Mommy Guilt Due to Prolonged Pacifier Use

What's done is done. you were doing what you thought was best at the time, and now you are giving him therapy and doing what is the best you can now. So focus on that.

I sucked my finger till I was 6 years old!! I only stopped as a bribe for a Cabbage Patch doll!! Be glad you stopped him when you did :)

Awww it is ok....we all look back and think If only I had done this or that instead, and since we cannot go back we have to go forward, you are doing the best you can and getting he is getting therapy. ( My 4 year old still sucks his thumb!)

Is it just a theory, or has it been proved that's the cause? I'm sure there are so many other factors. I would not assume that the pacifier is the sole cause.

OK... no idea if this will make you feel any better, but two of my closest friends are dentists and they have both let their kids use pacifiers until age 3. Both say it really really really doesn't hurt the mouth unless parents let their kids walk around with pacifiers all day every day.

Many kids have tongue thrust and/or articulation issues... and didn't have extended pacifier use. So please, please, please, stop beating yourself up over this. You didn't cause this problem for your son. It was going to happen pacifier or no pacifier. (hugs)

Like everyone has said...you are being WAY to hard on yourself. All 3 of my kids used the paci until at least 2.5 or 3. I totally agree with the poster who said they thought you were going to say your son used it until he was 6 or something. 2.5 or 3 is a very "normal" age in my opinion and you didn't do anything to create a problem. If you would have taken it away earlier he may have become a thumb sucker and thet could have lasted a lot longer. All you can do now is put him in speech (which you are a wonderful mom for doing by the way...some parents don't want to face a problem and hope it will go away on its own) and support him. Kudos to you mom...you have NOTHING to feel guilty about!

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You are doing the best that you can. NO one is a perfect mom. There is no such thing as a perfect mom and even as moms we are still learning and growing but the best part is that your kids will still love you because you are their mom. I'm sure your 7 year old will be fine. Best of luck to you!

Lots of things are seen in hindsight... only thing you can do is make sure you try to educate other parents and don't do the same mistakes with the rest of your children.

It's okay. Sometimes I think kids grow up in spite of us instead of because of us. Here's one of the times I had a "horrible mother moment." When my oldest was a toddler, we used to throw really soft, plush toys at her. She thought it was hilarious, and we delighted in making her giggle and squeal. Well, fast forward six months when she's getting in trouble at church and at daycare for throwing toys at other kids (and not just soft, cuddly ones). It was so much fun at home that she just didn't understand why her poor friend Lucy didn't want a Thomas the Tank Engine in the nose. We were fortunate that she's a verbal kid, so we could explain it to her and "fix it" quickly.

At any rate, sometimes we screw up some things for our kids. If we take it in humility, it is a learning opportunity for us as well as our children. Most of the time we see parenting as raising children, teaching them how to be adults (eventually), but God gives us children so that we can learn as well. I've learned more in the last 4 years as a parent than I probably did the whole 25 years before that.

And... maybe it wasn't the paci. Plenty of kids use a paci for that long, and most of them probably don't have the same issues as your kiddo. Maybe it wasn't you. =) Just a thought.

My son us 2 and a half and still using his pacifier. It brings him so much comfort and I don't like forcing him to figure out other ways to calm down. As adults we have habits or things we use to unwind but we expect kids to survive without having their own vices? You don't need to have any guilt over the choices you made. He could have speech problems even if he didn't use a pacifier. You made the choice (in that moment) that made him feel loved and safe. Be proud of yourself for meeting your sons needs.

I didn't read all of the responses... but...

Don't be so hard on yourself... my DD#1 was a thumbsucker until she was 4, my DD#2 had a paci until she was 4, and my DS had a paci until he turned just over 3 (this past January)... and they all speak fine. (And sometimes I wish they would put their paci/thumb back in so they would give me 5 minutes of quiet! LOL J/K)

And I know that it's a concern for you, but you said you wished you would have stopped his dependence... but look at it this way... you allowed your son to be able to soothe HIMSELF... teaching him a little bit of INDEPENDENCE... he didn't always have to rely on you to soothe him!

But as other posters have said... don't be so hard on yourself. You did what you did to get it done...

"When you know better you do better" is a quote I heard somewhere. Please do not beat yourself up. You obviously want what is best for your child and you did not know this may cause a problem. Let it go. You are getting him help now and that is what is important. My grandmother used to let my mom X-ray her feet at the corner shoe store. Can you imagine?

EDIT: My kids didn't like the pacifier otherwise I maybe in your shoes right now. I didn't know the damage it can cause.

My older two had their until they were four and three.

My middle guy has such bad dental issues from his bink. I feel like a jerk because I didnt take it from him sooner.

You will eventually be at peace with the fact this is just now a part of life. Whether the bink was actually the culprit...who will ever know...unless they were able to tell you that is what did it for sure...

You did what you had to do to help pacify and soothe him back then. Deal with now and work on making it better with the therapy. He is 7, so you are doing something about it early.

Relax -- it's not the binky. It is what it is.
My son had a binky until he was 3 and it wasn't the binky that made him have to have speech therapy -- it was the fact that he had a gazillion ear infections and couldn't hear. Do I feel bad about his speech therapy? Heck no! I was thrilled that he could go to a professional who could teach him how to speak properly.

If it isn't the binky making you feel guilty, it will be something else. Get over the mommy guilt. You can't live your life looking backward wishing you could undo stuff. You did what you did when you did it because you were putting one foot in front of the other and getting through the day.
Live your life. Parent your kid the best you can.

They get too big too fast... focus on the here and now. Before you know it, he will be off to college... and this speech therapy will be a distant memory.

YMMV
LBC

Did the therapist tell you that prolonged use of the pacifier caused these issues? The reason I say this is because I had a pacifier until I was almost 6 years old. Yes, it's horribly embarrassing, but someone should have taken it away! They didn't for their own reasons, but that is a long story. Anyway, I had no problems with speech. I have also known others to leave their kids with the paci for too long, and their kids didn't have an issue. I think you are being too hard on yourself.

My siblings and I all sucked our thumbs until we were 7. None of us had speech or teeth issues. I don't believe the research supports that pacifiers or thumb sucking cause these issues.

Honestly, I don't think 2.5 or 3 is that long. I was expecting you to say 5-6 years old. Besides, kids have their thumbs with them all the time not every kid that sucks their thumb has issues. Don't beat yourself up. Sometimes we try to control a situation that's beyond our control by finding a way to blame ourselves for it. Breathe - you're not to blame.

There's not really any research that shows there is a relationship to using a pacifier and having mouth issues later. This could be some other cause.

Don't feel bad. I dont think it was the paci. My daughter now 7 had a binky till after she was 3! She speaks just fine. It probably has nothing to do with it. My 2 1/2 yr got rid of her binky at 1 and she has speach problems.
: D

Don't feel guilty. I know other parents whose children use/used pacifiers late (our sitter's child, age 2.5 still does), and it has not affected the children's speech. So while it's possible/probable that the pacifier contributed, it's not necessarily the only causative factor to the speech issue.

Oh man, my son used his until just before his 4th birthday!! BUT he only had it at night, and it would fall out of his mouth as soon as he was asleep. I can't imagine a pacifier would be the sole cause of those types of problems. Like others have said, don't feel guilty about it. We are all just doing our best at this whole motherhood thing!!

Some people can have speech issues without having a paci... and other have speech issues due to pacis. And YES there is a link. But we all think it will never happen to us.. right? It is just one of those things, ya know... it happens and your child will be just fine.