I've been working FT for this family for almost 2 1/2 years now and they have 2 kids: 5 y/o boy and a 2 1/2 girl. I work about 40/45 hours per week (sometimes more, but never less than 40). So i spend more time with the kids than my own husband. lol. Anyways.... the boy was going to school 2 full and 2 half days and on Fridays he would stay home and I would take him and his sister to activities: gymnastics, swimming, etc. So, the mom didnt sign him up for any extra activities this summer because she wanted him to have a "break" until he starts kindergarten. So he had 2 weeks of summer camp in june and thats it. I've noticed him looking, feeling tired and eating non-stop. Specially in the afternoon. He would lay around here and there, with no-energy. I have a good relationship with the family and I ALWAYS tell them anything and everything regarding the kids. Even if its not a big deal. She thought he was feeling tired because of camp. Naturally, after a busy day at camp, he would come home exhausted. But after a month, he is still looking tired. Making the story short: she thinks he is tired because he is 'bored' staying home. She says that maybe he is missing all his friends and school activities and being home is making him tired. Look, i am a super active nanny. I do all kinds of activies with the kids. We go to museums, parks. We cook together. We paint, we draw. We've (i and the kids) done tie-dye shirts together. We've built a puppet theater last month. I try to be creative and fun as much as I can. I have the 'Parents' magazine subscription and yesterday we cooked "Lemon Crepe' for breakfast. I saw the recipe and thought it would be great for the kids: easy and yummy! And after 2 years of dedication, thats what she says!! I wouldnt be working for them for over 2 years if they didnt like my work. I dont know if I am overreacting. But i would appreciate if parents could give me an advice. It hurt really hurt my feelings. Thanks!
I too don't think this was meant to be a slight at you. I feel that she was simply trying to say that he is out of his routine. I would continue to monitor him and see how things go.
Again I don't think this has anything to do with you. It sounds like you are an amazing nanny.
Here's my (former nanny) take on it:
-- and the other suggestions of growth-spurt was what first went through my head, so the remainder should be considered constructive, not critical of you or your skills...
He could very well be bored because he's wanting some peer interaction.
A couple of observations (I've worked with kids for 20 years now, so this is pretty anecdotal and empirical):
Kids at this boy's age need peer interaction, especially with other children who might play in a similar way. That means that neither you, nor little sis, are going to cut the mustard. Nothing personal--you just aren't a five year old boy.
Kids who have been 'entertained' a lot need to go backward a bit and develop their own entertainment skills. Do the children have Quiet Play time every day, or time for independent play, where they lead? I found, as a nanny, that while families love the idea of constant interaction, it's really not good for everyone. We needed breaks. Besides naptimes and quiet times (no media on during quiet time, everyone in their rooms, looking at books or playing quietly), I would also do up the dishes a couple times a day and keep the house tidied up, because it gave the kids a chance to go figure out what they wanted to do.
You list a lot of fun things to do: be sure to balance them with open-ended play and art opportunities. Personally, I found the projects in Parents/Family Fun magazine too product-focused and adult-led. MaryAnn Kohl has a great book called "Preschool Art" which you might check out at the library.... all of her books are great, so if that one isn't available, grab another. Here's the thing-- when kids are given raw materials and some tape or fasteners, they can really go to town all on their own. In my house we have a 'found objects' drawer which contains loads of paper towel/saran wrap tubes, container lids, cardboard of various thicknesses, (both from recycled cereal/dry goods boxes and backing from watercolor paper/legal pads), empty gift ribbon spools, small boxes, empty masking tape cardboard rings... all of these provide my five year old hours (and I'm not exaggerating, hours) of his own entertainment. Ask the mother of the family where you could set up something like this---
--- I'm going to interject a bit of opinion, which is this: kids get everything 'told' to them in so many ways. Their LEGOs come with prescribed designs and 'right ways' to make them, as do many of their toys. Keeping activities open-ended as much as possible will help everyone and give the children an opportunity to create freely.
If you can, also consider pulling back on as much media time as you can. I found while I was working with kids that the television and other distractions made them less motivated to go pursue their bliss because they were being constantly entertained by the tv and getting all the brain chemical signals (addictive, really) that go with watching the tube. As a preschool teacher, I could nearly always tell when a child had spent too much media time in the days before: I would hear "I'm bored" or "I don't know what to do"....and sure enough, I'd get confirmation from parents later in the day. (I actually started keeping track of the parents responses on this as a sort of experiment of my own.) Because I didn't hear these complaints often, when I did, it was noticeable.
I strongly believe that boredom is okay. It is, in fact, a chance for personal growth.:) *Just make sure not to solve the problem for him*. My sister does a lovely thing with her boys where she just sets up 'invitations' for her three... some playdough and a basket of tools on a table, a quiet place to work with some pattern blocks, some sticks and string outside, etc. (My found objects drawer is also an invitation of sorts.) A table with paper, a hole punch, markers/crayons, fasteners... this is an invitation.
So, with all that said, try to keep up some playdates with his school buddies, and then offer some fun activities which he can lead. Make sure he has quiet, media-free times during the day, and let him help you with tasks when/if he likes. I hope some of the ideas work out for you.
And ultimately, if you are offering a wide variety of things to do, at some point, the boredom is on HIM, not you. I would try very hard not to take the mother's comments personally.... if she's wanting you to be a non-stop entertainment for her kids, she's not doing anyone any favors. But it's okay for him to miss the activity of school. That's where he has a life outside of home, and that's okay too. (This is why many moms want to go back to work, so the feelings isn't bad or uncommon.) Boredom is not a bad thing-- it can be instructive if we let it!
I don;t think she meant it as a jibe at you, but more about the fact that the kids have had less to do then would be normal for them.
Yes, bored kids can be tired and eat to fill that void. Again that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. It's just how kids can work.
Another thought, could it be a growth spurt? What you describe could very much be him growing....5 is about the right age for another one.
Other then that, watch and see, if it continues past him entering school I would then be concerned.
If I were this parent I would listen to you but observe him for myself too. She may not be seeing the same things you are.
I wonder, is it possible he is starting a growth spurt? I often know our grand kids are about to shoot up when they act much like this. They eat like they are hollow, don't have much energy, and take naps even though they haven't napped in years.
If you think he is getting sick then just keep an eye on him, if he is running a fever or clammy. You know what to look for I am sure. Otherwise he may just be bored and a little depressed. It could simply be the heat too.
School is starting soon, after he gets in the routine of that look to see if he changes.
I agree it's prob not boredom and you sound like a super nanny. So why do you think he is tired? You must know him very well. Do you think it's lack of sleep, nutrition? depression?
My son gets tired in the summer because of three things
1) swimming
2) lax summer bedtimes but still waking up same time as school yr
3) If I let him have too much video game time, when I take him off he is whiny and cannot entertain himself
If I were you, I'd write a list of what you have done for the kids every week. You should type it up - it's kind of like a job description. Include everything.
I think that the mom just doesn't realize what all you do. If she did this, she wouldn't get anything else done.
One thing sticks out to me - you mention that he lays around, looks, feels tired and eats non-stop. That's a red flag.
How much exercise is in your program? He should be getting exercise every day. If it's too hot to be outside a lot, early morning would be good, or time in the pool. He should not be able to eat at will - only set times for meals and snacks, and always in the kitchen. If you limit his eating and his laying, then you can actually SEE if something is wrong. If he can't seem to get through an exercise bout, HAS to lay down, fusses about hunger at inappropriate times after already having a snack, then you need to ask the mom to take him to the doctor.
You do need to beef up your resume - not necessarily for another family, but for this one. It's easy to take someone for granted after a while - you have to make them remember that you are value added!
Dawn
Being bored isn't an indication of your level of involvement, it's an indication of
1) previous schedule ... Which 4 days of preschool/camp and then your activities, and then parents... Knocked down to JUST your activities and parents is a major transition that just knocked a major hole in his day.
2) lack of imagination. Kids in certain environments (school/camp) are used to being told what to do all the time. It takes WEEKS every summer for most kids to adjust to coming up with stuff instead of being shuttled from one activity to another. Homeschoolers actually 'deschool' 1 month for every year of school to allow 'brains to turn back on' just because the difference is SO huge. (The parallel is the full time working parent adjustment to being a full time SAHP.... Most people go batty for a few months just because the transition is so severe).
So while I get that it seems insulting, as a SAHM who then homeschooled, my OWN son would go through these 'blah' periods with major schedule change (and it was total boredom that took awhile to shake loose, every time). It's not a reflection on YOU, it's a reflection on a huge transition.
(Hobestly, giving the summer off before K is a BAD idea... Makes summer hard, as you can see, and then school even harder... Instead of just switch locations... But it's an 'adult' idea of wanting a break before a new job that doesn't take into account the adjustments that kids have to make. If he'd been at home BEFORE, no worried, but 2 full, 2 half, and then camps... Down to JUST at home? Yeah. He's going to be a bit of a mess. And then start school and be a mess again. Cest la vie. Live and learn. As in his parents will PROBABLY figure that out over the next couple years. )
Could it be something else? Sure. But it's probably just this huge transition.
Sounds like you're doing a great job! I'd recommend having his iron checked. my son went through a spell of lying around, not having energy, not wanting to do things and he turned out anemic. Just a thought!
I have to say it absolutely sounds like he's bored, but I agree with Riley J regarding his boredom NOT necessarily being an indication of your activity level! As soon as I read the part about giving him the summer off, I thought BAD IDEA! Some kids thrive in those environments and anything less is boring to them.
It sounds like you're doing an excellent job with the kids, so please don't take his boredom personally! Hopefully things will look up soon :)
