Mommy Blues - Need a Pick Me Up, Joke or Funny Story

My 4.5 year old son told me a joke recently:
"Mommy, why was the dog hot?"
Answer: " Because he is a Hot-Dog!"

I laughed my pants off when he told me that.

Another cute one:
Just this morning, I was sitting down for just a second, and he jumps on my lap. He is a big tall heavy boy. I tell him "Can you sit on the sofa, you are so big for my lap and you're smashing me." Then he tells me "But Mommy I love you, and want to be close to you..."
Aw...

My nearly five year old niece got on the phone the other day and told me that she thinks Justin Beaver (instead of beiber) was cute and hot. While her dad is in the background yelling "WHAT did you say?"

My daughter's name is Raven, this same niece used to call her baby Raisin. If you tried to correct her she would tell you you were wrong but....

That is still better than what my daughter is currently calling herself which would be Rabies...sigh

Okay, here comes a kid joke.

Q; why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

A; To get to the bottom!

Good luck with the tests. I hope it's a good result. Allow some indulgent time for yourself if you can. We all deserve it.

God turned water into wine for a reason... indulge a little :)

When my 2yo son, an only child, was telling us the other night about the people he loved:

Son: "I love my momma, and daddy. And I love my sister Sarah."
Daddy: "Sarah?"
Son: "Sarah the owl. She eats mice."

???????

I have no idea where he got that--we're not watching any bird or nature shows, and not reading any books about anything like that! LOL.

just got these in the work email

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelly, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelly would
say,"And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelly, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody else always finishes their prayers by saying 'All Men!"

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."

Other then my son walking around with his socks in hand saying aloud, very, VERY loudly " I loved my SEX's" he just doesn't quit get the word right! First time he yelled it out was in the store when we were picking out a new package and then he started singing it as we walked. Couldn't convince him to stop he loved them soo much :)

Our 3.5 YO daughter is always good for a laugh. Here are the comments from this week that you might find amusing. :)

(on the phone with my husband and daughter)
Me: Hi, sweetheart! How was your day?
S: It was good!
Me: Did you take a nap?
S: Not really.
(DH in the background - "Tell Mommy you need to learn the value of sleep.")
S: Mommy, I need to learn the value of sleep.

The neighbor boy who S plays with often is gone on vacation this week. She made a card for him and told me we need to get it to him so he will remember he loves her. I asked her if she loves him, and she said, "We'll figure that out tomorrow."

S this morning on the way to daycare re: streets we took: "When I was a kid, I didn't know which way to go." Good thing your so grown up, now!

There was a picture of my family and it had my step mother in it next to my sister and they look so much a like... My five year old picks it up and says " Oh my gosh there are two auntie Jennas lol... The expression was priceless

my great niece just turned three. Her parents decided to buy her an actual pony(because she asked for it) after opening all her presents her mom said she should check outside because dad left one out there.
We walked outside everyone was so excited her mom says- Oh my gosh Look there is a pony out there.
She say's- Yep there is, hey daddy where is the present you left?
gotta love kids

We were at a restaurant and working on my daughter's manners. My daughter ordered food off the kids menu and an ice cream sundae for dessert.

The waitress brought out just our food (no dessert yet) and set it in front of us. My husband and I made sure to thank the waitress. My daughter didn't say anything when her food was put in front of her.

My husband turned to my daughter and said "you didn't thank the waitress."

I said "well, maybe she's not thankful."

Then my daughter looks at us all indignant and says loudly "I am TOO thankful! NOW WHERE'S MY ICE CREAM?"

LOL!

Well our daughter is a junior in college! Yikes.

She was elected vice president of her house (like a dorm, but way nicer) for her senior year.
When she posted it on FB, I asked her if it meant she "was in charge of the House Beaver?"

Oh boy.. His name is Cleatus, yes, Cleatus the Beaver at a woman's college just makes it worse.
(the mascot had been chosen and named in the late 1800's)

Well the posts were pretty darn funny. I of course knew the slang usage, but I asked and then had to run an errand and by the time I got back the post had taken on a life of its own.

I deleted the post and then had to explain about the mascot. Our daughter says "the stuffed Beaver is disgusting and looks like it has mange".. Oh, it never gets old.. A beaver covered in mange.

It sounds to me like you need a break. Not a big break, not run away, because you are needed. Although that may be nice for a weekend, you need it every day, for a few minutes, just to recharge. You need to remember you are important too. And I think it will also remind your husband. What are you doing for your mom's night out? Have you ever enjoyed a girl's night in? That is what I do. I bring a spa to you, or you and a group of your friends. I can come to your house, or to a friends house for you. I bring spa things and pamper you, remind you how important it is every day for you to take a few minutes of your time to pamper yourself, and show you how to do it. I can even provide you with the spa products to take home with you to pamper yourself at home for a fraction of the price of a spa. You will be given a warming gel neckwrap to keep, enjoy a facial, a foot rub and relaxation in between as well as fun with your friends, what could be better? Every woman needs some 'me' time in order to give her whole self back to her family every day. You are worth it too.
L. D
www.beautipage.com/ldulaney

This is true - and I always laugh about it when I think of it, and when I tell people they crack up too.

I was with my MIL one day at my house, and it was hot it the house. I asked her "are you hot?"

Her reply - "YES, but I don't like to brag about it!!!"

HA HA!!