Moms Group Disaster

Updated on January 19, 2008
K.F. asks from Seattle, WA
8 answers

Last week I went to my first moms/ toddler group. I really wanted to meet other moms, make some friends for my son and I and just get out of the house. I walked in and first thing went up to introduce myself to some of the other moms. I was so shocked to get the cold shoulder. They just looked me up an down, I had to prompt them to tell me there names, they had no interest in getting to know me at all. They were supposed to be discussing a topic but all they seemed to do was pair off into clicks and ignore me. I felt like I was in highschool. I tried to be friendly, ask questions to them and just try to engage with them but I felt like I had some disease they werent trying to catch. All they did was compare kids, get defensive and give sly insults. Now I know that most women can be pretty competetive, Its human nature but I thought we could all let down our guards and get to know one another. I can't imagine what if anything I did wrong. Anyhow, I'm looking to meet easy going moms in my community that have children close to my sons age (13 months). I live in Desmoines, I work part time, mostly on weekends so I have alot of free time during the week. Thanks

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J.D.

answers from Seattle on

Hi K.,

Wow I can't believe that, Sorry that happened to you it is clearly not a open group. That is definately not normal. I belong to a wonderful meetup group called the Kent mom's and everyone in the group is great I can't say I ever felt like that nor do I think any one else has. You can go to meetup.com and there are meetups in your area I just happen to be in Kent but I have had pretty good luck with it mainly because most of the mom's are all looking for the same thing, fun for us and the the kids. Hope this helps.

J.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.F.

answers from Seattle on

Hi K.,

I'm sorry you had a bad experience! I too am a part of the Kent Moms Meetup Group on meetup.com. I would recommend that group as well as looking into a Moms n Tots group or MOPs group in your area. I would recommend the one I go to at Highlands Community Church on Tuesdays at 9:30 am, but I'm sure that is probably too far for you to go, but I'm sure there are plenty close to you. I also have met a few people through recreational activities through the City of Kent for my son. They have classes from birth up. You could check with the city of Des Moines or Federal Way too if distance is a factor. Good luck and keep trying until you find the right group cause they're out there!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Seattle on

hey K.! i'm sorry to hear about your experience!

not to excuse the behavior, but i know from experience in my own group that sometimes moms get comfortable in their friendships and forget what it's like to be the new person. the whole "tired mama" thing comes into play too sometimes....where you just want to go to an event and not have to be friendly...having a bad day, tired b/c the kiddies have been up all night, etc..

if it was the only group in the area, i'd say give it another shot and give them the benefit of the doubt....but since it's not, don't feel bad about shopping around until you find a group that makes you feel welcome and comfortable. (i hope that you find that in the fw meetup group!! i'm looking forward to meeting you this week!)

1 mom found this helpful
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K.L.

answers from Seattle on

I joined a MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) group in our area. There are several. I am sure you could find one close to you. It is a Christian based organization, but you don't have to be a Christian to be a part of MOPS. It has been wonderful for me. We meet twice a month. They have childcare for your kids and you get time to sit, relax and meet other women that have kids the same age. There are speakers that come and talk about different topics. It is a wonderful avenue to meet other women, develop friendships and initiate play dates with your kids.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.M.

answers from Seattle on

K.,
I know hor you feel. For some reason there are some mommies in their own little cliques. But don't get down hearted. Look into MOPS mothers of preschoolers but not limited to preschoolers( it is a church based group but not all religiousy) they are there for moms and you can meet some great moms in the same boat.
S.

Mother of three girls-12yr,8 1/2yrs and 4yr

1 mom found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Seattle on

Dear K.,

I'm so sorry you experienced that. I have had similar experiences where I live in Gig Harbor. I moved here 7 years ago and found it very difficult to make friends. It seems like people in Western Washington are busy, busy and independent. Sticking to themselves and those they know.

When I had my son, 2002, I went to a MOPS group. (Mothers of Preschoolers) I didn't make a lot of friends, but the few I did have stuck by me. Many of them were transplants as well. I have since found a smaller country church and have since made more.

I hope you are able to persevere through this. I wish I lived closer. I will pray that God brings you true friends.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.K.

answers from Seattle on

Chin up K., I had the exact same thing happen to me when I joined our local PTA. The first meeting I went to I was treated like an intruder. I stoped going and have learned that if people are going to treat you like that all you can do is ignore and go on. I have made MANY wondlerful friends since then and my kids have grown and made good friends on there own also.

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L.M.

answers from Seattle on

What a horrible experience. I joined a MOPS group (in Federal Way) several years ago. It was very clique-y too, but within a few months there was a huge change in membership/leadership and now it's a great group. I'm glad I stuck with them, but the women who were so cold have all left, so I guess it's not really the "same" group. Check out Mops.org and just keep visiting groups until you find one that "fits".

L.

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