Mom Seeking Hygiene Advice for a 11 Year Old

My sister-in-law had that same problem with her daughters. She bought them nair plus showed them how to shave and let them decide which one they liked better.

I would say if it doesn't bother her don't make a big deal out of it .. that could cause her to have a negative view of herself. My 11yo has hairy arms and someone said something about that .. next thing I know she's shaving her arms!! She now thinks 'they're ugly because they're so hairy.' Until she approaches you I'd let it ride ...

J.,

I have (had) dark hair and hairy legs just as dark as a kid, and boy did I feel badly when I was at summer camp and the mean girl in the bunk started making fun of me...every day at swim time. My daughter is blond, so I thought maybe it wouldbe easier for her...but the hair comes, anyway. I had been noticing it for a while, and last summer I gently brought it up with her, just conversationally, and she was all ears...whenever I thought it might be a good time. We started a few months later and used Veet. Works well, but is combersome and smelly. We just switched to an electric razor that works very well and it's so much easier. I had her shave only up to the knee, although she may need to do more this summer, unfortunately. If she had not wanted to shave/use Veet, I would have been fine with that, but I did think it important that I bring it up with her.

Good luck.

J.,
Since it is not bothering your daughter, I would say let it go. I had very hairy legs as a young girl. I didn't shave them until I was in middle school or early high school when someone commented about it. A friend of mine also has hairy legs, but does not shave them. She said her husband thinks they are sexy so she feels okay with them.

My mother was always mentioning things to me that a woman should do. As a result, I developed a complex around her. Although we were close until she recently passed away, I always felt uneasy about my womanhood around her. Your daughter is going to have people expressing their idea of beauty to her for many years to come, so I would just let it ride until it bothers her. If it never bothers her, then I applaud her for being an individual.

don't use any products at all on her, way to young and why? just hair and she is 10 and she'll be fine.

When it bothers her, then worry, until then, relax. just make sure you talked to her about her body changing and her cycle coming up.

She will have 40 plus years to shave, why rush it.

Actually I only now shave my bottom legs top barely any hair and if people come up that close that's there problem.

Does her school do a hygiene talk to kids her age? When I taught fifth grade (10/11year olds) the school had a nurse come in and talk to the children about showering often, deodorant, pimples, shaving, and for the girls periods. A lot of the parents had said to me that it was great because it made it easier to introduce these topics at home. Especially for the girls about shaving and periods. They said it was good for the boys about using deodorant, and showering.

If this is not offered at her school, or just not at this time, try to bring it up at home without making her uncomfortable. Maybe try to tell her that she is getting older now and becoming quite a woman, and some women like to shave there legs. Ask her if this would be something that she would be interested in. I wouldn't force the issue, but definately talk to her about some way or another, only because you don't want her to be teased for it. I have seen a lot about that, and girls are just so mean.

From my own personal experience I found Nair to be painful, but it's been a while since I've used it. Maybe it's better now, and there is this product called Veet. Hope this was helpful to you. Good luck.
C.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, but I am interested in what everyone else says. I am kind of in the same boat. One of my 10 yr old's legs is a lot hairier than the other one. It has been that way since birth. The dr said it was kind of like a birth mark. When she was born it was just on her thigh but as she has gotten older it is her whole leg. She tried some shorts on yesterday and it is definitely noticeable. I haven't said anything to her though because I don't want to give her a complex about it. So you are not alone.

I have two daughters. One had hairy legs and was very concerned with how she looked. We allowed her to start using Nair when she was 10. Since that time, she does not like the smell of Nair and says it sometimes burns so she does shave.
My other daughter wasnt concerned about her hair on her legs. She waited until 12 and started shaving then.
I did speak with my pediatrician about the right age. I was told when they notice it and start asking then it is the time to do something.

I wouldn't worry about it. I think 11 might be a little too young, especially since she hasn't mentioned it yet. If it were my child, I think I would wait until about 13 or so.

My daughter was 11 last summer and I had the same problem. Although her hair was light in color it was abundant. It turned out that as pool season arrived she asked on her own. So we had a leg shaving party on the side of the tub one night. Most times I have found that with just a little question like "do any of the other girls your age shave their legs yet? You let me know if I need to buy you products to do yours" and then drop it, they usually start thinking and will be back soon. And then make it a fun "girl time" to pick out products and instruct. Hope it works out well for you.

When my daughter was 10 she had and still has the same problem.. We started with Nair for her but it caused her to itch something awful for some reason.. After a few times she became used to it. She is now 13 and has been shaving her legs for the past year. The first few times I helped her and showed her how so she didnt cut herself. At your daughters age other kids can be real cruel if she has hairy legs so now is a good time to start. Good luck and best wishes to you and your daughter.

Hi J.,
I put the topic out there ONLY as it applies to you..you could say "Geez--I knocked by leg shaving" and see if she takes the bait. If she is uninterested, I'd drop it. Soon enough, the other girls will begin shaving and it will probably be a BIG topic! Let her initiate the decision.
That's my opinion! Good luck to you,

I would talk to her about it now. Ask her if she would like to try shaving. You don't have to force her, but she may already want to. I don't know about your relationship, but not all girls are comfortable asking about things like this. I wish my mom would have said something to me earlier... before my older sister and kids at school started teasing me about it. At the time my mom used an electric shaver, so that's what we used too. I know the other girls in my class used regular razors. I don't know anyone that Nair works for, besides when I tried it I couldn't stand the smell. If you're worried about her cutting herself, maybe the electric one is the way to go.

If the hair doesn't bother your daughter, then I'd be reluctant to step in to remove it -- we get so overwhelmed with our appearance soon enough, I wouldn't want to get her worried about it earlier than necessary. And "hairy" isn't so bad if the hair is light in color. That said, if it does begin to bother her this spring or if you really feel it's that bad (the hair is not only thick but really noticeable) I wouldn't start with a chemical remover like Nair, I rarely use that stuff myself because it makes me uncomfortable (the one time I used a similar product, it caused my follicles to bleed). I would start with shaving and teaching her how to do it carefully. good luck!

Hi J.!
I also have a 10 year old daughter who will be 11 next month.
About a year ago I noticed when she started developing that her legs were getting hairy but it didn't seem to be bother her until one of the boys at school said something about. So, I bought an electric razor and that didn't really work well. So then I started using Nair. And she LOVES it! I don't have to worry about her ever cutting herself with a razor and it's easy to teach her to rub on like lotion but not to rub it all the way in. And it lasts a lot longer then worrying about any other product ie:shaving, or electric razor and gives her a grewt smooth feeling that she loves. I bet once she sees how smooth her legs look after use, she will love it too! Especially now the warm weather is coming and shorts will be warn a lot.
Hope this helps!

Hi J.,

I wouldn't worry about it if she isn't. The fact is American women shave because savvy advertisers promoted it back in the early 1900's. Shaving has gone back probably as far as time but, it's always been about conformity and vanity. Just some food for thought. Take care.

TJ

My advice would be to talk to her about it. I would mention that since shorts season is coming up it occured to you that she might want to start shaving her legs, and that when she is ready to come to you to decide which method is best for her. I say this because I tried shaving myself and I have a an inch long scar on my leg to remember it.

I would avoid the Nair. The chemicals are pretty harsh for young skin and in my personal experience, Nair didn't work very well. When I first started shaving my legs (around your daughter's age) my mother gave me an electric razor. It might not be as close of a shave as a regular razor but at least you won't have to worry about her cutting herself shaving. It's virtually impossible with electric razors these days. Good Luck!

Dear J., first of all, legs hair removal is not a question of hygiene, but an appearance preference.
I do not believe there is an appropriate age when hair should be removed, in fact many women never do it and live perfectly healthy lives.
This said, I think your daughter should be the one to decide when and how to deal with her legs. We all know that once you start there is no turning back! Especially if you decide to shave rather than waxing.
Because my mother shaved her legs (that was another era), I decided to do the same. I was maybe a couple of years older that your daughter, and I made a blody mess of my legs! Thank goodnes a friend introduced me to waxing, and that is what I have been doing for the past 25 years or so.
Please do not pressure your child!
Peace,
C.

Dear J.,
Regardless of when you talk to her about hair removal, please be sure to explain to her to ONLY shave her legs and pits, and NOT to shave anywhere else ~ her face or ANYwhere else. I say this only because you mentioned that her legs are REALLY hairy. Often that means that other areas of her body might be hairy as well. However, shaving those areas could lead to a lifetime of hair removal issues for her. Good luck & God bless. I'll pray for you both. BTW, my mom broached this subject with me on a weekend getaway for just the two of us. I am one of three girls, and as we approached adolescence she took each of us away for a weekend individually. We had one-on-one time with Mom AND the opportunity for open conversation about stuff we wouldn't have talked about in front of Dad or our other sisters.

maybe just buy some rasors and leave them on her dresser. she maybe enbarrassed to ask. if nothing else it will open the discussion. and you could just say that sometimes girls her age are interested in shaving their arm pits and legs and you wanted to let her know when she is ready that its ok with you. when her friends start she will be interested.

I have an 11yo, soon to be 12yo, daughter. Last summer I noticed she had a lot of hair under her arms and on her legs. I approached her about her comfortableness with shaving and talked about as a way of staying cleaner, especially with her underarms.
We tried Nair, but she hated it and it was a mess. So we went to the store together and she picked out razors and then i assisted her with shaving for the first few times. She never told me until a few months later that she had been embarrassed at school by her underarm and leg hair. Glad to say she conintues to shave on her own on a regular basis and we have had no major issues with her cutting herself. Although her Dad gets mad when she uses his razor :)

Hi J.,

The best way to handle the "shaving of the legs" question is to wait until your daughter feels that her leg hair has become a problem for her. She will ask you when she is ready for hair removal. It's important to accept her as she is right now, hairy legs and all, because as her body is developing, she needs to feel good about herself. There is no "right age" to start removing hair; it varies with each girl. I was 12 when I became bothered by the hair on my legs and asked my mom about removing it. Right now your daughter's hairy legs bothers you, not her. That makes it your problem -- not hers. If you respect her timing, she will let you know when she wants smooth, pretty legs. Maybe as the warm weather progresses and she notices that her legs are hairier than other girls' legs she will ask you soon. If not, please let her make the decision. It can harm her self-esteem if you tell her that there is something about her body that makes you feel uncomfortable. I do understand this is frustrating for you but the best plan of action is to wait this one out. Good luck! ~P. :)

Hi J.. I distinctly remember going through this when I was a kid. I was waiting for my mom to say something about the hair on my legs and show me how to shave them, but she never did. So I did it myself in the shower, but I didn't know to put soap or shaving cream on my legs and I cut myself. It wasn't until a friend at school told me to use soap that it dawned on me that that's what I was doing wrong. I wonder if maybe your daughter does want to know what to do about it but is nervous about asking. Puberty is a tough time. As for using Nair, that always made my legs break out with small red bumps. Maybe you could start with a good disposable razor and shaving cream specifically for women? Good luck!

WOW, you're a really COOL MOM! When I was her age, I had super hairy legs, and I was in gymnastics and felt so horrible and self conscious, but my mom wouldn't let me shave, because I was "too young." I really suffered until she finally let me. So I want to say "kindly help her learn to shave, nair, wax, etc...". But since she doesn't mind it...it's hard to say. It's good she's so confident! however, since she will need to get rid of the hair one day for sure, unless she's wants to be a granola chick and that's fine, you might as well start before people make fun of her. Or at least tell her you're happy to help her if she wants. Maybe tell her in a supportive way that she's getting older and ladies often like to have smooth legs and would she like you to teach her how to remove the hair?" If she totally resists, just tell her you're ready when she is or whatever she decides is fine. I guess...I just wanted to commend you on wanting to help her! Let her know you are available to discuss it and help if she wants!
a m y

Don't worry about it. I have a 12 yr old soon to be 13 yr old that still doesn't shave her legs yet. You may think it looks bad now but just think of what that stubble will look like when it's growing in! Of course it will lighten when it grows in all the way but who wants to wait if she doesn't like to shave her legs. She's only 11yo why should she have to shave? When my dd was 10 a lot of moms I new were letting their dd's shave and to me that's just crazy. They are little girls let them enjoy being kids without having leg shaving thrust upon them at such an early age.
V.

I just wanted to put a question out to you, J., and the other responders; why does hair on a girl/ woman offend you or bother you?

No, seriously, do you ask your husband to shave his legs too. Why not? It is not an issue of health, or hygiene or safety? So why are we (the mothers) enforcing societies influence of "beauty" on our daughters. France is trying to pass legislation to punish printers and publishers for publishing unhealthy body images http://www.physorg.com/news127475038.html Shouldn't we mothers be protecting our daughter too?

Soon enough, peer pressure will be sure to make your daughter question everything about herself; is she beautiful, is she smart, is she popular, is she funny, is she normal, is she ok? Instead of undermining her self-esteem by falling into the societal trappings of beauty image why don't we support our daghters for everything about them. Yes, you are beautiful with hair on your body. If YOU (your daughter) are uncomfortable with hair on your legs, why? If after really thinking about it she still is uncomfortable then she can formulate her own solution, be it waiting to shave, using a razor or NAIR.

All I am saying is, really think about why hair underarms and on legs of only women is unattractive.

I shaved from 13 until 15 because every girl I knew did and then I went someplace where hardly any girls shaved and I stopped shaving. I met my husband at 19 (hairy legs and underarms and all) and have been with him ever since (I am 36). Now, I shave or wax on a whim, but I know it is my whim, not societies and definitely not anyone else telling me I have to be hairless to be beautiful.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Just, please think of the why's of your reasoning, you owe your daughter those thoughts and yourself.

Based on her age, I would imagine that through school, she has already been introduced to the puberty stage soon approaching her. She is old enough to have a conversation with you and share in the decision. Leaving it "hanging out there" could be setting her up for a major self-esteem knock down. Unfortunately, some children can be very cruel.

Share with her the experience of shaving, the maintaining of it, responding to her girl friends when they see she's shaved and maybe they have not, and how she feels about her legs in shorts. Having these conversations in a "pro-active" manner, will also support her being comfortable coming to you with other issues of concern that might not be so visually present for you.

Best wishes!
G.

Hi J., relax. If the hair on her legs isn't bothering her, you shouldn't let it bother you. I'm sure in the next few months she will be comming to you about shaving her legs as her friends start to shave their legs. I have three girls and I let them shave their legs once they become 12 or are in the 6th grade...then I start them off with a safe razor and shaving cream. I haven't let them use nair or veet because of the all chemicals (we all have sensitive skin). Best wishes

Hi J.,

I agree with Sharon that you shouldn't force it on her, but I would just somehow work it in the conversation. If she is usually shy about these things, she may not bring it up herself. She may be very glad that you brought the subject up first.

I had very hairy legs when I was young also and wanted to start shaving them around the age of 12, but my mom didn't allow me to at that age (not sure why).

What it comes down to is that you probably know your daughter better than anyone (even herself) and you know best how to approach this subject with her and whether she is mature enough for this responsibility.

Good luck,
L.

Hey J.. I was 11 when I started shaving my legs. Maybe just get her a special razor (I have even seen and used some great hand held battery operated--no cutting skin or razor burn) and ask her if she'd like to shave her legs. I don't think I would have been embarrassed or offended. I would, however, have been if a peer commented on my legs. go for it and make it fun!

see if you can make it a mother daughter thing. tell her look mom uses nair on her legs in the summer so they look nice with her shorts on. another thing you can do is let her wear her shorts with her legs the way they are. most kids are observant. she will notice if other girls are shaving their legs or if she feels that she needs to shave them she will say something. it seems like it is bothering you more than it is her. she is just a kid,let her take her time and grow up,don't rush it.

Honestly Jen, she probably doesn't even think it's a big deal. You can make it more of a rites of passage type thing. Let her know that at a certain age women learn certain things about taking care of themselves. Take her to the store with you. Tell her about the Nair and you two have some girl time working on the hair issue. Similar to the "period talk", the "breast talk, and the "whatever else" comes up talk. At her age she feels good about herself, which is a beautiful thing. So just take it slow.

If it does not bother her, just don't say anything. As long as she feels ok about it and the girls at school do not say anything, don't tell her what you think. Soon enough the girls will start talking about it and she will follow the rest.

Hi J.,
My oldest is now 17 and we started her at 11 too. She was also very hairy, but had asked to remove the hair because it bothered her and she itched it alot. So we tried a patch test (to make sure there were no allgeric reactions) with Nair and it worked for her until she was about 14 then I went onto to showing her how to use the razor properly and she is a women now! lol! I also have a 12 year old and she is just going to start this summer (at her request) the same way we did with the oldest. Hope this helps.
Best Wsihes!
T.

Hi J.

My feeling is that when it is something she is conscious of, she will say something. If she isn't thinking about it now, then bringing it up, or forcing shaving/ hair removal may make her feel like there is something wrong with her. It's an akward age and I think when she is conscious of it or worried by it, or her friends are starting to shave, she will also be ready. Just my opinion.