... its great you are trying to do the right thing... wanting to be a "Partner" and a "Dad."
It seems... your intentions... are genuine.
But... no where in your post... did you mention anything about how you feel about her?? Do you love her? Are you just doing this... out of your wanting a child??? Do you really... see a future with her.... SOLIDLY?
Naturally... she is overwhelmed. She just had a baby. She is going to school. She is not solidly in a profession as you are. HER life... is still changing... motherhood... is a real doozy. It takes a TON... or readjusting too... and to have a Man in her life... whom she has not known long... is quite... overwhelming too. But she had a baby with you... still... that does not mean... she is ready... to do the marriage and living together thing.
She probably... envisioned having a "Husband" and a child... the traditional way. Like most women dream of. Not JUST because... of an accidental, pregnancy.... and to then shack up or get married shot gun style.
There is a TON of things, for her to digest. PLUS... you went ahead... and did things... despite her feelings on it. ie: Buying the car. Getting an apartment. Assuming that bills would be split 50/50. (when she does NOT have the same earnings as you. That is not equitable by the way).
In other words.... you are "planning" your AND Her life... without really considering... her feelings on it or her visions of what she is going through. You are just "ASSUMING" things.... and going ahead with it. Trying to convince her.
Luckily for you... she is NOT a "mooch" or a leach... who got pregnant on purpose and is trying to use you. SO... count that as a blessing. For you. She seems to have admirable qualities and a smart head on her shoulder. GOOD for you.... she is an independent Woman. Appreciate that. She is.... trying to be wise... and not "rush" anything. Which is smart.
And YES... you both need to get to know each other better. NO woman... wants to.... be married to a Man.... whom she does not know... nor feel 100% confident/safe/trusting/positive about. She is actually SMART... for not just rushing to get married. Because otherwise, she could potentially end up... in a very bad situation. MANY women.... are victimized that way. So you need to understand... that women... will always look out for that.... AND their child.... and not commit until they KNOW... in their heart...that things are.... normal and healthy and good. That you are.... a normal good Man... whom she also has to "love" as well... not just play the role and play house with.
In fact, if I were her... I would background-check you. I would also want to see your resume..... and I would... thoroughly, check out your background and stability....
AND you also did NOT mention... if YOU met her Family and if she met yours????
The thing is... you seem to really want this and her and the baby. BUT is it really... or is it just the 'idea' of it... that you want? ie: a family and another baby.... and it does not matter with whom? Or is it really HER.... that you value and cherish and love... in your HEART. AND that you care for her?????
If you do care for her... genuinely.... (even if she did not have a baby).... would you STILL want to marry her and be with her.... and all that stuff????
If you do care for her... you WILL wait for her.... and be there for her at the same time... AND still be caring... and NOT toss ultimatums or challenges or conundrums... her way. If a Man... REALLY loves and cares for the woman... he WILL... be patient and nurture the relationship caring-ly..... and respect.... her.
If you really want to get to know her.... then you will... like any other normal couple... and always talking about it... and not it being ONLY one way or one sided.
AND yes... any woman, would worry about getting pregnant again... by accident.
And yes... she DOES have to think about HER future... HER education... HER career... HER baby with you... and the 'future'.... is all very overwhelming to a new Mom.
She feels.... like she is being manipulated. That maybe you will take her baby from her. That you are just a fox in sheep's clothing..... that you will control her... that you will take advantage of her because she does not have the financial strength as you do.... that she will become... hurt.
Like many men.... do to women and their child.
It is the ugly side... to relationships.... but reality..
IF you are an upstanding Man... who cares about her.... then... you will stay by her side... and help and care and nurture and get to know her for her... not because of, the baby.
Its great you want to be a Dad and are trying your best... to do what is best.
I know this is hard for you... but women, in this society... have to be REAL REAL wary... of a Man... and how that will affect her life and her child. And it also has to do with TRUST. AND... if you are true blue and completely genuine with no hidden agenda... THEN your actions will be the same as what comes out of your mouth. AND... you will not put only yourself... first.
The bottom line is: IF you love her.... for her??? She does not know that... and is wary of you.... because of that... too.
And by the way... married or not... you both have to contribute to the raising/care of the baby. BUT... you say to split things 50/50. Well, that is not equitable... because, she does not have the same income as you. She CANNOT put in the same amount or money. DO you see that???
AND if you are a couple... usually the one with the financial/money/job strength... is the one who will naturally support the family. DO you realize that??? And if you are married... will you also support her going to school? Will you support her working? HOW do you 'expect' her to be as a "Wife?????" Because... IF your and her ideas about that differ.... then you will have conflict... or you will have to learn to respect each other for who you are... not about what you do for other. It is not about keeping tabs on each other or tallying how much $ one has versus the other, or who buys more diapers than the other etc. It is a JOINT.... effort.... on everything.... material AND emotionally.
You cannot just keep doing what YOU are doing and investing in... and then expect her to just fit into that. YOU have to REadjust... your life, your finances...and everything too.... compromising, sacrificing... spending less here and more there... and thinking about about it JOINTLY.... with her. That is what "marriage" is.
AND not just expecting the woman... to 'become' what you want.. what if her ideas on what a "wife" is... is different than yours??? And her idea of what a "Husband" is is different from yours???
Lots.... to contemplate... and discuss... and see about.
DO NOT rush it. Let it be a "courtship."
all the best,
Susan