Mommy Guilt - San Antonio,TX

My kids are 16, 7 and 1 and i feel like that as well. My older ones love the baby and understand her needs come first. I do (or try) alone time with each girl each week....might be a trip to walmart or grocery store but it works for us. I don't think there's a magic perfect number of kids.... you just do you best.

Relax the mommy guilt, they have EACH OTHER! Kids who rely on mommy for constant companionship and attention are usually less content than kids who know how to play independently and with each other.
And remember, moms "playing" with their kids is a relatively new concept anyway as mothers throughout time spent many hours a day just trying to keep their children clean, safe, healthy and fed :-)

Aw, big hugs to you. The fact that you're worried makes me think you're a great mom. I only have two kids and can't imagine how hard you must work with four. But those little ones will grow up soon and your life will be less hectic. Just remember, this all will pass. Nothing is permanent with kids, even though sometimes we wish it could be. Hang in there and try to enjoy those babies as much as you can.

Hi Mommy,

Do your kids have love, food, clean cloths, play time, clean home, warm beds, prayers and story books? If so (even when it seems like one gets more attention than another), you're doing to best you can. Many ONLY children do not have all the attention they need and deserve.

Instead of beating yourself up, just sit down and make a pro and con list and make some adjustments.

if there was a "right" number, would it matter? you love your kids. you're just having a rough time. i won't lie to you - as the oldest of 4, yes, my mom was often grouchy, i often took care of the little ones, and i didn't get a lot of one-on-one time with my mom. but it was no better or worse than others' childhoods. we grew up loved and happy. and now i have a wonderful relationship with my mom, she's one of my best friends. i am not SUPER close to my siblings, but we love each other, we have each other's backs for the most part, and we are family. don't sweat these "guilty" feelings - moms of onlies have huge guilt too sometimes! there's ALWAYS something to feel guilty about, as a mom. if it wasn't this, it'd be something else!

Involve your children in helping you do routine chores and talk to them. They are amazingly resilient and just the dialog and interaction will be special to them. The older ones will feel grown up and special to share in big girl things with mom. Cut yourself some slack. By virtue of you posing this question, you are a caring and loving mom. They are not being cheated. Share hugs around and remark about how good those hugs are...they are like gold. Breathe deeply and know that this will pass. I don't believe there is an "ideal number" of children to have. There is an ideal number to love - all of them. Be encouraged.

I have 1 child, so i have lots of time with her, but i have friends that were from HUGE families, Most my friends were 1 of 7. Thats right they have 6 brothers and sisters! And they all seem to be fine. I never heard any of them claim that they didnt spend as much time with there parents, most of them helped take care of them, But i never heard anything bad from them. I say your a good parent. and no there is no set amount of children a person could have. I would love to have TONS. but im trying to finish school first before anymore. Good luck also one thing i do remember is that once a week, the mother would have mother child day, and only 1 child would go out with there mom while they did there shopping, or go do something small. that way each child got to spend some one on one time with their mom

Let go of the guilt.
I always wanted a bunch of kids. It wasn't in the cards for me.
I got two 10 years apart.

I don't regret it.
The thing is that kids are all invividuals and you just have to find a way to spend one on one time with each of them. Of course, babies require more time, But, you can enlist the older ones to help you. And, you can make sure that you find a way to spend "older" time with your older kids so they don't feel left out.

It's a juggling act, to be sure, but I doubt seriously that your children feel they are being as cheated as YOU feel they are.

Different ages require different things so you can focus on each separately, include them in things they can all enjoy together. It's a juggling act, but you can enlist the older ones in things that the babies can't do and enlist their help with the little ones.

It's a matter of managing, that's all. You really don't have to feel guilty.

Best wishes.

The right number is the number you have at the moment. The fact that you are a SAHM is great because you have given each of them their time when they were babies. You can squeeze in time with each child on different days when the little one is napping. If you are making dinner, include one of the kids. If you are setting the table, unloading the dishwasher, etc., you can include the older ones. My lower pantry shelves were where the dishes and cups went so my kids could help unload the dishwasher or set the table. (I put panty-type items where most people put their dishes and cups.)

Everything can become a game. Just smile and laugh a lot. Your kids are learning that they are not the center of the universe and that families work together. There will be time for one-on-one adventures as they get older. If you get a chance to run to the store while your husband stays home with the kids, take one of the kids with you. Buy a special snack for the trip home that is a secret.

Give lots of hugs and lose the guilt. Let those moms who don't spend time with their kids because they are doing stuff for themselves excessively take all the guilt. I doubt that you let them cry while you play games on the Internet.

Take a deep breath. It does not sound like your a bad mother, after all you are comming here for help. Get the older kids helping with the younger and make it a family thing. Make sure you take everyone to the park with an enclosed fence so the 6 and 4 can run around even while you have the younger ones.

We had friends growing up with 8 kids and one son told my mom once it was way too many and he'd never do that to his kids. But that's 2x what you have. And I see you're a SAHM so you're THERE. I have 2 kids but feel guilty bc I work and when I'm home, I try to focus and I do for the most part but there's the debate over quality vs quantity of time that no one can answer and probably both are right. As someone said, mothers never used to play with their kdis. My mom only had two and she says now she never even read me a book! But I never felt neglected and instead try to model myself after her bc all I remember is she was always there for me. She stayed home... You'll feel better when they're older and you see that you're overall a very good role model for them. Also, my sister said she has a friend who had to question his parents' love for him. He says that's the only thing that matters. Everything else is little details. If your kids know you love them, you're fine.

We have 5, and at times I feel as though Im not giving them much of my time.
But, our two oldest are in their teens. We talk and they comfirm that, they have had and still enjoy all the time together.. and being older they love having all their younger brothers and sisters to help and love back.
They love teaching our youngests to cook.
that s one of many things we do as a family, cook, walks, hikes, camping, fishing ,.
We enjoy every moment together, even if its only the girls going to pick up the mail we make it fun, by picking up flowers along the way.
The boys play ball withthem, or go for a jogg and take our pet (GS)with.
We also dont just think girls in the kitchen and boys outdoors,. We keep it fair and 50/50.
Lots of huggs.
I also have some nap time for the 3 younger ones so that in that time our teenager and us get some hanging together time.
:)

Yes, you older children are probably "suffering" because you have to attend the younger ones. But that's okay. There are somethings that you can do about it. Hire a sitter and take one on one dates with your kids. Or do it on the weekends when your DH can watch the other ones. Take them to the movies, window shopping- what ever- it doesn't matter, so long as you are getting one on one time with each of the older kids.

I think you may be making a mountain out of a molehill. THere is no "right" number. As they get older, it will get easier. I promise!