems, boys, reads her texts to me, talks to me about her facebook conversations... etc. since she was a small fry and even her friends love to talk to me (of course at the end I tell her friends to give their parents a chance too.) -

Plus, I have always taken a real interest in all her hobbies. Ex: She loves snowboarding...(you know its just the guys) so I go out of my way to learn about the young guys so we can talk about them. No matter what she has an interest in I stay a step ahead so I can take her places related to her interest and keep up to date on latest information so we are always on the same page and not out of touch. I even make sure to stay current on my MTV, music, artists and she loves to borrow my cds to add to her ipod. She loves to help me cook and when doing cleaning around the house I've always kept on the radio so we could have a good time. Overall, its nice to know our teen listens and respects my opinion or outlook on things in her life and takes it to heart.

Just remember kids know when parents take an actual interest in their life. Its like I told my husband, get to really know our teen, show true interest, don't give a speech, stay up to date on current events and interests that she likes and don't pressure her to talk by coming at her with numerous questions and she'll come to you. Its been a slow process...but now going on 3 months later she is now talking to dad more and glad he changed.

Your son loves you...you will reach him and he will be so open with you in the upcoming days that you may feel like...you need to be left alone at times, but you'll be glad to have him let you in.

Hi! I am going through the same issues myself, with both my son (14) and my daughter (16). They seem to think I am too old to understand or that I pry into their business or that I may say the wrong thing around their friends... But as long as you know they are not into something then you are right to think it is an age thing and no matter how you want to rationalize it with them for them to come to the realization that they are wrong and you want to be involved in their lives, it will not happen until they are ready and willing... meanwhile. we are still mama or mommy when they want to go to the mall to buy stuff or we do all their wash or buy them food, otherwise it is leave me alone mom.... Just the other day I finally had the courage to tell them that their actions were hurting me and their reaction to it was whatever.... This is a different generation from when we were young and they have grown up with a lot of other different issues, I hope the kids of today don't turn into the disengaged parents tomorrow, that would be too sad... just make sure they don't spend the whole day playing Xbox games, once they fall into that it will be hard to keep them apart from their games, especially with a boy.... Me as you hope that this too will pass! :D Hang on in there!

Check out YokaReeder.com, that has helped me alot,
Best, k