Moms of Older Kids: What Are Your Top 3 Tips for Raising Great Kids?

I taught them to be leaders and not followers. They watched both of their parents get up and go to work every single day. It gave them a work ethic.
If you don't work you don't eat... that's what their dad always told them.
I didnt let them get tats or piercings or wear their hats backwards....didn't want them to look like everyone else, they "got that" when explained to them.
They are very uniquely individual and very independent and have a very proud mother.
They are now grown men, no tats (even though they both spent 6 years in the military), no piercings and know not to wear a hat when it's not appropriate. They are awesome, successful. loving, compassionate men.

Positive reinforcement, consistency, and love. And recognizing that it takes far more than just 3 top tips to raise children the right way.

Well, my son is not "older" -- he's 8. But from the beginning I have told him:

1. Be an independent thinker.
2. Lead, don't follow.
3. You don't have to "like" everyone, but you do need to respect everyone.
4. We all have differences (race, ability, etc.) and that's a good thing.

Sorry--I had to include 4 things. At 8, I am seeing him put these ideas/concepts into action and it makes me very proud.

I teach them values, how to be a part of a family, and how to be themselves. No matter what.

My kids, even at a very young age, do know who they are, and they are not followers. They have good head's on their shoulders. They are good kids with good hearts. They are an individual. They are self-assured, and stand up for themselves. They know right and wrong... per social situations and per friends.
I teach them 'deductive' reasoning. So they learn, skills, in how to make decisions and how to "DISCERN" situations and friends. Over time and as they get older...they master it. The how's and why's of things in the world.
I guide them. Not dictate to them.
I teach them. Not dictate to them.
I teach them 'how' to think.

lots of great *tips*, it's actually hard to just list 3, so i will just add:

*stand up for yourself even when someone continually tries to knock you down
*stand up for the weak
*be the hardest worker you can possibly be & don't ever expect handouts
*for every bad action their will be a consequence (I say keep on them about the small things so they will 'reconsider' doing the big things)

I feel very blessed to have raised a hard working, self sufficient, respectful 21 yr old daughter starting her 4th year of College. Although I feel I have made mistakes at parenting, she doesn't believe they were mistakes but that all I did was out of pure love for her, and she is absolutely right.

I now have 3 more children, ages 4, 5, 7. It's truly amazing how different all 4 of my kids are. The one thing I need to change as far as my parenting is, letting go of the 'everything has to be clean & perfect all the time'. I have come a long way, even as I sit here I have a sink full of dishes & 2 loads of laundry to fold. Back in the day those things would have been done immediately, it's kind of nice to let it go.

I hope you got some good answers/ideas from your post.

3 biggest......that's a good question. how to boil it down?
first, i trusted them. they participated in creating their own curricula, they made their own friends (okay, some gentle guidance there when they were younger), they earned their own money, they made and lived with the consequences of their own decisions.
honesty has always been a big big deal. yes, people can come up with scenarios where it's *better* to lie but one has to twist oneself hard to do it. honesty is difficult and painful, and always better than the alternatives. both of my boys are exceedingly honest.
find your own faith. i know this one is hugely controversial, but i believe in it as fervently as most people (including my co-religionists for the most part) believe you must raise your kids to follow your religion faithfully lest they stray and horrible things happen. since for most of my life my religious position was 'seeker', i believe with all my heart that there are many many ways that humans can interact with the divine, and that not one single one of them is The Right Way. i wish all children would be exposed to many paths, be encouraged to explore the ones that interest them the most, and put off making any decisions until they're adults. i know it's a pipe dream, but i long for a world where everyone believes what they have been led to by their own consciences, curiosity and experience rather than blindly assuming the faiths of their fathers. neither of my children share my religion (almost no one does!) but they are tolerant, interested, widely read and intelligent on matters of religion and spirituality. their own evolving paths are unique and beautiful.
that being said, i fardled things up too. i wish i had homeschooled both of them way earlier. i wish i had been more concerned about good nutrition when they were little fellas. we were so poor and i was working so much that we ate a lot of hamburger helper and hot dogs on sale. and i'm not sure HOW i could have done better (i tried everything i could think of!) but i sure wish i'd have figured out a way to get them as self-motivated about picking up after themselves as they are about educating themselves. they are nice young men and do whatever i ask willingly (for the most part) but strap my face to the side of a hog and roll me in the mud, they will sit in the midst of utter chaos and blink bewilderedly at me when i point it out. GAHHHH!!!!!
:) khairete
S.

1. You are powerful. With great power comes great responsibility.
2. Observe. Ask questions. Think. Draw your own conclusions.
3. Be kind and generous in all things. We can all win. Life is not a zero-sum game.

My eldest is 14.

Good communication skills - which includes learning how to listen without an agenda and how to talk without lecturing/preaching.

Creating space for them to develop creativity and imagination - lots of duplo blocks, puzzles and craft stuff and very little tv or video games when they were little.

Teaching them emotional intelligence skills such as empathy, problem solving, expressing feelings in an appropriate manner, self-care, conflict resolution, etc.

To try to see things from another person's perspective, and respect the opinions of others.
To try to empathize, or at least sympathize, with another person's predicament (sick, left out, picked on, poor, neglected/abused, etc.)
To try to be thankful for what they DO have, instead of always wanting more, more, more.
To never get a credit card and not live beyond their means. To be smart w/ their $.

Clean up after yourself
Be respectful Every adult is ma’am/ sir
Listen the first time

Love and acceptance along with discipline and consistency. =D

My best decisions were:

To teach my children from a young age to clean up after themselves and to have chores and responsibilites.

To not use time outs. They don't work. Hold your children accountable and be consistent with punishing disobedience. If you don't it will rear its ugly head later. Its easier to start out more strict and losen up as they get older, than to start out loose and then try to be more strict. That doesn't work! (book: Shepherding a Child's Heart")

Spend less time cleaning and more time hugging. Time flies and then they dont want to hug or sit on your lap anymore.All they want to do is borrow the car )0:

Spend twice as much time praising or finding things they did right, than what they did wrong. Tell them they are what you want them to become- and they WILL live up to it. DON'T name call- they will become what you label them as.

Pray for them , out loud, in front of them, so they see that you are their advocate and on their side. Keep God in the picture. Moral values are GOOD for familes. If they weren't, God wouldn't have suggested them in
the first place.

Teach them to forgive, not because they HAVE to, but out of apreciation that they themselves have been forgiven, and so they can turn around and be as grace filled with others.

The Bible has EVERY good tip about raising children that you can imagine in it. Gods instructions for you. You cannot go wrong by following it. Following social/societal/secular ideas does NOT bring blessing.

I especially tried to always mean what I said i.e. do not threaten punishment for wrondoing and not carry it out (be reasonable in punishments) and if you tell your child (ren) that something nice is going to happen like a trip to the park or something they will enjoy...do it. If you don't, explain why...weather or other reasons. If you don't have the money, own up to it and make other plans that you can afford.
If you and your child have a disagreement and it turns out that they were right and you were wrong...apologize!!!
Always maintain your sense of humour even when you dare not let the kids see you laugh.

Consistency, outweighing trouble with an abundance of love/positive input, striking the right balance between work and play. I can see a huge (positive) difference when these things are happening in our home. When things are off at home, one or more of these things are also off.

The main thing I taught my kids from the time they were little was, "Think before you do".
Always be honest. Tell me the truth and we can work it out. If you don't tell the truth and I find out, which I always will, then you're in double trouble.
Be kind and give of yourself when you can. Don't expect anything in return. The reward is in doing it and feeling good about it.

Three things.....
I've raised some pretty good kids.

According to them, my sister, husband and mother-I did nothing right-and yet, they are all amazing!

Make sure they know they are loved. Try not to say "no" unless you have to, but when you do, stand your ground. Support them in their interests. Know their friends. Listen. Okay - that's more than 3 - sorry! :)

1.consistency with punishments
2. diet and exercise
3.lots of hugs and kisses and "i love yous"!

I always pick(ed) my battles too (with both the now 19 year old and my 4 year old). Things I suggested, things I demanded/others I would not stand for, and others that were more "whatever floats their boats" . The three things I stressed were: to be himself/herself, be honest, and work hard/stick with commitments.

-clean up after yourself, your mother is NOT your maid
-treat others the way YOU wish to be treated
-always, always say please and thank you
My only regret is that my kids have never seen me work outside the home, I'm afraid as teens they don't give me much credit for that, I hope someday they will :(